Inlaws sulking

We recently announced that we had officially booked a wedding venue and date after over a year of umming and ahhing about where to get married. The first thing my in-laws to be asked was "Can we throw a party for all the family". We agreed to this as we are only having a very small wedding with very close friends and immediate family. After this every single conversation we had with them went straight to their party and they wouldn't talk about our wedding itself. Eventually my H2B asked them if we could just have a little bit of time focussing on the wedding because it felt like they weren't excited about the actual wedding at all. Both his parents threw their toys out the cot and said we weren't involving them in anything so it was our fault they weren't excited (bearing in mind at this stage it had only been booked 5 DAYS and H2B and I only get weekends together to discuss things as he works away, he had been away for all 5 of these days so no further planning had been done, I had also tried to involve them in venue choice but they were not interested unless it was on their terms). I came up with a job for them the same day and the immediate response was "We don't want to do it". They are now not speaking to us! What on earth am I supposed to do???



  • Claire121Claire121 Posts: 113 New bride

    Let your fiance deal with them, I have been advised that its best when battling with family for 'blood to deal with blood'. Basically, he is related to them and therefore its best you don't wade into the fight. 

    Give them a bit of space to cool off. Ask your fiance to chat with them, he can explain that you haven't done any planning yet other than booking a venue and would certainly love to have them involved in project a, project b etc. Don't give them open choices, its still your wedding day and you get to dictate what you let them take over. It might be best if you just go ahead and do your own thing if they are going to try and control it though. 

  • Little JulesLittle Jules Posts: 1,538

    Yes, he definitely needs to talk to them. He needs to remind them that it's still early stages, but maybe get him to talk to them about ways they may want to be involved. Keep consulting them on things, but if they don't want to get involved your way, their loss.

  • Anna22Anna22 Posts: 157

    I agree with the other posters, your fiance should talk to them.  But I disagree a little about the suggestions on how to get them involved.  If they threw a strop about the idea of talking about the wedding, and they then objected to a task that you asked them about, do you really want them getting more involved?  I would suggest that you and your fiance talk through all your decisions and choices first, then perhaps present them as a fait accompli to his parents? possibly less tension that way....

    anyway, congratulations and good luck!!


    we are having the same issues we are getting married 15th July 2017 !! over 2 years away!

    from the word go we have only had hassle

    like you my H2B works away so we only get weekends and with it being so far away no we aren’t taking about it every weekend !

    but apparently we are no including them!

    i keep getting at the moment " well at our wedding we did this.. so we think you should"

    we are having afternoon tea as our wedding breakfast and Hog roast in the evening - we asked peoples opinions before we had booked we soon learnt don’t ask for opinions only tell them once booked when things cant be changed.

    you will probs find your side of the family will be really helpful and his just won’t be but please remember its your day they have had theirs

  • mandm64mandm64 Posts: 4

    They have decided they are still friends with me and tried to cut him out for some reason but I managed to get them talking to him again by telling them about some good news about his job. He is a bit upset cos they seem to have cancelled their party now (he doesn't want them upset) but I'm glad it's cancelled! They had hired out a hall and caterers and a band! I find this all really insulting and really upsetting that they won't accept that we want a small wedding with people we actually know and like!!

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