Friend being slightly difficult...

I'm getting married in mid November. I have 5 bridesmaids, one of which is an old school friend. I've had the impression throughout my engagement (since Dec 13) that although she feigns happiness for me she's a bit envious. She never shows any interest in my wedding and makes a fuss about things. Namely:

- I sent round a picture of the bridesmaid dresses (I am paying for everything) and she said she didn't suit 'long dresses'. Never received positive feedback from them and she took ages to send me her size.

- At my engagement party she was as miserable as sin and moaned that she ''didn't know anyone'' all night despite everyone else muddling along really well. All she did was spend the time moaning to my mum about how she didn't know anyone. I was glad when she left early.

- Plus one. She finished with her boyfriend (who she treated appallingly) in March and of course, he was invited to the wedding as well. She's been whinging about the plus one issue ever since. I've told her to bring someone else if she wants but all she ever says is that she doesn't know who to bring. This is the only wedding conversation we tend to have. To be quite honest, we are very pushed for numbers and by allowing her to bring a plus one (she already knows lots of my friends anyway) we cannot invite someone else, it is that tight. 

Not really sure what my question is to be honest but i wonder if anyone else has found themselves in this position? I am not someone who bores people rigid about my wedding but i wouldn't mind her taking a bit of interest in it. 


  • Lisa26Lisa26 Posts: 7

    Hi Kal2335,
    Sounds like your friend is a little envious as you say, it may be the fact that she is now single and a wedding just isn't in her sights at the minute but that doesn't mean she has to be so negative about your big day. I can see why your a little annoyed about it as at the end of the day your spending lots of money on a happy wedding day and then on your photos or on your day the last thing you need is her with a face like thunder or moaning about her dress...

    I'd maybe suggest just mentioning to her that planning a wedding is hard enough without having to feel like your treading on egg shells with her, you should be able to talk freely about your wedding and her listen and have some positive feedback.

    I was maid of honor for my best friends wedding in May just gone and she wanted me to wear my hair up on the day, and although I absolutely hate having my hair up not once did i moan or complain about it because it was her day and that's what she wanted.

    That's my opinion anyway. hope it helps. but your not on your own here, your friend is being a little awkward and I don't see any need for it really.

    I hope you have a fab wedding in November! image

  • Jomc11Jomc11 Posts: 484

    I have had something similar too, they have appeared to be not interested in the slightest, never ask anything, find something to moan about no matter what, but then after it always chip in with ill do whatever you want/pick. I actually regret having bridesmaids, actually scrap that i actually regret not running away as we had originally planned!

  • SarahL1408SarahL1408 Posts: 154

    Bridesmaids were one of my biggest issues to begin with.  I had asked an old work colleague to be my BM as she had recently lost her mum, didn't have many friends and was a dear friend to me - I thought it would be a great opportunity for her.

    She was hard work from the beginning.  She made no attempt to get on with my other two BM's (who I am much closer to), moaned to me about them, was forever busy for bridesmaid dress shopping and was so miserable!  She didn't want to do anything spontaneously and wanted whole days to be scheduled out for things ... rather than just nipping to Bluewater on a Friday night.  She drove me insane and by the time we got to shoe shopping I was on the verge of smacking her over the head with the stilletto ... anyway, she cancelled on me, over the phone, didn't offer to pay for anything and still to this day has not contacted me again. 

    I promise you that you are not alone with BM's issues but I have a new BM (it was fate as I had tried to get her a dress before but it had been discontinued) who is so unbelievably great and is perfect with the other two.  My BM's are now a dream.  They are organising my hendo together and I don't worry about them at all.  I guess you just need to stop trying with this other BM and maybe make it clear that you are getting fed up of her ways.  I did this and whilst is backfired on me initially (by her cancelling), I am now much better off without her.


  • I've gone through this with my best friend throughout the years, just little snippets of envy and hurtful comments now and then. I've told her she needs to work on her bluntness and that some of the comments do in fact hurt. Luckily, she took it well and it's been okay ever since. I would honestly say something to her. If she's like this before your wedding, what an earth is she going to be like on your wedding day? 

  • I skipped the BM thing to avoid situations like this - and much worse ones that I've read about on here! My sister asked if she could wear a nice dress and I said she could. From the there, I needed someone to do a reading, so I figured I'd ask her...from there, it only made sense for her to walk up the aisle. But that was the extent of her BM "duties."  Unfortunately, when trying to coordinate a look (dress, shoes, accessories, hair) and a series of events/ dates (wedding shows, engagement parties, dress fittings, bachelorette party), etc., with a group of women, you are going to get all kinds of personalities. This one seems to be the "negative Nancy" one. I wonder if she is like this all the time, or only when your wedding is the topics. It may be just how she is: a whiner, complainer type. If that's the case, she's not going to change for you or for your day, even if you speak to her. She's just who she is. I'd ignore her. As long as she isn't vindictive and trying to ruin anything, she's just like a gnat.  Annoying and present. And probably not going to go away even if you "swat" at her.

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