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Am I entitled to be annoyed?

My wedding has been being planned for 2 years as far as colours and theme etc and booked since April. My nephew booked his wedding about 2 months ago for just 4 weeks before mine and then my niece (his sister) booked hers for 2 months before theirs....this caused the 2 of them to fall out with my nephew saying he'd waited ages to book his when nobody else in the family was getting married and was really upset that she had booked hers so close to theirs.  I tried to talk to them both and told them they should just be happy for each other. 

I was slightly put out that theirs is only 4 weeks before mine but was happy for them anyway. I have just found out that they are now having a butterfly themed wedding which is the main thing of mine as my mum loved them and I have a tattoo of a butterfly in memory of her and wanted my wedding this way in her honour. I lost her 7 years ago to suicide after years of battling bi polar. I suffer with depression too and maybe in a better state of mind these things wouldn't bother me as much. They have also booked the exact same room at the town hall as me (3 to choose from) but receptions are at different venues. Thankfully the colour scheme is different. 

I can't help feeling disappointed and annoyed about it all and would like some feedback from a neutral point of view. Should I change my theme so that the weddings are different, I can't help thinking that ppl will be commenting at mine that it is so similar to theirs. 


  • I can see why you're annoyed but deffo don't change the butterfly theme especially when they mean something to you. Although some of the family members at the weddings will be the same your friends will be different So they won't notice. 

  • Just carry on with your theme and plan what you want.  In the speeches you could always try and slip in a comment about what butterflies mean to you and how long you've been planning for and if anyone says anything about the 2 weddings having a similar theme just be quick to point out that it was your idea first! Xxx

  • hf1989hf1989 Posts: 416

    Did they know that you're having a butterfly theme? The best thing you can do is make sure that you're butterflies are much prettier than theirs image Don't change your theme though as it clearly means a lot to you

  • NuggyNuggy Posts: 527

    yes they did know, I've been open about the theme so people didn't copy and they've done it anyway image

  • hf1989hf1989 Posts: 416

    Well if everybody knows that it was your idea in the first place, they won't think that you're copying them. Just carry on with your plans as you want them. You could mention something to them, but it may not make them change their minds and could just result in bad feelings.

  • Ems2905Ems2905 Posts: 144

    I agree with Sara10 - try and say in speeches the butterfly meaning.    If the colour schemes are different I wouldn't worry too much.   Just keep any of your butterfly ideas closely guarded - if they are doing their wedding in a rush I am sure the detail and creative edge will be awarded to you!   You can show them how a theme should be done! 

  • sooz84sooz84 Posts: 378

    I don't understand why people do things like that? There are so many other themes they could have picked, seems a bit odd really?! image

  • Definitely don't change your theme, it has meaning to you.  It's not as if you picked it just because you think it's 'pretty'.

    Our wedding has the same colour theme as my FBIL's which was totally a coincidence.  The sooner it got to their day the more I worried about the similarities.  Our bridesmaid dresses are the same colour, centre pieces sounded the same etc. But on the day I realised that actually our weddings are very different - even the centre pieces, which I worried about so much, ended up being totally different to what we're having.

    I agree that maybe you should keep other ideas a closely guarded secret but your nephew and his partner may have had butterflies in mind from the very beginning as well.  If anything, take it as a compliment image

  • Don't change your theme, hun.  You've already spent so much time (and probably money) and you are clearly emotionally invested in your theme as well.  (I have to say, I don't think I often hear of someone so emotionally tied to their theme - what a touching, heartbreaking story).  There will be plenty of differences between the weddings- and you know what?  Even if the somehow by the luck of the stars, the weddings looked IDENTICAL (which is impossible), you are STILL doing yours in honor of your mum and that it makes is more special than any other butterfly wedding out there.

  • Alex5Alex5 Posts: 290

    Keep your theme! i bet they will change their mind on it anyway. like me,  i started with lemon colour scheme and now its pink and champagne lol totally different. so stick to your guns and let them change their mind x

  • Seems a bit odd that they've chosen the same theme if they knew what you were doing, but given the reasons behind you choosing it I think you should stick with it. Even though you will both have butterflies, your weddings will still be totally different, and the meaning is still there for you. 

  • NuggyNuggy Posts: 527

    many thanks for all the replies, I'm feeling a lot better after your feedback image

  • Anna22Anna22 Posts: 157
    Is your mum their grandmother? Could it be that they are also thinking of butterflies for the same reason? Don't change your theme - I bet that everyone's interpretation will be different.

    I wasn't planning on using butterflies at all but found that a lot of wedding accessories use that theme - just received 40 butterfly favour boxes in the post today!
  • I agree with sara10 and katemarried3.. 

    Your wedding means more because of your theme so deffo dont change it.

    And you could always add an extra word to the speeches explaining why you chose that theme so people are aware.

    Try not to let it bother you so much and enjoy the lead up to/and your wedding day image

  • NuggyNuggy Posts: 527

    Thanks, Anna yes it is my nephew's grandmother but he was not close to her and his fiancee barely knew her so I know they haven't chosen the theme for the same reason I have. I think it's getting to me more because they have booked their wedding so close to mine and in the same place. 

    I've been reminding myself of differences, I haven't heard of any diy on their part and I am doing a lot myself due to budget. I'm hoping ppl will see it as more personal image

  • Oh you poor thing, what an unnecessary stress leading up to your big day.  Definitely don't change your theme though; it has such a special meaning for you.  What about having some little cards printed with a butterfly pic and a little explanation of your butterfly theme along with a special message about your Mum?  

    Even better, you can buy recycled paper with seeds embedded into it designed to be planted and grow pretty flowers.  You could create very sweet favours for guests to plant their own butterfly-friendly flowers with your little printed cards.  It wouldn't be hard to make and I'm a dab hand with photoshop if you ever need help just message me.

  • Sorry - me again.  I found these pretty butterfly cut outs which can be planted.

    Attached to a little card you can make & print yourself with a personal message about your theme and your mum, I think they'd make a lovely table favour.

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