The bridesmaid who didn't want to be there
Hello Brides xx
Some post wedding support here please for anyone who has time. I don't have anyone else to speak to about it.
1 week before the wedding one of my bridesmaids phoned me to tell me she had mixed up her dates and she couldn't make the wedding because she was going to a work thing instead. I asked her why she was choosing a work thing over our wedding and she just said she was sorry. I said I would find out if I could try & cancel everything id arranged for her. (flowers, personalised clutch, food, hair...!)
She hadnt come to anything wedding related - not even the hen do - excuse after excuse but she said she was ill so I didn't want to be unkind. My fiancé & I decided to write to her and ask her to sleep on it before she officially dropped out & we had to tell the others.
We'd been friends for around 8 years, often long distance but we spoke on the phone a lot & would meet up when I went back. She'd always been really supportive & we'd had a laugh together. I thought I could rely on her & she seemed so excited to be asked to be a bridesmaid but a few months after that I heard very little and because I was so busy I don't think I realised she was distancing herself from me. I just accepted her excuses and stayed positive and excited about getting married.
when she phoned me to drop out and then later told me her friends & family had advised her to go to work over the wedding I felt really upset & almost stupid for asking her to be such an important part of our wedding. I told her I didn't want someone there who didn't want to be there and suggested she just come as a guest if at all. She came back and said she was going to be there and she was sorry - she would be there. I asked her to phone me which she didn't then the next time I saw her was the morning of our wedding much to the other bridesmaids bemusement and my surprise.
She did everything that she had to do which was great but in all she kept her distance from me that day. I felt her being there devalued the other bridesmaids place next to me who had all gone out of their way to be involved & truly deserved to be getting spoilt.
I don't have any sisters or cousins but I'm lucky to have lots of lovely supportive friends, I thought she was one of them and I wish I'd given her place to someone else.
5 months have passed & I haven't seen her or spoken to her since the wedding but have tried to. I wondered if she was unwell or something or just too busy so I discreetly asked her boyfriend if she was ok but he said she just didn't have time and maybe I should just give her space. He said the bridesmaid role had been more than she'd had time for and id asked for too much of her time - I'd asked for three days over 6 months.
1. The dress fitting
2. The hen do (which was shortened to one day because she wouldn't attend a weekend - then she didn't turn up!)
3. The wedding day itself
under any other circumstances I would allow this friendship to just fizzle out but she lives on in my wedding album forever now and I hate to say she just doesn't deserve to be there. I was so kind to her and I now realise she didnt deserve it.
another close friend of mine said that she thinks she is jealous & just cant be happy for me - it just seems too much of a coincidence that she began distancing herself after being asked to be involved in the wedding.
she was there & she kept up appearances and was a bridesmaid and looked like she was having a great time but I bet any money I never see her again it's like dealing with a completely different person To the one I originally asked.
what would you do?