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Sister in law troubles

Hi, not sure if this is the place to post, but I'm in need of some unbiased advice :) sorry for the long story. Basically me & my fiancé booked our wedding last April, for May next year. Since this we have been hearing from numerous family members that my sister in law to be has been at the insults. First off it started with we stole her venue, she wasn't even engaged at the time, followed by comments about who my partner had for his best man, then it was how dare I not choose her as a bridesmaid etc etc. We had been ignoring these comments, putting it down to a tad of jelousy. However, she recently booked her wedding in the same venue as ours 6 weeks later, which again I ignored, but she then went to a family party a few days later, and started to belittle our wedding, saying "they're only having a f##^%ing buffet, its not even a proper wedding, we're having fish & chips" and similar things. At this point my partner confronted her, she ignored him and rang their mother crying, who then rang my partner screaming & swearing about upsetting his sister. We were very shocked about this. We heard nothing since for a couple of weeks, my partner is away on a stag do this weekend, and yesterday turned up at my house, walked straight in like nothing had happened. I straight away asked her if she had come to apologise, which she then told me my fiancé should apologise for confronting her, not her and I knew nothing. We have heard nothing since from her or their mum, who we usually see at least once a week and is now getting on 3 weeks since we last saw her. It's all very upsetting. I don't feel like I have done a thing to deserve any of this. Any advice of how to deal with this? I would be very grateful. Thank you 

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  • Hi Jane, really sorry to hear you're going through this, it must be really stressful for you.  If it were just your H2B's sister being out of order I would be tempted to carry on doing what you've been doing and just ignore it.  However, the fact that his mum is now getting involved is more of a worry.  Does she usually fly off the handle or is this unusual behaviour for her?  How does your H2B feel about it? if their family dynamic is usually quite volatile and he isn't too worried about it, it may just be a storm in a teacup that blows over.  But you said you were both shocked so this seems less likely.  If it's unusual for his mum to behave like this then there is probably some other situation going on behind the scenes which you don't know about.  In this case I would say your H2B needs to get his mum on her own so they can have a chat just the two of them.  I wouldn't advise trying to sort it yourself unless you previously had a really close relationship with her, it could well be bound up in all sorts of family politics which may go back before you even knew each other and you don't want to get stuck in the middle any more than you already are.  I'd suggest you speak to him when he's back after the weekend and take it from there, hopefully he will be able to diffuse the situation.  in the meantime, spend some time with your own family, bridesmaids etc if you can to give yourself a break.  Take care.x.x.x

     

  • Hi thank you for your reply. I believe my fiances mum & dad had a very messy divorce, resulting in my fiance and one of his sisters living with their dad and the other sister (the one in question) living with her mum, I believe there was a lot of nastiness over the years, but since I have been with my partner for the last 5 years, myself & my partner have gotten on great with everyone. My fiances mum has been a great grandma to our 2 children 3 & 1, and his sister has gotten on well with us too, she's even a god parent to one of our children, which is why this situation has shocked us. I tried to stay out of it completely, but since his sister turned up and let herself in, knowing my fiancé was away, I had no choice but to say something. To be honest I think she did it intentionally, to drag me into the drama. I was so happy when my sisters got married so it's all very confusing why she wouldn't feel the same, and I find it very sad that my childrens grandma hadn't seen them now for so long, my eldest asks about her too which is very sad. I can't see this situation being resolved at all :(. I don't see how I can forgive someone saying such nasty about our wedding, without her explaining why and apologising, and I cant imagine her doing that either. it's a mess. And luckily my mums been around with me & my children this weekend so we've had a great time while my partners been away, but this just keep bothering me & playing on my mind :( xxxx

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