Firing Bridesmaids

Well, it actually turns out that the bm to be in question did completely understand and actually was very relieved I had brought it up- I'm not sure our friendship will be the same, but only time will tell- we live an expensive plane journey apart now anyway and aren't likely to see each other more than once or twice a year.

Advice for brides to be: DON'T MAKE MY MISTAKE- think very carefully about who you want in your bridal party, and don't rush the choice for anybody or any reason...

and if any poor sod does end up in that situation, go with honesty, chances are she already knows where she's gone wrong, and feels uncomfortable herself being in your bridal party.


  • Fiona14Fiona14 Posts: 8

    Yeah, in my message to her, I asked if I'd done anything to upset her that she hadn't had a chance to talk to me about...or if she'd had anything going on that I hadn't known about.

     Maybe she just really did hate my fiance and I didn't notice!? haha 

  • TadpoleTadpole Posts: 2,134 New bride

    I would think she is probably more likely jealous of your fiance and potentially also your engagement rather than actually hates him! Some people struggle a lot with change and although I am not excusing her actions or saying that you are wrong. Try seeing it from her side too - it does sound like your relationship moved very quickly in terms of you moving out of the house and then moving away to be with him and she maybe didn't have a chance to catch her breath.

    Controversially I never ever condone sacking of Bridesmaids - unless they are doing all in their power to get themselves sacked and even then a mutual decision is best. I just think it is incredibly harsh and if you felt close enough to ask her in the first place then why would you want to do something that will more than likely terminate your friendship? I also think you perhaps need to consider A in this too... I assume her and B are still friends and sacking her would put A in a really awkward position. Your wedding will come and go but life carries on and if you want these girls in your life then you perhaps have to just stand by your decision.


  • Fiona14Fiona14 Posts: 8

    I do agree with you about it being very harsh- it's made me feel terrible, and luckily my message to her isn't an actual 'I don;t want you in my bridal party anymore,' it's trying to get a feel of what actually happened from her point of view.

    Yes the wedding is just a day and maybe I am being a bridezilla about it! A and B actually had a fall out in the year and weren't seeing eye to eye questioning about whether she would make a good bridesmaid is very linked to being her friend...I think I have changed a lot over the year and it's difficult to overlook her tendencies now..I can't really see our friendship lasting. Thanks for the post though, I hadn't been thinking of it like that.


  • Fiona14Fiona14 Posts: 8

    Sal 3, maybe you're right, and I've given her the opportunity to have her say now. Like I said, I just needed to get this off my chest as it's not a sudden thing, it;s a build up over a year that involved a hell of a lot of stress and change- hence the detailed rant.

    Sure, I knew she could be selfish sometimes, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt, in the hope it would improve things.

  • Fiona14Fiona14 Posts: 8

    P.S has this happened to any brides before or any brides to be?

  • It happened to me as a BM - I ended up asking to be "relieved" of my duties. My girlfriend from college and I had been pretty close friends throughout school. I got married right after college (small wedding, no BM's, no reception).  She met someone about a year later and they got engaged maybe a year after that.  Those of us that got married right after school and those in our friend group that already were married during school led different lives than our single friends. Still, we all tried to get together at least once a month. Pretty soon, single or married, we got together less and less. I found out that the character my friend was marrying was not such a wholesome person at all, and between that and having grown apart, I asked to not be a bridesmaid. It was a good decision, I think. Our friendship had basically run its course, and that's ok. Maybe your friend's actions also mean the friendship has run its course, and maybe she doesn't really want to be a BM, but didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying no. Just checking in with her to see what she feels and where she stands should give you the information you need to decide how to proceed. 

  • Fiona14Fiona14 Posts: 8

    Hi Kate, I think you are exactly right. When she replied to me, she sounded just completely relieved I'd brought it up. A year changes a lot of things, doesn't it, and I made the unfortunate mistake of choosing under a pressured situation, and I strongly got the impression that she no longer felt comfortable either... 

    Great to hear it from someone who it's kind of happened to...I guess these things happen quite a lot!

  • Yep...they do.  I hope you have the loveliest of days with those you are very close to!

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