Nasty FMIL (long! Advice needed)
Hi all, just need a bit of a rant and also some advice if anyone has any?!
My fiance and I have recently moved out from living with my FMIL and FSIL (FMIL is divorced, never had another partner, FFIL remarried a few years after divorce. Now been with wife for 17years, they ar lovely) whilst we were saving for a house. (House purchase still ongoing bu we are renting short term) The two of them are peas in a pod; daughter runs round after her mum and is the golden child (she waits up just to open the door and make her mother a coffee before she goes to bed etc.) my fiance is the scapegoat and never seems to do anything right...offensive behaviour by the sister is pooh-poohed however.
FMIL and FSIL are both very unsociable, negative people who I struggle to be around and feel myself feeling down around them but always make the effort to be cheerful and chatty for my fiances sake. FMIL has a bad temper and goes from 0-60 in 2seconds flat. My fiance does not rise to her anger and stays calm (bless him). She periodically has screaming fits at him (calling him a selfish f*cking c*nting b*stard, you're just like your dad etc. absolutely AWFUL things which are totally unjustified) over ridiculous trivial things such as not putting something in the right recycling bin?! And forgetting mothers day (hence us moving) but we gve the reason as needing our own space and did not mention her as a reason whatoever. In fact she brought it up herself which made me think she realised she is unhinged saying "I know I get annoyed sometimes but moving out is a complete waste of money!" before storming off when my fiance was saying mum that isnt the reason...anyway we tried to leave on a good note - I bought them flowers and they hugged us bye.
That was 4 weeks ago. Since then I know my fiance has spoken to his mother on the phone once and text a couple of times. We have seen his dad and wife twice as it was her 50th birthday so we went for a meal and to her party.
Yesterday we were filling in paerwork for the wedding and found out we get two free room upgrades for guests of our choice. I gave one to my parents and partner wasnt sure what to do, he knew his dad is easy going but predicted there "would be trouble" with his mum so text her saying he will flip a coin as fairest way.
FMIL the proceeded to send spiteful texts telling him to "give it to the person you see the most now" meaning his dad, she also raked up her 50th birthday back in April and how we didn't go to her meal when it was only her and FSIL that went. We were actually visiting my family (160 miles away) and had made sure we delayed leaving until the day after her birthday which is when they had decided to go for a meal. She went on a big rant about how he hasnt bothered to go and see her in four weeks and she isn't happy that he hadn't told her about his car (he bumped into someone, very minor, nobody hurt) and lots more insignificant things etc. etc.
fiance ended up crying and I am just livid with her for making him feel this way When I do not see what he has done "wrong". This is not the first time something like this has happened, when we got engaged all she cared about was that he had told his nana before her?! Literally the first question she askd as who did u tell? He and is mum have never been close so he would not tell her anyway.
Anyway he text her back and told her to calm down and contact him when she was beng rational so thebal is in hercour...although he spoke ofgoing up to see her this week? I just see that as rewarding her behaviour? I can't TELL him what to do but I can't see him miserable!
I am just so worried that he seems to be trying to pre-emt her reaction to things and adjust his behaviour accordingly to appease her...but I said to him you can't live your life trying to please your mother...I f