Forum home Emotional support

RSVPs in...and hardly anyone is coming

Just cried my eyes out for about an hour. I have quite a large family and we opted for a wedding that's within 10 miles from the majority of them (even though me and H2B live 250 miles away).


I got the RSVPs back and other than my parents and brother, I have ONE cousin and ONE aunt coming. In my wildest glass-half-empty nightmares, I didn't expect this. They're all saying they can't get childcare for the night. I sympathise, but really? You don't know of a friend, trusted neighbour or babysitter who can't help out for a few hours?


I feel like it's going to be such a waste. I have two friends flying from the other side of Europe, yet my extended family won't come 6 miles. What a waste of money, planning,time, effort image


  • mrsbrazilmrsbrazil Posts: 148

    I really feel for you that you have been disappointed by your guests, and more importantly by family. I would suggest that you try let this breeze over you and not get too worked up about it, even though it is annoying/upsetting. This should be a happy time for you, so you should try to stay positive, although having said that, I'm the type of person that would remember this type of thing for a long time and see it as a sign of how valuable my relationship is (or not) to these people. On the positive you seem to have two fantastic friends that seem to care a lot about you, as they're travelling so far.

    Just a side thought, if they're blaming it on the children, did you set a no-child rule that they may be silently, passive aggressively protesting over?

  • Now_MrsMNow_MrsM Posts: 395

    Didn't want to read and run.....sending hugs because I know you must be beside yourself, sadly I don't know what to say to make you feel better because I doubt right now anything could, but in the clearer light of tomorrow when I promise you will be calmer just remember that your wedding isn't about how many guests you have, how many family are there or how much you can spend, it's about marrying the love of your life and in actuality the most important two people on the day will be there, you'll say I do and you will start your happy ever after.....anyone who isn't there, whatever their flimsy excuse will have missed something beautiful and quite frankly, shame on them!

    you will have a wonderful day image

  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • Little JulesLittle Jules Posts: 1,538

    I also wonder if there is a family member who could talk to them and see if anything can be done. Stress how important it is to you that they come. It may help if there is something else going on. Alternatively, is there a way you could help by allowing the children to come for part of the event? 

  • Hi SJ6

    Just to you let you know, you are not alone!  

    We sent our save the dates 10 months in advance and invites 6 months in advance.  None of my cousins, nor my uncle are coming. My Aunt may come (no RSVP yet), otherwise it's my parents and siblings from my family's side.  

    I am hugely disappointed my family couldn't find childcare 6 months in advance of the wedding, ours is an  adults only wedding.  

    However we have friends arranging for their parents to come to the county for a long weekend and look after the kids, we have a set of parents coming from Asia to look after a baby.  Just remember, your friends are your family as well!

    Right now it is painful, however you will have a wonderful day with the people you love and the people that love you. 



  • SJ6SJ6 Posts: 45

    Thanks guys. I didn't know if i was having a 32 year old's tantrum.

    I'm going to ask my mum if she can casually intervene as she tends to

    be the family peacekeeper.

    I just don't get it. We sent Save the Dates out 9 months in advance.

    We moved the venue from the other side of the country where we live to

    make it easier for family to be there.

    We've been to their christenings, barbecues and birthday parties

    despite the 5 hour drive, because we wanted to be there.


    I thought they'd afford me the same courtesy for a wedding.

  • susan28susan28 Posts: 268

    What a shame for you!  Is there no way you can allow the children to attend?  I have to say that the first time I got married I had a no children rule,  I didnt have any so I wasnt 'child friendly'  but when I did have my girls, (3)  I was always grateful when they were invited too.I would get your mom to ask if its because of the children that they arent attending and maybe consider having them on the evening if you really want these guests to be there. x

  • SJ6SJ6 Posts: 45

    Unfortunately we can't. The venue isn't a 'proper' venue, i.e it's someone's garden and there's water nearby so it's a health & safety thing. 

  • MrsWPtobeMrsWPtobe Posts: 435

    Didnt want to read and run, just wanted to say Im so sorry for you. This is horrible and does sound like theyre being passive aggressive towards the no-child thing. Don't let it colour your wedding planning.

    Look at it like, the less people, then the more special and intimate it will be, and the more champagne to go around. Thats how i looked at it when it happened to me, at least 50% of our guest list (my hubbys side) decided that they didnt want to come so our guest list went from about 85 to 36.

    I had a meltdown till i realised that it was they who were missing out. Our wedding was amazing and made so much more special by the fact that we had basically my immediate family and just a few close friends there. Everyone said how personal it was and how much they enjoyed it. (We had a back garden reception too) 

    I would send your Mum in as the enquirer/peace keeper though as chances are she will be able to keep her cool, whereas it might be a bit close to the bone for you as its emotionally draining enough just trying to plan. I promise you, if they dont come, it will be them regretting it. All of my hubbys lot are now whingeing about how they didnt attend and they wish they had done. Their loss, not yours hun. xxx

  • Eugenia-Eugenia- Posts: 121

    How sad for you, especially when you're the ones making the effort having a wedding 250 miles away from where you live!!!

    We're having a no kids wedding - apart from my niece and nephews as they are my immediate family. If we had had children, it would have meant an extra 25 mouths to feed, plus entertainment for the kids and we just couldn't afford that. All my friends with kids are happy to leave them behind and have a night off. My fiancee's cousins who all have kids are all trying to arrange childcare. So far they're all coming but we're still waiting on 2 rsvps. 

    I don't know why your family aren't making the effort, but it's definitely their loss hun! Embrace those who are coming, enjoy yourselves and remember the most important thing is that you are marrying your soul mate and best friend. 


Sign In or Register to comment.