No support or help from the H2B!

Is anyone else experiencing the stress of trying to do everything on your own?

 

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Posts

  • Memza89xMemza89x Posts: 1,533 New bride

    Hi Chele,

    I think most brides experience this! Including me! My h2b shows little interest in wedding convo and when I talk too much he just changes the subject lol. I've told him I'd like some in put and he says it's not that he isn't excited - he just doesn't care much about the little details that I do. I've given him a list of things that need his involvement and he's quite happy with that. I consult him before making any decisions about things or paying deposits too. The thing is the small bits of input he's given I've been a bit likeimage so it's maybe best leaving simple tasks to them haha. 

    Somdont be dishartened because I think you are one of many b2bs having this problem!

  • CheleChele Posts: 27

    Thanks for the reply Memza89x.

    Thing is he doesnt bother with anything. He thinks its fine for me to worry about everything and he just helps with the paying!

    I have no parents to help out and his mother is not interested.

    My sister is not interested because shes jealous she hasnt been married yet but I am the oldest.

    I just feel really alone and am not enjoying all this anymore. I feel like calling it all off to be honest because will he be disinterested after we are married aswell????

  • CheleChele Posts: 27

    He doesnt even do any simple tasks! I booked the registrar for him yesterday because if I had left it to him, he wouldnt have got an appointment.

     

    Hes just bloody lazy and has been spoilt by his mummy!

    image

  • Memza89xMemza89x Posts: 1,533 New bride

    The best thing to do is vent on here that why I joined! As much as my family love me and are very excited too I tend to over blab about everything! I think because there are so many decisions to be made it tends to take over your life but the reality is it's your wedding and it's likely that you will want to talk about it more than anyone else. 

    I don't think that his disinterest will necessarily reflect on your married life - as I say I really do think it's more of a bride thing to do. my h2b showed no interest at all at the start and it took me to say to him "look I'm starting to feel like you don't want this wedding at all" then he told me he did but just wasn't that bothered about the little details like I am. He said it would be silly to give his opinion on something he's not fussed for which could change something I really want. Which I get.

    Do you have bridesmaids? If you want to spill or vent or blab I will lend an earimage

  • Memza89xMemza89x Posts: 1,533 New bride

    Honestly I have done all the arranging and only consulted him. with the photographer he was like "don't know why I have to be there it's you that takes it all in" but I reminded him that we will be spending a lot of the day with this person there so it's important that he likes her. At the moment his job is to find out where and when to order kilts. yet to hear anything!

    when and where are you getting married?

     

  • CheleChele Posts: 27

    Hi again Memza89x. Thank you. Im not a young bride to be so not screaming with excitement (Ill be 43 next month) but it would be nice to have a little bit of help.

    I have my sister as a bridesmaid who I mentioned earlier is not really interested and my daughter who is due to give birth around 6 weeks before the wedding!

     

    My closest friend has changed since I became engaged 2 years ago and I hardly ever see her now!

    I have lots of friends but not close ones which is why Im finding it really difficult right now.

    Thank you for your ear....I feel like Ive got no-one at the moment image

  • CheleChele Posts: 27

    Im getting married on 1st Aug 2015 in a tudor barn. The venue is beautiful.

    How about you Memza89x?

  • CheleChele Posts: 27

    I live in London Memza89x so am getting married there.

    Originallly we booked our wedding in Cyprus but my sister and his brother said they couldnt afford the flights even tho we gave them 2 years notice!!!!

  • Memza89xMemza89x Posts: 1,533 New bride

    Yeah I get what you mean! 

    Its difficult when people have their own things going on in their lives. It's times like this that you realise who is important, there are some people I choose not to chat to about the wedding as I can tell they aren't really interested. 

    Like I say though I'm here if you want a chat! 

    Have you planned much so far?

  • Jomc11Jomc11 Posts: 484

    Mine was exactly the same, to be fair i dont think they realise what goes in to it, sit him down & tell him how you feel but also be aware that he doesn't really care about 15 different shades of ivory or know what flowers are nice/will match so chances are thats why he isnt helping as hes a man & they are useless lol, i did howewver make mine go to all the appointments with me, decor meeting, florists etc as I thought no your not getting awaywith it all that easily.

    On the day youll know all your hard work was worth it.

