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2 weeks until the wedding, disaster in the making

ISo we are T minus 2 weeks until the wedding,  and things could not have been more wrong.  

Originally,  we planned to have a rustic barn wedding on  my parents farm.  

Then my mother dropped a bomb.  

6 weeks ago (8 weeks until the wedding)  my mother and father decided on a divorce.  And it has gotten nasty.  I found out 5 weeks ago (7 weeks until the wedding) that my father had cut off my mother completely with money,  and that he had put the farm on the market.  

We had to scramble and find a new venue and dig up thousands of dollars that we originally didn't have to pay because of that. The new venue is 3.5 hours away from where I live,  and is too far for most of my friends to make it.  

I informed my father that he would not be walking me down the aisle,  and my grandfather that I hardly know is doing it instead.  (there are other reasons my father is not walking me,  but that was the last straw) 

We managed to get the invites out a month away from the wedding  and have only received 2 RSVP s so far.  

My mother who was the only person helping with all of this,  moved 4 hours away from me on Monday.  (3 weeks before the wedding). She did this without any prior notice,  and she tool my sisters who are my bridesmAids with her.  

We had a disaster of a shower because my maid of honor forgot about it.  I had to send out the invites to my own bridal shower.  

We have no honeymoon planned because my fiancee "forgot" that it was his responsibility.  

The man who was going to marry us told us last week that he couldn't do it after all,  and we didn't have a back up plan.  

 

Becausr of the sudden venue change  we now have to find a new florist,  dj, and place to stay.  

And most of this is coming out of my pocket because my mother is putting all of her financial resources into their new home.  

My fiancee hasn't really put much effort forward financially because he doesn't understand  why we need table cloths or flowers or China or food.  

I am so tempted to just call the whole thing off and elope instead.  Except for its 2 weeks away and a little late to call anything off.  

 

So I really REALLY could use some advice.  I am at a loss on what to do or how to handle all of the frustration and dissappintment I am feeling.  

Posts

  • I'm not sure I can offer you any helpful advice, but I do really feel for you!! 

    It's terrible timing for your mum and dad to be getting a divorce, and I can't imagine how difficult that is. I hope your mother has the best support available to her, instead of a really happy occasion, she's facing a huge upheaval in her own life so please, I hope there is going to be no blame placed on her. You said she moved without prior notice- did she expect the divorce? Is it reasonable for her to have predicted this to be happening and should have been more prepared to be moving and still provide you with wedding support? 

    If you only have 2 guests confirmed at this stage, I think it would be reasonable to perhaps postpone the wedding so you are more prepared. Would you be losing out on much by not having your wedding in 2 weeks? 

    Whatever you decide, I wish you all the luck!

  • oh no thats a lot to take in about your parents separating wirhout all the wedding stuff as well! I hope you are ok!

    perhaps delegate to friends / partner/ family member to chase up the rsvps ? Then you can make an informed decision on what next step should be. on a positive if you look for a honey moon now you could get a bargain!

     

    good luck x 

  • I hope it doesn't make you feel worse to hear this, but I think this is the saddest wedding scenario I have heard. I am so sorry for you! Like Mrs D to Be said, if you can postpone, I think I would. Or elope. Unless you will lose thousands of dollars/pounds, I can't see how proceeding as-is is going to be a happy event. Two weeks away and only 2 RSVPs?  Between all the venue/vendor problems, the divorce, the low (probable) turnout, I don't see how this event is going to recover. I also don't see how a normal, feeling human being would be able to put all of this misfortune aside and "have a beautiful day."  I know I would associate all of the negative and would struggle to enjoy the day.  If you are stronger than I am, then proceed and good for you!  If not, I would consider an alternative route for your special day.

  • Oh dear.. thats a hell of a lot to have gone wrong hun, i dont know how i would cope in your situation but i have to agree with the other girls, maybe posponing would be the best option right now if thats financially do able for you, shame you cant choose your family huh.. x

  • I don't have any advice but just wanted to say how sorry I was to hear this... I agree with other ladies that at this stage maybe it might be worth postponing...really hope things improve for you xx

  • SheandHimSheandHim Posts: 379

    That sucks. Eloping is an idea but the question is; do you really want to do that or would you be best to postpone? Will it be any better if you postpone it? If I was in that situation I would elope, the wedding is about you and your fiance and with everything that's happened in the past few weeks you will not be the center of attention and your own wedding will not be about you.

