Small wedding worries

Me & my fiance got engaged this Summer and are planning our wedding for July 2017, we are waiting a bit longer than normal so I can finish my evening college qualification and we can save a bit more as I'm on quite a low income. I am thrilled but the more I sit down and start planning the more I worry about the guest list. I suffer with social anxiety and don't have many good friends.

I have 2 sisters and my fiance's sister who are going to be bridesmaids and my best friend who will be my MoH. That's really where my close girl friends stop! I have a few girl friends who I made through my fiance and they are his friends other halves. I have always struggled to make and keep friends as I am shy and get nervous in social situations, I will go out occasionally but can't always afford to, or have college work I have to do around a full time job but sometimes people take that as I can't be bothered or I'm being rude. I have swapped jobs a few times in the last few years and moved areas and although now I work with nice people, the company is small and they are all mostly older than me so we don't socialize away from work. I have a few friends from my old job but we only really manage to get to see each other around once or twice a year, so I'm not sure even if I invited them whether they would turn up.

We have about 70 people on the guest list for the day time, and around 100ish evening, but I think a lot won't come. The majority of these are family and my fiance's friends. I'm so worried that no-one is going to want to come and the brides side will look so empty and that as most of it is family, there won't be much fun and dancing. I'm trying to find a small venue so it doesn't highlight the fact that there isn't many people and hope to provide fun things like a photobooth but I just can't stop thinking about it and it's getting me down.

I really can't wait to marry H2B and I'd happily jet off somewhere hot just us 2 to do it but we know our families wouldn't like that so we are having a traditional wedding, I have been to a few this year and I just keep thinking how many people they have and how good it looks and thinking mine won't be as good.

Has anyone else had this, any tips on how to stop worrying about it? I'm still over a year away so I'm worried I'm going to drive myself crazy... as you can probably tell I am a massive worrier!!   Thanks in advance xx

Posts

  • Hi,

    We didnt have a huge wedding. We had 82 guests and 11 of those were children, but it was a really nice size. Not once did I feel nervous, because the number of people wasn't overwhelming and it meant that we got to enjoy ourselves, rather than having to work our way around a huge room of people, making sure we spoke to everyone. When you choose a venue, just make sure that it isnt huge, that way it wont look empty

    Also with regards to a brides and grooms side, just mix it up. All our family and friends mingled together 

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  • I am in a similar situation in that my fiancé has a lot more friends than me. Probably only a third of the guest list are mine? And that's with mutal friends counting as mine!

    We are putting a sign up in church that says 'pick a seat, not a side' and want everyone to mix. Sometimes it's quality, not quantity!

  • lubeslubes Posts: 1,555

    hey!

    congratulations on your engagement! i think it is totally normal to have this worry - i'm sure many brides share your concerns for their own days, even if they're not public about it!

    i find your wording interesting about "our wedding won't look as good with less people." i understand your point, but i also find it quite irrational (i'm saying this as someone who can also get overly anxious so i can relate your thought pattern to my own!). who is saying that you won't have an equally good time if you had less people? my H2B does a bit of wedding DJ-ing on the side and so i have seen 100s of wedding receptions: i have been to some with 120 people and half left before 10:30; another where the bride and groom had about 60 guests in total - just family and a close group of friends - and had a blast! more numbers does not mean a better time i can assure you! 

    i agree with kitten - 70 day and 100 evening guests isn't small. that's roughly our numbers too! i consider it quite average :) you may also be surprised how many people will be willing to come to a wedding, especially if it's local. also, don't worry about the situation with your side having less. it is inevitable that there will be a slight imbalance! like the other girls have said, don't have a bride and groom side for your ceremony. a lot of our guests will be friends for both of us so i'm directing our ushers to balance it out as the church fills!

    if you are worrying about people not dancing and having a good time, it might be worth considering your timings. have a slightly later afternoon ceremony to limit the amount of waiting around and the opportunities for people to get tired. i think it's a nice idea to get a photobooth and some form of entertainment, but don't go crazy! maybe provide a few drinks plus some good food and people will probably be happy as larry - well that's usually when i'm happiest at a wedding 

    don't panic - i'm sure you will have a wonderful day! and actually, on the day itself, will you really notice who is or isn't there? think about it!

