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Family has invited extra guests without asking

I am having a marquee wedding in my uncle's garden. We are not using the house as he has insisted no on enter it so it is just the garden. I asked him over a year ago if he minded and he expressed joy that it would be at his house. His daughter is my flower girl and it will cost him nothing to host the reception there. He has already invited people to the evening part without asking me, assuming it's fine because it's his house. I let that one go wanting to avoid family drama.

It is now 8 days before my wedding and I was told yesterday in these exact words 'David and Sue will be back from travelling early to they will be attending your wedding and you will need to adjust your table plan accordingly'. They were originally due back in October and so were not able to attend the wedding, otherwise they would have been invited. However now the caterer has been paid, the seating plan has been printed and I politely told my uncle that although I would love for them to come to the evening, it is unfortunately too late to add people to the meal part.

He said fine but was clearly a bit put out. I was then shocked to hear that he had immediately rung my auntie (who is staying at my mum's house) and started angrily ranting because I wouldn't let David and Sue come to the meal. My mum found out about this and has said that she will cover the extra cost in order to sooth my uncle. Even though I agreed at first to avoid any drama, I really feel that this is an unfair situation. Why should I have these two extra people at my wedding just because it's my uncle's garden. (I should probably mention that David is his stepson). I wasn't asked, I was told that these two would be attending and I'm really unsure how to handle it.

Do I stand my ground and politely remain firm about them not attending, or do I take my mum's advice and let them come to solve the family drama? Any suggestions would be really appreciated.

Posts

  • SheandHimSheandHim Posts: 379

    As it's your uncle's house I would bow down and let them come to the wedding, I know it's not what you want but it's probably going to cause a problem on the day if they're not there.

  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    unfortunatly (im guessing ur wedding is soon like next month soon) that i think satnding up to him and arguing might be a bad idea as if he has went mental about this i would be worried he turned around and told you you couldnt hold the wedding on his land

    i think tell him you are very upset about this as its very last minute - it might be possible - keep the lists as they are and see if u can add two chairs anywhere even if its at a back table - on the day u wont notice two extra people

    oh and yes he is way out of line to act like that and do that but family and people dont realise the efforts and planning involved for a wedding

    could you possibly talk to David and Sue and explain the situation? as they really should know that they already rsvped or said they wouldnt be coming - turning around and saying yes they will come at short notice is bad form!

  • Hydrogirl - The wedding is in 8 days so very soon indeed. I hadn't thought of speaking to David and Sue directly but I think even if they understood the reason, my uncle would still be very cross. I think you're right and people just don't realise the effort that goes in. People assume that it's just a case of adding two chairs and a quick call to the caterer but so much thought goes in to every part of a wedding.

    SheandHim - I think I will just have to bow down and let them come but it really is annoying that they didn't even ask, they just told me they were invited!

  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    he told u 8 days before?!?! WTF!!! i thought maybe a few weeks which is rude but time to get stuff sorted - 8 days?! sorry but what a wanker lol personally i would tell him that if he wants them there HE has to arrnage it all and pay for the changes as u dont have time! and get ur mum to supervise all changes etc

  • Emma44Emma44 Posts: 1

    Completely outrageous! But unfortunatley I don't think you can tell him where to stuff it as it is on his land. I know it is difficult but try not let this issue ruin your day! try not to get bogged down in the family drama, raise above the madness and have a wonderful day!

  • MrsSharkMrsShark Posts: 861 New bride

    As annoying as it is, I think you're just going to have to go with it to keep the peace. With 8 days to go, you really don't need the stress! As others have said and if you can, put 2 extra chairs in a table at the back. If I were you, to prove the point that it was too late, I wouldn't bother getting your seating plan changed. They can work out where to sit for themselves.

    In regards to your uncle, I'm sure he has no idea quite how rude/inconvenient it is to add 2 extra guests with 8 DAYS to go! I suspect that because it is in his garden, he believes it is his perogative to do so.

     

    Don't let it stress you out. As you mentioned, they were originally invited, so at least he's not inviting somebody you don't want there. You will have an amazing day image.

  • Do you like David and Sue?  Do you know them?  Do you see them being a part of your lives?  If so, then you should invite them for that reason -- not because of your Uncle.  And if you don't know them and feel close to them, then you're perfectly justified in saying you'd prefer they didn't come.  People who come to your wedding should be people who will support you in the future, and who've been good to you in the past.  If that doesn't include David and Sue, I think it's absolutely fair to say "thank you, but we really only want people there who know us and have been a part of our journey to come to the ceremony and be a part of the speeches/wedding breakfast."

  • MrsShark - I think that you're right about the stress, I have to weigh up which will cause me more stress, family drama or having people there I don't particularly want.

    Danie Greene - I must admit that I don't have a particular fondness for David and Sue as my fiancée once heard Sue insulting him to David. However that was a number of years ago and I don't want to dwell on it. If it was a perfect world then they would not be attending, no matter how long the notice is, but my uncle would be upset were they not, hence me thinking it was great that they were travelling. 

    I have taken all of your advice and tried to call to confirm that they can come. Unfortunately he is ignoring my calls and has turned off his phone now so it is up to my mum to play mediator. I don't know what it is about weddings but grown adults seem to turn into absolute children.

    Nevertheless I'm really grateful for all your advice and I will keep you posted on how it goes.

  • I'd let it go...so there are two more people there that someone else has already offered to pay for.  So there are two more people there that want to share in your joy and celebration-that's not a bad thing. It was kind of presumptious of your uncle to invite them without asking...but let me tell you how much money you are saving by having the wedding hosted on his property.  My venue was $1500 JUST TO SHOW UP.  That fee included NOTHING.  All the food, beverages, chair use, cake cutting, etc., was extra. The $1500 was simply to use the space, and you had food & beverage minimums after that to meet (and you had to use their onsite caterers).  If someone had told me that I could pick between saving $1500 on venue rental and having two complete strangers show up that they would pay for, I would have said hell yeah...invite their entire workplace if you're paying!

  • KateMarried - True but I still have to pay £3500 for the marquees that we are putting up which doesn't include table cloths, food etc. There was an alternative location we could have used for free (mother in law's garden) but my uncle really seemed pleased to be asked. 

  • You'd be paying for the marquees on any land used...plus a venue rental fee if you weren't having it at his place. Your two extra costs aren't costing you extra and the venue rental was cost was 0.  And don't think for a sec that if you had it at another relative's (MIL) that that person wouldn't have wanted to make some kind of stipulation of their own too...I'm sure they would have.  And their requests could have been a lot worse.

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