Bridesmaid Drama.. Help please..

Hi Ladies,

I am looking for some advice on what you would do in my situation.

So I am officially getting married in two weeks time (legally in Scotland) but our blessing is in spain spring next year. I asked my 3 best friends back in January (9 months ago) to be my bridesmaids, they all said yes. unfortunately all live 100 miles away from me as I moved away. I found in may one of my bridesmaids fell pregnant, so she pulled out. my second bridesmaid also fell pregnant and pulled out in july, so I was left with my childhood best friend.

my issue was my childhood bestfriend wasn't taking any interest in the wedding ie - couldn't be bothered meeting me to try on bridesmaid dresses in shops in her area or online, so I asked one of my friends from university to also be a bridesmaid as I was panicking that my childhood friend bridesmaid wasn't helping at all. they both met once and got on really well so I thought I was on to a winner. I then found out that I wasn't going to be getting a hennie (even a lunch) as my childhood friend couldn't afford it. so I then leant her the money so she could travel the 100 miles, I paid for her hotel etc just so I could have a hennie. at the hennie my two bridesmaids didn't communicate, they fell out over little things and are now not speaking. on top of that my childhood friends partner is now refusing to come to spain after rsvp'ing and she doesn't want to travel alone. (my dad was paying her dress, shoes, drinks and meal on the day and flights)

I am in such a dilemma.. do I ask her to step down as bridesmaid to avoid any more drama and possibly lose my childhood bestfriend or do I keep her as my bridesmaid and hope that she and my other uni friend get on and make the most of it on my special day (but as its in spain will she be on her own for the few days before? and be sad?) I don't want an unhappy bridesmaid as I want it to be a great time for us all. PS my wedding is only 20 people.  she says she doesn't have the money for spain anymore but by the time the wedding comes she has known for well over a year to save. (but yet I know she wants to go to America with her partner next year but my wedding was organised first) am I being selfish?

Help.. I am at my wits end.. Thanks x


  • lubeslubes Posts: 1,555


    i didn't want to read and run. what a tricky situation 

    my initial thought is that your bridesmaids don't have to actually like each other. if they truly care about you, they should be able to put their differences aside for the sake of your actual wedding day.

    i must admit that your childhood friend sounds like a difficult customer and whilst you've clearly tried to be a good friend by helping her financially, she doesn't seem appreciative (although there could be underlying issues here). is it really worth spending another penny on her? will you dad lose any money if she doesn't come?

    however, i would put the ball in her court. arrange a chat and ask her honestly if she wants to be a bridesmaid. that way, she will be making the decision and not you i.e. she can't grumble about travelling alone/she will be choosing to spend time with your uni friend. i think you need to be prepared for her to say 'no' and how you will react to it though: will you be upset or relieved? this girl is not being a good friend to you (from an outsider looking in), but if she chooses not to be a bridesmaid, that doesn't necessarily mean the end of your friendship. i think whatever she decides will offer a good perspective on how you want her in your life moving forward. 

    hope this helps and that you have a lovely day! x

  • RubyCatRubyCat Posts: 272 New bride

    So is she definitely not coming to Spain? It's a bit mean to let your Dad pay for the flight then drop out

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