    x

  • Well, if we're comparing numbers, 70-100 is definitely not small. We are having 15-20 people at our wedding. I live abroad so no close friends are able to come out to attend, and my OH has decided he would only like 1 friend there on his side and no aunts/uncles/cousins. He doesn't feel close to them anymore so flat out discarded them from the list. We both decided to have just those of our families that are special to us. So he will have a grand total of 5 people and I'll have around 10-15. My family are much more close-knit, but the distance is what is stopping people attending. (This is something that will more than likely blow up in our faces when his non-invited family finds out all my family were invited, but it was our choice)

    If you're worried about a mismatch of numbers, don't assign sides during the ceremony, just mix everyone together and no one will be able to tell who is on who's side. We have booked a small chapel for the ceremony which has a max capacity of 30 people, so we'll all fit just fine. It's the cutest little chapel, so this so far is the best part for me. I have a positive feeling that the smaller party will make those invited get really involved more than they could ever be when they're in the midst of a sea of hundreds of other guests.

    And think about how much of a higher quality occasion you could put on for a smaller number of people than you could for a huge number. You can get the nicer food, nicer band etc because you are not catering for lots and lots. We'll celebrate in style just for once. 

  • Really don't worry about numbers - we had around 45 for the day and 70 at night and it was perfect as I felt I was able to spend time with everyone and as they say quality not quantity! These days there is no need to do a bride / groom 'side' - we had a church wedding and it was only the front rows where we had the close family and people sat where they liked. By the end of the night there was just our close family and bridal party left on the dance floor and it was perfect :-)

    You want people there who care about you and you love so definitely don't invite people for the sake of it or to make up numbers. If you are shy anyway a big wedding would probably be a nightmare for you! Sure it will be just fine.

  • MrsTwizbeMrsTwizbe Posts: 3,352 New bride

    I think your worries stem more from you anxiety than from the reality of what your wedding will be like. 70-100 people is not small and if you re read what you say its not really the numbers that are concerning you, it that people wont come or have a good time.

    One big tip I can give you for worrying that no one will dance would be to have a celidh (prob spelt that wrong) we had one at our wedding and it was a blast! I have been to 2 more since that have also done them and IMHO they are so much better than a disco. First everyone dances! old, young everyone, second it is a great way to get people to mix and speak to other guests, third the dance floor never looks empty as the callers space people out to fill the space and back to point one they all get involved.

    I know telling you to stop worrying is easier said than done, but do try - your wedding will be awesome and you will have a blast.

  • hi, I only have 20 people coming to my wedding in spain and 8 of them are my side and the 12 are my fiancés. I cried over the response I got, but at the end of the day its all about you and your fiancé. x

  • RubyCatRubyCat Posts: 272 New bride
    Vic2708 wrote (see post):
    I really can't wait to marry H2B and I'd happily jet off somewhere hot just us 2 to do it but we know our families wouldn't like that so we are having a traditional wedding, I have been to a few this year and I just keep thinking how many people they have and how good it looks and thinking mine won't be as good.

     xx

    You could have a destination wedding with just immediate family? At the end of the day you have to do what you feel comfortable with, you can't just sit panicking about it for a year.

  • I agree with all of the above in terms of numbers, we're at 70 in the day, and 120 at night, which feels about average, and so long as your venues are the right size that'll be the biggest factor

    In terms of feeling strange about how many of the people will be 'yours', and whether people will turn up I suppose I'm not the one to give advice on that, but I can say that I'm in sort of the same boat.  I've moved a lot, and like you I work full time, am doing a part time MSc, and keeping in touch with my family (who are all over the place) takes up any blocks of time I have, so maintaining friendships is tough.  I've also found that planning a wedding has thrown this into sharp focus.  Which sucks. 

    I've been trying to take it as a prompt to try harder, which has actually been lovely, more people understand how crazy busy and torn I am, and feel the same themselves, than I realised.  But honestly, your wedding will be lovely  and you've always got our digital ears to sound off to!

  • Sam60Sam60 Posts: 249

    I was the same - so we have booked a venue which holds up to 35 for the ceremony and then up to 55 for the reception.

    My family consists of my mum and my Aunty and Uncle (from my Dads side). My Aunty and Uncle have said they are on holiday, so my family is down to 1 - and everybody I want to be there in the whole world now totals 8. To begin with I was sad at the thought but now I just giggle to myself, at least it will be 'memorable'...even if it's just because I will look like the most unpopular bride ever he he xx

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