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Is this stingey for a hen do?

I have been invited on a friend's hen do. I must admit I have made my excuses to go to only part of it, mainly because it involves a lot of expense, a large group, sashes and L plates and general tackiness, and a strip show - not my idea of fun! I want to go for my friend though so am going for the daytime bit. Her bridesmaid (who I don't know) is asking for deposits etc. from everyone - I know what it's like so don't begrudge her being organised etc. But she is asking if I will be paying towards the hen's costs - that is 2 nights in a hotel, strip show tickets, meals out, dance class, accessories etc. I don't want to appear stingey, especially as I don't know these people, but I kind of feel I should only contribute to the hen's costs for the bit I am doing, not the whole weekend with hotels etc. Am I being unreasonable? How do I answer her email which asks if I will contribute to the hen's costs?


  • I don't think that is unreasonable at all. I wouldn't expect anyone to pay for anything they weren't involved in. I would email her and state which activities you are taking part in and that you will pay however much it is to cover those

  • MrsLjCMrsLjC Posts: 1,232 New bride

    Definitely not unreasonable. You should only have to pay for what you're going to! 

  • I wouldn't expect anyone to pay for my hen do! And every hen do I've been on the bride has paid her own share. Only a few times everyone has contributed to the sashes and L plates etc which has been a surprise to the bride, so no, I dont think you're being stingey at all!!

  • lubeslubes Posts: 1,555

    i agree with novemberbride - i am planning to pay for my share of my hen do!

    i understand that this bridesmaid may want to 'treat' the bride, but i think even generally, that's a bit much to ask of all the hens to pay for everything, especially as it sounds quite an affair!

    i totally get how awkward you feel about it, but just be honest. if she's insisting that everyone contributes towards the bride's cost, like the other ladies have said, just offer a bit towards the activities you'll be joining in with. think about it - what's the worst that can happen? the bridesmaid isn't going to kick you off the hen do exactly (that will hardly go down well with your friend)! i would stand your ground on this one. she is asking too much in the first place in my opinion x

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