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H2B's mother very sick

Hi all

We got engaged 3 months ago and our planned wedding date is August 2016. A few basics have been booked already - ceremony, car, photographer, band have all been given deposits. We were on the point of paying the deposit for our reception venue this week, and were about to send out our Save the Dates.

However, this weekend we got the terrible news that H2B's mother is very sick, it looks like she may have pancreatic cancer. She lives in South America, so yesterday H2B had to drop everything and get on a plane to the other side of the world to be with her. He's now there waiting for her test results and I am here in the UK worrying myself sick! I'm assuming that the wedding is probably going to have to be brought forward or cancelled altogether, I dont mind this, it's him and his mum I'm concerned about.

We have wedding insurance so I'm sure we could get deposits back, but I am so upset at the prospect of her missing the wedding (as she will be too ill to get on a 12 hour flight), or even worse, her no longer being with us. I'm wondering if we should bring it forward and just get married now or in the next few months in Brazil. It would have to be a teeny tiny ceremony but would be just so she can see us married, maybe even without my parents there, as they may not be able to afford the flights - even though I have no idea how that works legally to get married in Brazil. I'm so stressed and upset because of the pain H2B is going through, I just wish I could take the pain away from him but I know I can't, and it breaks my heart to think his mum might never see her only child get married.


  • Sorry to hear your sad news. I would say hold off making any plans at the moment if you are still waiting for test results etc... for now I would leave things as they stand and make no more plans just yet. Once you know more where you stand you can decide whether you can go ahead with your plans as they are or if you need to adapt them. Perhaps consider doing the ceremony separate so that those you want there can witness the ceremony and then a celebration after... even if that means the two are done in 2 separate countries. Stay strong and be there for one another.... that it what families do after all. You could always have an official ceremony done and have a confirmation of vows or whatever they call them later on...

  • Samantha21Samantha21 Posts: 75

    Sorry to hear that. I agree, don't make any more plans wait until you know test results. I am going through the same thing but it's my mum. We get married in 16 weeks and in March my mum was diagnosed with,secondary breast cancer in bones lung and liver. She is still with us but not at all well Only weighs 6 stone. Just praying she holds on. I did contemplate bringing my wedding forward but decided not to. Thought it would be like we wasn't expecting her not to make it and had given up hope. Want to give her something to to fight for. You have a while to go yet and cancer is not always a death sentence. By this time next year she could have had treatment and be well again. Just wait and see. As for your fiance, the pain gets easier, I was devestated at the prospect of my mum not being at my wedding. It's got easier to deal with as the weeks pass by. It really puts a dampener on the excitement  of planning your wedding.. Wishing you all the best x


  • Thanks for your support.

    sorry you're going through this with your mum Samantha x

  • mrsbrazilmrsbrazil Posts: 148

    I'm very sorry to hear about your OHs mother. I really feel for you! Such a terrible situation. About the possibility that you may think about getting married in Brazil so she can attend, i think it's a very sweet idea and i could offer you some advice on that. I'm English and my OH is brazilian. We got legally married in Brazil last year (we live in Brazil, currently) and we're planning a separate wedding ceremony for religious reasons and vows etc for 2016. If you would like some advice on the legal part just let me know. Wishing you and your family all the best.

  • Thanks MrsBrazil, if we do want to explore that option I will PM you, I really appreciate it and it would be useful to know how to get a Brazilian wedding sorted paperwork-wise.

    I have been reading your planning thread, really enjoying it!

  • mrsbrazilmrsbrazil Posts: 148

    I haven't done a lot in the past few months as the Brazilian culture of leaving things til the last minute is stopping me from having serious talks with venues and caterers, once they find out it's next year they lose interest.. If you do decide it, you can pm me no problem!

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