Venting - MOH can't come to the wedding

Hi Brides,

My MOH has accepted a job overseas in the USA. It is something she has always wanted and has worked hard for - I remember chatting about working stateside when we were at school!

Trouble is, she is unable to return for my wedding this summer as it is during a busy period when she cannot take leave. I have a couple of months to go - the numbers for the venue have not been finalised etc. so it is not an 'inconvenience', just a huge shame.

I would never get in the way of my friend achieving her dream for one day - we were even chatting about how great it would be if she got the job a month ago (without knowing what it meant for the wedding haha), but I am absolutely devastated.

Since she broke the news I am surprised at how much I have lost interest in the wedding. The idea of going to the hen party (which she was planning and now cannot attend as she is leaving soon), choosing decor, trying on my dress etc. etc. all without her just makes me want to cry. I have other lovely bridesmaids to be there with me and my fantastic mother - but I never thought I would be getting married without my best friend.

I know I have to be grown up about this, making her feel guilty would not be fair and I have told her I'm OK; but the truth is I really am not. Thanks for reading my vent, any tips for dealing with this would be much appreciated!

A Sad Bride image


  • VicNVicN Posts: 1,352

    Oh, I can see why you feel so sad and I'm sure she is devastated as well to not be there. Is there some way you could have her connected by Skype or Facetime when you go for your dress fitting and even during the ceremony or during the reception at some point so you can still share the day with you a little bit? I know it's not the same as having her being there but she can still be involved? 

    I would say just let yourself be sad for a while! It's a situation that can't be helped and you have every right to feel sad about it - wallow for a little while, then get back to thinking about how amazing your day is going to be. 

    And go cry on your mum's shoulder. That's what mums are for image 


  • VicNVicN Posts: 1,352

    PS I think you are right not telling her just how upset you are. If it was something that could be changed then it would be worth telling her but as it is just going to upset you both and there will be nothing that can be done, it is just going to make her feel even more guilty than she probably already does xx

  • Annie12Annie12 Posts: 86

    I'm in pretty much the same situation. My best friend is working in Aus and has pretty much said to others that she will not be back for my wedding next year. I am gutted, and can't even bring myself to ask her herself if she can or can't come. 

  • Karen62Karen62 Posts: 244

    You poor thing, I feel so sorry for both of you when both wedding & job should be reasons for celebration. Skype or FaceTime through some of the moments could be good & help you to still connect & as Vic says allow yourself to be a bit sad it's normal & then try to have some small fun things to get back into things & Im sure you friend wouldn't want you to lose heart in your wedding.

    hope you feel better soon Kxx

  • Charlie22Charlie22 Posts: 2

    Thanks so much for your kind messages. It really helps image Also interesting to hear that I am not the only one facing this. I am trying to focus on other fun bits of the wedding to gradually come out of my wallowing - looking at hairstyles and makeup on Pinterest today! Also Vic, thanks for reassuring me that I am doing the right thing in not talking about it more with my MOH, it would just make the pain worse. I need to take her out for drinks to toast the new job too -  as Karen says it should also be a cause for celebration, but the wedding issue has meant that I haven't been excited for her at all which is unkind remembering how happy she was when I got engaged. Will sort out Skype and Facetime for the Big Day too!

  • MrsTwizbeMrsTwizbe Posts: 3,352 New bride

    Could you move your hen do to before she goes? At least it will feel a bit more like she is involved and you can have a bit of a 'last party' as it where?


  • SJ6SJ6 Posts: 45

    I'm so, so sorry to hear this. My chest actually hurts for you! I've had two close friends emigrate in the past two years and it's awful. Thank god for FaceTime.


    I wonder if one of your other friends might drop some hints for her to make a little personal video/ send a gift/ create a memories book so that she can 'be there' without actually being there. Maybe leave her a chair at the ceremony too with a US flag on it so she's there in spirit. Also, you never know...she might just find she can come. If it's NYC, Norwegian Airlines do really good budget flights.


    Please be selfish and enjoy your Pinteresting. My wedding has had its ups and downs so I totally sympathise about losing the excitement, however I'm sure it will all come good for you on the day x

  • Little JulesLittle Jules Posts: 1,538

    Big hugs from me too. We have a few international friends, and one of my closest friends couldn't make it on the day. I was really sad, but understood the work pressures. My BM and I (the three of us are very close) whatsap'd her photos before and after the wedding and tried to make her feel part of the day. I was really sad not to have her there, but we've promised to celebrate together when we are next on the same continent!

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