Oh no - I've really put my foot in it! Yes, it's another guest list dilemma...
So, I think I need to let out something that's causing me a right headache! I have ended up treading a very awkward path that I'm sure many brides and grooms have walked before me - I have said someone could come to our wedding who H2B is now adamant isn't invited! It's a little complicated though so you may need a cup of tea before reading further...
Who is this problem guest you ask? Well, I need to start from the very beginning (about 15 years ago):
My parents are divorced, not because they fell out of love, but to do with money. Without divulging too much of my family's dirty laundry on the internet, my mum ended up in some serious financial trouble; my dad had to divorce her to protect himself. However, that issue stemmed from the early 90s when I was in primary school: my mum made two friends - let's called them X and Y - whose daughters were in my class. She has been best friends with them ever since, although I have no contact with the daughters. X and Y were significantly richer than my parents and to cut a very long story short, my dad blames them for my mum's money troubles and their divorce etc etc.
Fast forward to the present, and my mum still sees X and Y regularly. I have seen them occasionally in the last few years and have no issue with them - I have mastered the art of not being biased! So, I shouldn't have been surprised when my mum asked me if they could come to the wedding. She is not in a good place right now, both professionally and personally (I am deeply concerned for her mental wellbeing), and she basically pleaded with me that she needed some friends there on the day for emotional support - H2B and I both think this is because she still loves my dad, but things have since happened that will mean they will never rekindle their romance.
Whilst I have no concerns that my parents won't be perfectly civil with each other during the day, I must admit that I'm not sure what will happen once my mum has put a few wines down her neck. H2B and I agree that she needs some friends there: there are only three relatives coming from my mum and dad's side so both don't have many 'allies'.
However, and THIS is the problem:
- H2B and I initially agreed that X and Y shouldn't come to the wedding due to the history. However, my mum and dad separately said that I should invite my godmother. She is going on 80 and wouldn't be able to travel to our wedding alone, so my mum suggested (sneakily now I think about it) that X and Y should bring her as they live close by and essentially be her carers for the day. I put it to H2B and my dad ("Would you mind if X and Y are there?"), but my dad wasn't bothered - he said we could invite who we liked. He is a very amenable person. So, we told my mum that X and Y were coming.
- A few weeks later, my mum suggested that we actually invited my godmother's daughters as a family gesture. I agreed, but I said due to numbers that X and Y would need to be bumped down to the evening list (which I think is better anyway). Upon hearing this, H2B completely changed his tune and said that he no longer wanted X and Y there full stop - "Why should we invite people your dad hates?" I see his point, but he is fortunate not to be piggy in the middle in this entire situation. Oh, how easy life is when your parents are happily married!
- Another side issue is that my dad will have no-one but me, my brother and his sister to talk to on the day. He doesn't want to invite anyone as he isn't that kind of person. He is an introvert whilst my mum is the biggest social butterfly going. I don't want him to feel intimidated by a group of women my mum has turned against him (although they are respectable adults - I have no worries about anything kicking off)! I should also mention he is paying for half of the day.