Bridesmaid Drama

After countless google searches, I have yet to see anything that specifically addresses my problems. I have three bridesmaids in my wedding. One has been very supportive and helpful. Another has been difficult, but her heart seems to be in the right place. The third...well, there are no words.

Before I begin, I want to preface that I have not asked my bridesmaids to help me in any aspects of the wedding planning. I haven't treated them like henchwomen, or projected any expectations onto them that I haven't communicated. Although they live in the city where the wedding will take place, and I am from out of town, I haven't asked them to help me with the venue or any of the vendors. They haven't planned my bridal shower or my bachelorette party, so I doubt I will be having one. Furthermore, neither of them attended by engagement party.

I wanted the dresses to be something that the girls could re-ware. I didn't have a specific look in mind,but I wanted the dress to match he wedding colours (pastels). I was interested in a blush colour dress, since I have a blush sash and shoes and the junior bridesmaids are wearing blush. I didn't even care if the bridesmaids wore different dresses in different shades, just as long as they had some continuity to them that was consistent with the wedding. In short, I was open to anything as long as the dress was in pastels (preferably blush), and they were comfortable.

I asked them if they wanted to go anywhere to look for a dress, but they couldn't think of anywhere, so I did my research and made appointments in the city where they lived and traveled out of town so we could go dress shopping together. They couldn't decide on a dress that day, so I traveled back home and let them decide. About a month later, they tell me that they decided on a dress. I tried to send them texts to inquire if they have ordered them, but I didn't hear anything from them.

A few months later, I get an email from the dress maker saying two of by bridesmaids haven't ordered their dresses. She needed a commitment from the other girls so the dresses would be ordered in time and the dye would match the dress that was already ordered. I found out from the dress maker that the colour of the dress that was ordered wasn't blush or pastels, but navy blue. Apparently, one of my bridesmaids decided she didn't like the colour palate for my wedding, and decided to order hers in navy blue. Her justification was that it looked better on her and she thought it would let her 'blend in' more and wouldn't steal focus. This was ridiculous, since everyone is going to be in light colours and she will be in dark blue, but I let that one go and decided to change the colour palate of the wedding to accommodate this new shade. Since they are paying for the dresses themselves, I wanted them to like the dress even though it doesn't match the theme or palate of my wedding. However, with only two and a half months until my wedding date, I only have two out of three bridesmaids who have ordered their navy blue dresses. The other one still hasn't put the order through and has been ignoring my texts.

The same bridesmaid who decided to change the colour palate of my wedding has grown very distant. She told me she lost her phone, but she hasn't had it replaced for over two months now. We only communicate via email once every other week. I am about to send out my wedding invitations when she tells me that she already invited a guest to the wedding. This guest isn't a date, but a friend. This came as a total surprise to me. She told me that she always 'mentioned from the outset' that she was going to bring a plus one; however, I have no memory (or record) of this conversation. This kind of upset me, since I felt it was rude she was inviting people to my wedding without telling me. After all, does she decide if she gets to

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  • Jomc11Jomc11 Posts: 484

    You need to talk to her & tell her thats not acceptable.  I wouldnt have been changing my colours whether shes paying for the dress or not, you were clear in the colour you wanted?

    As for the inviting the guest thats just plain rude, you need to get this sorted & her told that this is your wedding or where will it end? She thinks she can do whatever she likes, maybe she thinks you wont say anything to her but you really really need to or it could get out of hand.  Be firm & just tell her

  • Can you explain to her how her actions are making you feel? (disappointed, like they're not interested in the wedding etc). If she doesn't change after you open up to her then I would say to her that you've bent over backwards to accomodate her, when she should be accommodating/looking after you!

    Do you know the friend she is planning to invite? I think it is very rude she would invite someone without your knowledge and you need to put your foot down on that one.

  • CrabcakefaceCrabcakeface Posts: 134

    Honestly I'm a bit flabbergasted at how these bridesmaids have been! Are they friends or relatives of yours?

    I think it is definitely worth trying to communicate your feelings to each bridesmaid. I would be upset if someone was inviting people to my wedding too and she needs to know you aren't going to accomodate this person.  

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  • Margo3Margo3 Posts: 5

    Thank you for all of the emotional support! I really felt like I was just being crazy for a while. These girls are my friends, but sometimes it feels like I'm grasping at straws with this definition. 

    I have tried to be honest with my feelings, but they are the kind of people by expressing too much honesty will only lead to an argument. I really want to avoid any kind of disruption, since I have a lot of other stressors, and I don't want to cause more problems if they can be avoided. I guess the problem is that two of these girls have been expressing very 'unfriend' like behaviour, and what makes it worse is that they are going to be standing next to me in my wedding pictures!

    My fiancé said it wasn't a big deal if she invites her friend to the wedding, but I kind of feel like that would be unfair to a lot of the other single guests that aren't given 'plus ones'. We are on a very tight budget and want to try and save where we can. We have allowed people to bring their significant other's to the wedding, but we can't afford every single person to bring a friend. It isn't so much the cost that is in question, but the principal. If she had asked to bring a friend, I would be more open about it, but she invited someone without asking me.  A part of me just wants to make her happy to avoid any conflict, but another part of me feels like she shouldn't be granted a plus one given her past and present behaviour.

    I think I'm going to give it a few days and ask my two difficult bridesmaids if they are feeling up to the task. I know that they are busy (but then again, who isn't), so maybe they need to step back. I don't want them to be a bridesmaid because they feel like they made a promise and now they have to go through with it. I want them to be a bridesmaid because they support me.

  • Elle89Elle89 Posts: 3

    Hi,

    What a horrible situation for you, here is my advice. I think the overall behaviour and attitude from your bridesmaids is unacceptable. Being a bridesmaid is an honour and they should be excited and trying to get involved, and do what would make you happy.

    Dresses - Ok so, changing your colour to accommodate the bridesmaid was a big step for you and she shouldn't have done that, it defies common decency she thinks that is ok. I would even now speak to her face to face and ask straight up why she done that to and how she thought it was ok. I would order the remaining bridesmaid dresses myself or if you are doubting their commitment (understandably) I would speak to them and say do you really want to be involved. If that happened to me, I would have said - ok we will just go with two bridesmaids.

    Bachelorette party - When you speak to the bridesmaids ask them straight up if they are organising this or should you organise it. You have to have one! You need to celebrate image If they aren't interested that is very poor on their part.

    Distance - The lost phone and email communication is a joke and they are treating you unfairly. I would ask straight up what is going on here.

    I think the main thing to do here is to try and regain some control over this, I know its hard if you are out of town and they are buying their own dresses but ultimately it is your wedding and you should enjoy the whole experience.

     

    I hope things get better for you image

     

  • Samantha86Samantha86 Posts: 210

    i'll fire that bridesmaid,, i'll ask my besties or my siblings to do that.

     

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