    On our day it didnt matter how all the guests said it looked the 1 person i remember congratulating me about it all is what hubby said in the room after it, made it all worth while so bear with it & you will get through it

  • Darling, in a way you could count yourself lucky!  Mine wasn't interested at all and now he has lots of 'opinions', like he wants a mobile phone with a slideshow of us instead of a cake topper, it MUST be this band etc!  This way at least you won't have any disagreements with him about the things that are important to you.  

    Maybe try asking him to complete a different task, I asked H2B to chose the beer and he's spent many happy weeks 'researching!'  Don't worry about it.  

    Remember that a wedding is a very different thing from a marriage.  The fact that he has asked you, and is helping to finance it, means he very much wants to be married to you. TBH most guys aren't bothered by the details that mean so much to us.

    I'm really sorry your MIL and sister aren't that interested.  Is the wedding soon, or not till next year?  I don't want to bore my friends and family so I have regular wedding chats with a girl at work who is getting married close to my venue.  She is the only one who wants all of the details!  This is what forums are for.  We are interested in your wedding even if your own family aren't!

    Best Sarah xx   

  • MrsMnowMrsMnow Posts: 463

    I think this is normal for men! when we were planning our wedding, my husband wasn't interested at all! On the actual day of wedding, he didn't even know what flowers, centre pieces or even the room lay out we were having - all he knew was the wedding car.

    I wont worry to much about his dis-interest, most men just don't get it! especially the attention to detail that us ladies want.

    On our wedding day my husband did offer his thanks to me for all my efforts and only at this point did he understand what planning a wedding takes.

    Try to relax and enjoy the process (I actually missed it after the wedding) 

  • Memza89xMemza89x Posts: 1,533 New bride

    That sounds nice Chele! I originally wanted a barn reception but the closest one was about and hour away from my ceremony venue so though it would be too much hassle!

    we are getting married next year at a small local castle and having a reception at a hotel! It's saturday 19th March image

    I agree I think it will be worthwile and he will appreciate your efforts when he sees them! I told my h2b a few weeks ago about a bit of diy I was doing and he was like "these are all things that cost unnecessary money" then when I showed him the end result he was like "aw that's really nice actually if I went to a wedding that had that I would feel like I wasnt just another number" so that made me feel good and a bit like ha told you soimage

  • CheleChele Posts: 27

    Thank you for your advice and experiences ladies...Sarah (TeamJamieson-Lowe) you nearly made me cry....This is what forums are for.  We are interested in your wedding even if your own family aren't!

    Im glad Im not the only one feeling like this and Im getting so close to the wedding now

    Only 5 months and one week!

    He actually texted me at lunchtime today to ask how much the flowers are going to cost...

  • CheleChele Posts: 27

    Memza89x...How grand, a castle! Sounds beautiful. At least you still have a lot of time to get everything ready x

  • Hi Chele.  We are date twins! I too get married 1st August although the 5 months 1 week is actually quite scary and makes me realise I need to get my act together with stuff!

    My H2B has been married before so he has handed over complete free reign for me to have/do whatever I like. Sounds good but he just never seems to have an opinion when I ask him stuff so I feel your pain! It would be nice for him to be involved or for him to say yay or nay to stuff but I don't think it's gonna happen. we walked past a bridal shop and I asked him which dress he preferred in the window (none like mine!) and he said they all looked the same to him! They were TOTALLY different from each other! As other posters have said, most blokes just don't see it! You could try asking him to help with the ceremony music although H2B suggested the theme to Star Wars! I "might" actually do it as a surprise!

    Either way, he asked YOU to marry him and spend the rest of your lives together and that is worth more than some matching frocks and a table centrepiece. Enjoy your special day together, the fruits of your labour WILL be appreciated xxx

  • TadpoleTadpole Posts: 2,134 New bride

    Hi Chele,

    I found the best means of getting my hubby involved was to give him proper tasks to do rather than just asking his opinion on things or wanting to chat about the details because I had it all sorted in my head anyway and it just wasn't really his thing! So things like: go pick up rings, put invitations into envelopes or pick a canape!!

    But I must say that he did know exactly how much work I  was putting into it and did appreciate it come the day itself!

    xx

  • CheleChele Posts: 27

    Thanks Tiny3003 and Toad Bride. I  just want it all to hurry up and be over so I can go on my honeymoon that I am choosing alone as he cant be bothered with that either!

    Good luck with your planning x

  • Hey Chele, I hope you are feeling better about it!

    This is why wedding forums are so popular, most of our families aren't nearly as interested as the B2B's on here.  

