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Nightmare Bridesmaid!

My two sisters are going to be my bridesmaids. My younger sister is my maid of honour and my older sister a bridesmaid.

My younger sister has been an absolute breeze. She has been happy, supportive and involved with everything right from the start and is more than happy to be involved with everything too. My older sister, is being a complete nightmare. She has argued with me about absolutely everything so far. 

Apart from the dresses, which I made sure both of my sisters were happy about, I have let them choose everything else themselves and I have paid for it all.

Even though they have free choice of what they want and I will pay for everything they want and/or need, my older sister keeps arguing with me about everything.

She has said things like "I will not be your bridesmaid or even come to your wedding if I have to wear ugly shoes" and has stated that she hates weddings and is sick of them. 

She has argued with me about the makeup artist and the hair dresser, claiming they are both rubbish, when actually they're both very highly credited in their fields of work and have absolutely amazing reviews and their photos are faultless.

She has argued with me about our photographer and the coaches, even though both have absolutely nothing to do with her at all.

She has even argued with me about not wanting to stay over at the venue, when I told her she didn't have to if she didn't want to. 

The list honestly, goes on and on and on.

I don't talk to her about anything wedding related anymore and haven't for about 3 or 4 weeks after our engagement. I assumed that maybe the issue was just me bugging her by talking about it too much for the first few weeks of our engagement. But still, months later and every time I see her or we talk, she will bring something up, and always in an aggressive manner, and argue with me even if there is nothing to argue about.

It's gotten to the final stages of our planning now. I have been considering lately, to ask her to not be a bridesmaid. She is making everything so hard on everyone, not just me. She has fallen out with my younger sister recently too because she didn't defend her when she was arguing with me about whether or not they should stay at the venue the night of our wedding (I told them there was a room for them if they wanted it, but if not, we wouldn't mind). I am already so stressed out with the planning (having some issues with our venue, minister and a supplier), and have a million other things to be doing and she is just making everything worse.

She got my Mum involved the other day. My Mum ended up falling out with me because my sister lied to her about an argument about makeup. My younger sister had to set the record straight with my Mum before my Mum would even talk to me again.

If I asked my sister to not be a bridesmaid, I think it would probably cause my Mum to fall out with me too. So I basically feel like I just can't win.

But I really don't think she is handling it very well at all, and has absolutely no interest whatsoever in actually being part of our day. I have asked if there was something going on, but she swears there isn't then accuses me of not taking her "concerns" seriously. She's right though, I don't. I can't understand why I would take the "not being a bridesmaid if she has to wear ugly shoes" comment seriously. She can have whatever she wants so I don't even understand how that was an issue in the first place.

Does anyone have any advice for me or anyone had to deal with anything similar? If so, what did you do?

Posts

  • Is she single? Immediately the 'older' bit leapt out of the page at me - it's common for crazy jealousy issues when a little sister gets married first. She may be getting unhelpful comments about her little sister beating her to it? No excuse for being bratty of course, but could explain it. 

    No real advice (sorry!) except that I don't know any wedding that is without some sort of family drama, so you aren't alone. Hopefully someone in a similar situation can help you more. 

  • Sounds like jealousy to me, plain and simple

    Shes older so should be getting all this attention

    I take it shes not married

    Think carefully before 'sacking her'... Like you said you stand to fall out with others in the process

    Is it possible to have a conversation with her that ends up with her dropping Out rather than being kicked out? 

  • I agree with Speccy, comes across completely jealous! Just think would you regret it more down the line if she wasnt a BM than if she is?

  • MrsB4MrsB4 Posts: 135

    maybe just try to distant yourself from telling her things about the wedding so it avoids the arguments! My older sister has stressed me out too, its hard!! xx

  • I have been having similar problems with my older sister who is one of my bridesmaids, she is unmarried and has been a bridesmaid lots of times before.  She is very good with detail but its almost as if she is planning her own wedding telling me what I do and don't like! I started with patience but then had to step in a few times when she suddenly tells me she doesn't like something, that I actually do like. E.g. having the photographer there in the morning before the wedding, she very quickly told me she wasn't having any photos taken in the morning, so I did have to remind her it is my wedding and I would like some photos in the morning, not posed but just of what's going on. I won't put them in the wedding album but would still like them to have. Then, as my sister lives close to my mum, she then talks to her and gets my mum to agree with her so its like battling against them both for what I & my fiance like! 

    There have been more issues since and when talking to a friend she gave me a very useful English lesson.  The word bridesmaid should really be bride's maid. So yes, a prestigious role in any wedding but a role where you do what the bride says! 

    I have now started to (admittedly in a joking, funny way... don't want to be too confrontational) remind them of this and refer to them as my maids and it has started to help.  She has started asking me what I think before voicing what she thinks. I'm not getting them to do lots of planning or anything in advance but involving them in discussions and I am starting to drop in what they, as my maids, will need to be doing on the day e.g. getting everyone on the dance floor, getting the right people rounded up for photos etc. So hopefully by the day they will be fully prepared and they won't be throwing any tantrums!

    So just remember why the role is there, to help and support the bride! No more bride's maidzillas!!

    x

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