What would you do?

Hi everyone,

I'm just looking for ideas really, and to see what others would do in my position..

We have decided to get married abroad due to family issues on my side and we would rather get married somewhere else anyway.

I am a natural worrier and anxious person so I don't really want to invite many people as I hate being the centre of attention, and to be honest I would just worry if people are having a good time - the more people, more worry!

We thought close family and friends but this would still mean inviting approx 50 people, close family would be close to 30 guests.

We have thought about eloping but I'm not sure if I would regret it, and I am the only daughter so I do feel a little guilty on my parents.

Neither of us want the wedding to be a big deal!

As you can probably guess I'm a little confused as to what I want 




  • Hi,

    I wanted a quite wedding abroad,but after thinking certain people who we wanted there,would be unable to make it,we decided to do it here,everything is booked deposits paid,and I'm worrying about everything,I choose my dress on my own,shown photos to mum and sister they both hate it,but I feel comfortable in it! So now I'm worrying no one will like it,it's just escalated from a small wedding to something we really didn't want,I'm really shy so I'm worried about people looking at me

  • How long have you been engaged?

    If it's fairly recent you could plan an engagement party, which is actually secretly your wedding! You could either have just immediate family in on it if you wanted to get married in a church/registry office and have them there, or tell no one and pick a licensed venue that a registrar could come to.

    If you've been engaged for a while and don't think the engagement party ruse would work, you could still do a similar thing but using a different occasion as your cover e.g. you/your H2B birthday.

    Thinking of it as 'just a party' might take some of the worry/stress away for you?

  • Could you go for the middle ground abroad? Go away with just parents and siblings? Depending on siblings this might still make it a large group though?


    A friend of mine had a registry office wedding with about 12 people and a party the next day. My brother in law just had about 12 people for a restaurant meal. There are ways of including parents etc if you want to without it being large.

  • I agree with the others, You could if you wanted just have a small reg office wedding with parents and siblings and maybe have just a normal party that evening or the next day? x

  • Thanks for the replies


    We definitely want to do it abroad, and have been thinking of USA so no reg office I'm afraid. I would be in an awkward position if we had the wedding here due to divorced parents and split families. By going abroad I would feel OK with not inviting my dad.

    Just parents and siblings would still be over 20 guests as there are step families involved lol! I think I feel torn as we don't want it to be a big deal, so I would feel bad asking people to go all that way for it, even if it is just close family.

    My parents also don't have much money so I do feel guilty because of that also.

    I may have a chat with my Mum and see what her views on elopement are, it's only really because of her that I'm considering inviting the others.

  • If it's only because of her, why don't you elope but take her as one of your witnesses? Do what you feel more comfortable with as planning a wedding is stressful enough without it being the day you really don't want.

  • I have tried pleasing everyone in the run up to the big day and its left me feeling stressed out ,and upset so I think more,than ever you need to do what you want because you only get one day

  • heliganedenheliganeden Posts: 1,848

    Remember that with a wedding abroad not everyone will come - we invited 50 people and ended up with 30 there, why not ask on the weddings abroad board and see how many guests other people have ended up with? 

  • Thank you all for the helpful advice


    We have decided to go with Vegas in two years time and invite close family and friends, hopefully most will be able to come but I'm just excited about us two being there!



  • Jomc11Jomc11 Posts: 484

    We wanted to gI away just us & family weren't heppybso we compromised & has only immediate family. Biggest regret ever, as lovely as our day was it wasn't what we wanted. Dont let anyone pressure you, it's your & your fiances day so do it exactly how you want

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