  • laurapjlaurapj Posts: 726

    Sorry to hear you're having such a horrible time, I really do feel for you and can't imagine how stressed you must be feeling. I think you and H2B need to sit down and talk about your wedding day and what is important to you to decide what to do going forward.

    I think if it was me so close to my wedding day, I'd be in the mindset that I just wanted to marry my man and that nothing else mattered (hubby even wanted to elope about 4 weeks prior to our wedding due to dramas with his brother, he would have thrown everything else out the window so long as we got married). You don't necessarily have to call the whole thing off...I would be inclined to have the ceremony and get married, and then go for a lovely dinner or something (either alone or with your nearest and dearest) and have a party at a later date. I'm sure you'd have more than two guests show up but is it worth the emotional and financial stress of pulling together a full on wedding if it's not going to be what you had originally hoped for or make you happy? Have a serious conversation with your H2B and work out what will make you both happiest, but I wouldn't go ahead with all your plans unless you are still going to be able to have a wonderful day. You don't want your wedding day to be laced with negativity or have any regrets.

    Wishing you all the best whatever you decide xxx

  • Thanks for the support everyone.  

    We have definitly considered eloping at this point,  and had a long conversation about it last night.  

    The part we are so hesitant about is that he wants a better wedding than his older brother,  who eloped,  and following that elopement faced a lot of drama and ridicule from their family. 

    I think we are going to turn the reception into a wedding celebration and just ditch the traditional aisle walk.  I have always imagined walking down the aisle,  and wish that I knew it would be beautiful and happy without it .  But when we sent out 200+ invites and have only gotten a couple of RSVP s back,  I think It would be better to just plan it small and expect it small instead of having that dissappintment on our wedding day.  

    I Am just tired of my sister and MOH and mother saying things like "don't worry,  it will be ok,  it will be beautiful"  sure.  It may be beautiful,  but that won't make it any less dissapointeing.  

    My father and mother have been threatening divorce for years.  It's a good thing that they are finally doing it,  but. It was my mother who filed papers 8 weeks out.  She told me she would move after the wedding, but then she made a trio to the city and put money down on a house and all the sudden she was more worried about a garage sale go get rid of crap so she  could move.  

    It pretty much sucks all around.  I am the oldest,  and the first out of all the children in our family to be married.  And due to events out of our control,  the bar is getting set pretty low. 

     

    I wanted to audition for one of those save the wedding shows,  but I would have to live in new York unfortunately.  

    At this point I don't even know what WOULD make the wedding beautiful.  

     

  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    your poor thing i cant even imagine what u r going through! if you seriously cant/wont elope why dont you arrange for a very small ceromony with u and hubby and a few friends then a big reception/celebration straight after? maybe if there is another room at ur venue? just to make it special? so you still get to go down the aisle etc then do a small vows thing in front of others - like a blessing? it might make it a bit more special for you on ur day? contatc ur wedding planner/venue contact and go see them in person to discuss ur issues they may have a few suggestions to help?!

    as for RSVPS - people never seem to reply on time to those!

    as for honeymoom u will get a fab deal at last minute - look at Kuoni, secret escapes, the holiday place, and use the holiday finders where u can put mulitple destinations in on thomsons and thomas cook

  • MrsTaylorMrsTaylor Posts: 500

    All that matters is that you get to marry the man of your dreams image Have you thought about any of the suggestions pp have made? x

  • I am so sorry to hear this Hun if you need to talk you can message me  ..... I have had a similar thing happen but with a few months to go and we lucky havent had to change venue but apart from that it's pretty the same really horrible situation but at the mo all I'm thinking is surely nothing else can go wrong honestly justtry and be strong and let them get on with it  ....... I'd love my mum to tell me my wedding is going to be beautiful instead she tells me to put my wedding off and it's going to be a disaster and it's ruined .... Always great to hear that about your wedding you have spent thousands on.

     

    i really hope your ok xxx

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