    Just search the Emotional Support threads for so many examples of overbearing MILs and GroomZillas if you want to feel a bit better.

    Again I'm so sorry you don't have parents to help in this time.  I know how you feel as I lost my Mum and we don't really see MIL.  As for my Dad he doesn't even see the point of a white wedding dress as you only wear it once!  (Bloody men!)

    As for cost, my H2B verbally invited some work friends, and I said, "that's cool baby, but it's put us £600 over budget, so maybe we should discuss any further invites."  Not surprising he agreed!  

    I don't want this day to be all about me and H2B at all.  It's a big and special day for my family as well and I want them to be happy.  But I'm damn sure I'm doing the planning myself.   

    On the honeymoon, I always book our holidays, H2B knows I always choose something awesome and would rather I planned it all.  I knew a girl who's husband insisted on booking the honeymoon as a surprise.  Her dream was to go to the Maldives but their relationship wasn't honest enough for her to share that with him.  The honeymoon he did book was a disaster and they were separated on return and divorced within 6 months.  Sad but true.  

    Oh and the flowers, try and play down the cost, they don't understand that at all!!! image  My H2B was horrified when he saw the cost of hair/make up.  But as they say, if a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing well!

  • My H2B showed very little interest initially. I spoke to him about it and he said it was because the wedding was ages away (we got engaged at the end of July 2014 and we're getting married on the 11th April 2015!) so there was no rush to get things organised!

    Luckily, he has become more involved over the last couple of months and even surprised me by actually wanting to come to the meeting with the florist! 

    Is there any chance your H2B is feeling similar? At the moment it all seems quite far away, so he doesn't think he really needs to do anything just yet?!

  • CheleChele Posts: 27

    No he's just bloody lazy and his mother spoilt him! He's 36 by the way and doesn't even know how to cook a sausage!

  • Haha, mine is 39, and I wouldn't want him to plan a p**s up in a brewery. I would have called things off months ago if it wasn't for the fact I can't work the tv by myself and I don't know where we keep the Internet router.  (Only joking). Xxx image

  • CheleChele Posts: 27

    I'm just so annoyed with him this week! I even emailed my venue to tell them they're useless and haven't helped me at all! They were supposed to give me a wedding planner but she left last year! Ggggrrrrr! IVE HAD ENOUGH! ???? x

  • Sweets, take a deep breath, and remember that we are here for you.  with 5 months to go you need support from the venue at the least!  Is there anything in particular that is stressing you out with the planning?  Menu choices, table plans, etc?  Lay it out down here and get it off your chest before you explode....image

  • CheleChele Posts: 27

    Thank you Sarah. I can't really do the table plans until I get all the replies back by May 1st.

    my daughters baby is due June 16th so I can't get bridesmaid dresses until after that. We already picked the menus last year.

     To be honest, there isn't loads to do but I  the only one who's done it all and its pi**ed Me off coz it's not just me getting married. Does that make any sense?

    we haven't chosen rings yet coz he is always too busy, we haven't booked a honey moon coz he's always too busy but anything I suggest, he doesn't want!

    his mother hasn't helped or shown an interest. She said she would make the favours but hasn't discussed it with us at all.

    im just fed up, sorry for moaning but I just want to run away and not bother anymore!

     

     

  • I just get on with in quietly in the background, that's what I'm doing.  Moan away here, trust me it will make you feel a bit better.  

    As for the honeymoon, why don't you tell him it's a surprise and then get a Saga Holidays brochure delivered to the house.   Or maybe 18-30 club hehehe!  

    Congrats on your daughters baby by the way!  

    Don't worry, 95% of men are rubbish at planning weddings.  But 93% of men are good at being married.  I made the statistics up but you know what I mean!  

    Where are you getting married?

    I have chosen Fingask Castle in Perthshire, Scotland.

  • CheleChele Posts: 27

    I agree with everything you're sating Sarah.

    im getting married in s tudor barn in South London. It's lovely.

    a castle sounds greaT! Do you live in Scotland? X

  • Yes, we are in Edinburgh and the castle is lovely.  I do love barns as well! Xx

  • double post 

  • CheleChele Posts: 27

    I'd love a castle but there's none nearby!

    we did originally book a beach wedsing in Cyprus but after we paid the £500 deposit, my sister and his brother both said they would never be able to afford the flight! They had 2 years to save up!

    You've got ages until your wedding! Have you got a lot planned already? X

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