Not inviting my brother and his family....

My brother is now not invited to my wedding because he is refusing to apologise for being very aggressive with me when our younger sister caused a bit of drama a few weeks ago.

It was nothing to do with me, I was just there trying to fix it and he was on the other end of the phone screaming at me.

I told him he had 7 days to apologise or he wouldn't be invited and he ignored me. He seemed to think that I was messaging him to annoy him and not because I wanted my big brother at my wedding.

I can't have him there when he has no respect for me or my feelings. Its really sad but I just can't.He doesn't seem to think he has to treat me like a human being.

Has anyone not invited siblings for whatever reason? Did you regret it?

 

Posts

  • CR1689CR1689 Posts: 378

    We are getting married next year and his oldest sister isn't on the guest list. She caused a lot of drama and doesn't talk to us. His dad isn't happy about this but it's our wedding, our decision.

    would be good to hear peoples opinions on this! 

  • One of the nieces of my boyfriend has said that their family would love to attend our wedding here in The Netherlands - we never said we were getting married here.  So they've pretty much ruled themselves out then because I know they will not pay to come over to Scotland and see us get married there....... :(

  • VicNVicN Posts: 1,352

    Sorry you're going through this. I didn't invite my grandma for similar reasons. She was always fine with me but was nasty to lots of those around us. She wasn't speaking to my parents or my uncle and the best man was the grandson of someone else she'd fallen out with. She tried to start a fight with my uncle on thr day of my granddads funeral so I knew the occasion of the day wouldn't stop her from causing a scene. When she found out she wasn't invited the **** hit the fan and she didn't speak to me again after that either until she died a few weeks back. I don't regret not inviting her though it did make me sad thinking about what she was missing out on. She never even knew about our baby. 

    But I couldn't invite her to the wedding because it would almost be condoning the fact that she treated my loved ones like crap. 

    Is it going to cause any issues with your parents etc if you don't invite him? My mum left the decision completely to me and would have supported me whether I invited her or not, which helped to make it easier for us x

  • If this was a one off arguement between the two of you I would think very carefully about dis inviting him. You don't want to look back on the day and have any regrets, plus it may well have ramifications with the rest of the family. As rubbish as this sounds, if someone told me I had 7 days to apologise or I'd be uninvited to a special event I don't think I could bring myself to do it. You're forcing an apology whereas it should come from someone because theyre actually sorry for what happened. I'm too stubborn and if I'm told what to do I dig my heels in. However if it's an ongoing thing between the two of you then there's nothing wrong with not having immediate family there or invited... As long as you're not going to have any regrets.

  • JD 2JD 2 Posts: 12

    I actually been to a wedding once where the groom didn't invite his brother for some silly argument that they had. In the end, the groom didn't really care that much because he wanted to make his wedding day be the most happy day in his life. Allowing 1 person to ruin it, whether it be family or non family, is not something you should be dwelling about.

    After the wedding, the groom and his brother got along again, but it wasn't for a while. Then they realized that one of them was in the wrong and it shouldn't have turned out the way it did.

  • The key thing to remember is it's your day. I didn't have any family at my wedding and it was the most loveliest day ever, not having to worry about them causing a scene xxx

  • I have extremely limited family coming sadly, its my 2nd wedding and 1) not everyone agrees with me getting married again and 2) some live too far away. ONLY you can make the decisions, its your day. At my first wedding I invited every Tom, Dick and Harry and some of them didnt even speak to me and had an attitude. Never again. 

  • MrsK2016MrsK2016 Posts: 260

    I'm not inviting my brother for similar reasons to yourself but this has been a huge ongoing dysfunctional relationship for many many years.

    When I have spoken to people about it - I've been surprised by the amount of people who haven't invited family members but the one big thing people say to me is "do you think you'll regret it in the future?" 

    My honest answer is definitely not and so I know I'm making the right decision.

    It's been hard to tell family members that and it has caused a massive rift in the family as many don't know just how awful he has been - so just a warning that there may well be consequences to your actions.

    At the end of the day - do what makes you and your partner happy!

    Good luck x

  • B23B23 Posts: 169
    MrsK2016 wrote (see post):

    I'm not inviting my brother for similar reasons to yourself but this has been a huge ongoing dysfunctional relationship for many many years.

    When I have spoken to people about it - I've been surprised by the amount of people who haven't invited family members but the one big thing people say to me is "do you think you'll regret it in the future?" 

    My honest answer is definitely not and so I know I'm making the right decision.

    It's been hard to tell family members that and it has caused a massive rift in the family as many don't know just how awful he has been - so just a warning that there may well be consequences to your actions.

    At the end of the day - do what makes you and your partner happy!

    Good luck x

    Thank you! So reassuring to hear others going through similar things. I have to do what makes us happy. I hope your day works out perfectly and thanks for the advice :)

  • MrsK2016MrsK2016 Posts: 260
    B23 wrote (see post):
    MrsK2016 wrote (see post):

    I'm not inviting my brother for similar reasons to yourself but this has been a huge ongoing dysfunctional relationship for many many years.

    When I have spoken to people about it - I've been surprised by the amount of people who haven't invited family members but the one big thing people say to me is "do you think you'll regret it in the future?" 

    My honest answer is definitely not and so I know I'm making the right decision.

    It's been hard to tell family members that and it has caused a massive rift in the family as many don't know just how awful he has been - so just a warning that there may well be consequences to your actions.

    At the end of the day - do what makes you and your partner happy!

    Good luck x

    Thank you! So reassuring to hear others going through similar things. I have to do what makes us happy. I hope your day works out perfectly and thanks for the advice :)

     

    No problem hun :) Good luck and I hope it's all perfect for you! xx

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