Rude friend, should I invite her?

I need advice ladies! I have a friend, who since splitting (amicably) with her boyfriend last year, has been quite rude about my relationship. I saw her a few days ago, and one of her comments was 'You were so much more fun when you were single'... I have asked other friends if they think I am different, including my best friend and they have all said that I've toned it down a bit but I'm still the same person. She seems to have a real problem with me not being single anymore.

Problem is, I said that she was invited to the wedding when she wasn't being so offensive. I haven't sent out official invites yet, but with her attitude I am debating whether I want her to come or not. I don't know the etiquette of retracting an invite - do I tell her she is no longer invited and why, or do I just not send her one and if she brings it up, tell her the reason?

Any advice would be great! x

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  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • I guess her comments the other evening just got my back up because every time I've seen her over the past year she's had something to say. Thank you for the advice and perspective!

  • I'm sensing the green eyed monster here! From the way you phrase it, it sounds like you were with your H2B before she split up with her boyfriend, but the comments have only started since she's been single again - sounds like a very bad case of sour grapes to me   I suppose what I'd suggest would depend on how close a friend she is - if she's more of an acquaintance you could probably get away with just not inviting her.  If she's someone who's important to you though I'd suggest you try and have a chat with her, just point out that some of her comments have upset you and ask her if there is anything in particular that is bothering her.  If she's a good friend she'll probably feel very embarrassed and wind her neck in! Or maybe she'll confess that her amicable break-up has actually upset her more than she's been letting on. If you've already tried that and it hasn't worked I'd be tempted to tell her straight that if she can't be happy for you then you'd rather she didn't come to the wedding.  Again though, it depends how much you value her friendship and whether you'd rather risk losing her as a friend or having her make snide comments on the day....x.x

  • I haven't had this on my side, but my OHs business partner is one of those who is very bitter about marriage. He has been divorced twice and has children who won't speak to him because he left their Mum for another woman. He keeps on telling my partner he is making a mistake and trying to talk him out of it! My fiancé has been catagoric with him: we only want people who are happy for us there. If he can't control his bitterness than he is not invited just for a free meal.

    I don't think it is necessarily like that with your friend, maybe just challenge her next time she says something?

  • MrsMannionMrsMannion Posts: 1,337 New bride

    I wouldn't me n my h2b were together for 2 months n we spilt up it was nothing bad he just didn't want to in a relationship and we were not serious then a few months passed and he realised how much he missed me lol and we got bk together my best friend told me not to get back with cuz he was a idiot I can't say the real words she used, she then said I liked him alot more when u two were not together anyway we got back together now it's been 5 year me n my friend hardly talk and once we said we were getting married she had the cheek to say am I bridesmaid and I was like no ur not even invited, she is still trying to come but I said no its aboard and I haven't told her were it is and iv told her no, it's up to u if you don't or do want to invite her but u need to make that yourself and not listen to anyone else as it's ur wedding x

  • lubeslubes Posts: 1,555

    i completely agree with the others who say it's a case of jealousy - that's how i see it. rise about it  i understand that she may have upset you though, and for that i don't think she is a great friend to you. if she cared, she should be happy for you regardless, not looking to bring you down.

    the thing is, the way i interpret someone being 'invited' to the wedding can mean day or evening. even when someone says i'm invited to their wedding, i wouldn't make assumptions until the invite arrived! could you get away with inviting her to the evening? i guess it depends how strongly you feel about her not attending full stop and whether you're willing to face the consequences if you don't. 

    just think, if she does come, she will be one of the many people who will be there. you don't have to spend much time with her! 

    go with your heart though. you shouldn't have someone at your wedding if they don't support you.

    x

  • We're having a wedding weekend...abroad! My parents have a farm in Portugal that they've said we can use. I know a lot of people probably won't come but everyone we've told so far has been really excited and said they're going to make a holiday of it. So if she did accept (which will be highly likely) then she'll be there for a few days. And I see what you mean about not having to spend much time with her but I don't really want other people to have to put up with it if that makes sense? She doesn't really know any of my other friends, and when I introduced her to one of my mates (who had been dumped by her fella just days before), she spent the whole time bitching about being single and alone. So she didn't make a very good impression Haha. I think I just wanted to vent and get some perspective on whether I'm being over dramatic or not. 

  • Anna22Anna22 Posts: 157

    Hi Holly,  based on what you've just described above, it's not sounding good. In your position I'd be tempted not to invite her.  When is your wedding? Are you sending out invites soon?

    I'd suggest to sit her down, have a chat, ask how things are going, e.g. you've noticed she's still upset about the breakup, can you do anything to help etc. 

    If she repeats the stuff about "you were more fun when you were single" etc (how rude!!) then you can open the discussion up to whether attending the wedding will only make here more upset then she is at the moment - given the comments she's making she seems to be upset around couples (or at least is a bit green-eyed about you and your H2B). 

    If she says she's fine and wants to come to the wedding then you can tell her to tone down the comments (I love the "wind her neck in" phrase used by a previous poster).  She might just need a shake up to remind her that she's hurting people by her comments.

    If you've only verbally invited her, annd not sent out save the date or a physical invite yet, then you could not invite her, but it would be a little awkward.   Better to have the conversation with her (although it's easy for me to say that from my sofa!)

     

    Good luck, I hope it all works out!

  • Wedding isn't until next September,  but as it's a destination wedding we wanted to get the invites out within the next few weeks. 

    I think discussing it with her would be the best thing to do, but she lives in Scotland now whilst I live in the South West so a little bit difficult to pop over for a chat! I have tried to rise above it and not lose my cool with her. The first time she said something about my relationship, I did tell her that I didn't appreciate her comments but she keeps doing it, and she really grated my cheese when she said she preferred me when I was single. Mostly because it's just rude, and because for the majority of the time that I was single, she was with her ex!

    I'm not sure what she's like with other couples as we don't have many mutual close friends, just a few mutual acquaintances. 

    I just want to say thanks for all the advice! H2b is trying to stay out of it - even when I asked what he would do in this position, he said he can't empathise because his friends aren't a-holes Haha. 

  • It will be the happiest day of your life. I doubt anything she will say will change that. 

     

    Besides, it will probably cause more grief if you don't invite her!

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