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Inlaw issues

The title pretty much says it all! The outlaws are doing my bloody head in (MIL is the worst but FIL is pretty bad too), I actually think they live on a different planet!   [blockquote class=postcontent restore ]mil is so annoyed her son is a married man and boy does she make it obvious (we had a pretty good relationship before the engagement)! 
Tonight she has pretty much called told me I'm ungreatful, in front of ALL of husbands family, as I haven't sent out thank you cards yet; 6weeks after the wedding and later than I hoped to have them out but I wanted nice ones and that took time to organise. I actually had theirs to give to her but I'm going to post it to be a complete bitch (and I didn't trust myself not to throw the card at her head after the snippy comments)
There just always something she's picking at and it makes me so bloody mad, then husband and I have words 


anyone else have this problem?  
I don't want to stop visiting completely but I will if I can't nip this bitching in the bud! 
Husband is useless too, too laid back for his own good and just doesn't want to see there's an issue 


Posts

  • laurapjlaurapj Posts: 726

    I really feel for you. Sadly we can't choose our in-laws and this is a common problem.....my MIL is sweet but I loathe my brother-in-law and his wife. Don't even get me started on them and how they've treated us in recent months and at the wedding; they are not good people - I would very happily live the rest of my life without seeing them again. Mercifully they live in America, so I don't have to spend much time with them, but I do literally dread and worry about the next time they come to visit. Hubby adores his big brother (his dad died when he was very young so his bro is his only male role model), is also very laid back and forgives way too easily which winds me up and I find that I really have to bite my tongue a lot of the time when his brother comes up in conversation. But I do, because I love my hubby and I don't want to be responsible for a family feud, making him pick sides and driving a wedge between him and the people he loves. I know he would always stand by me if it came down to it, but I don't want to put him in that position or risk any underlying resentment towards me. He knows how I feel, and I know that he's truly grateful that I take the higher ground, remain civil (as hard as I find it at times!) and grin and bear his family for him. Thank god for friends who we can blow off steam too, boy have they heard some angry rants!

    I imagine your MIL is going through an adjustment period - hopefully when she's had time to get used to the changes and realise and appreciate you're not going anywhere, she'll settle down and not feel the need to 'compete' for her son's affections or pick at you. I think it's very common for wives and MIL's to clash, I suppose you just need to decide if it's petty stuff that pisses you off but generally you can shrug off, or whether you want to be in a feud and cut ties because she's genuinely going to make your life a misery...

    I do think it's ok to keep your distance a little. Maybe not go every single time hubby visits her (she'll probably be thankful for some time alone with her son too actually, so it could be a win-win for you both!). I hope it all settles down soon - either way, places like this are a great place to come and vent when you do need to! xxx

  • Anna22Anna22 Posts: 157

    Sorry to hear you're going through this - is does seem to be a common thing -  mums not being able to let go.

    Just a quick question - when you MIL said you were ungreatful for not yet sending out thank you cards - was this directed at just you or was your husband also included?  If just you - then maybe point out to her that thank you cards are from both you and your husband?? (even if it is just you doing them).  Posting the card is perfectly fine and completely appropriate.

    For future visits, does it make sense to have a chat with your husband before going?  Just to agree that if there are certain conversational flashpoints, that you and he are on the same page and have agreed ways to handle the conversations?  He and you need to be a united team (when facing both his family and with your family).

    good luck hope this works....

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