My mum!

So I got engaged a few weeks ago and getting married next year.

First thing I wanted to sort was my dress - so I took my mum and sister shopping and I was just intending to look but fell in love with the most perfect dress and bought it.

Now I've been a bit obsessed with Don't Tell the Bride lately, and all the mums cry and make such a fuss over the dress.  My mum didn't say much at all - she certainly didn't cry. She said something about me looking happy in it and that the dress was lovely but no compliments of me.  When we came out she said to my sister "this reminded me of when we went to buy your prom dress". I wonder if my sister said something to her later, because on the phone later she said how stunning it looked on me.

I knew she was going to be like this because she always has been - but I just feel so robbed of feeling special and like a princess.  I'm quite shy and not very confident about the way I look and it would just have made me feel so wonderful if she'd actually complimented me.

The other problem is she's so different with my sister - and I just know when it comes to bridesmaid dresses she will make a much bigger fuss over my sister and how she looks than me and my wedding dress!!! 

It's not worth saying anything to her as I've tried in the past and I don't want to sound petty, plus if I say something I'll feel she's just saying it because I asked.  I am lucky because my dad is lovely and my soon-to-be sisters-in-law are lovely and will make a fuss.

I don't know what the point of this is really as there's nothing I can do -just feeling a bit blue!

Posts

  • Sorry to hear your mum fell a bit flat at the dress shopping - perhaps she was just trying to take a step back and analyse each one.

    The positive is that perhaps after your sister had a word, she responded well and made the effort to be enthusiastic. I would say try not to take it to heart and see how things flow with the next few weddingy things - she may surprise you and be a bit more enthused

  • Ps my mum got a bit teary at various points when we went dress shopping but not really when I tried on the one I chose so everyone is different...and it's not highly edited like DTTB

  • Thank you - like I say I was expecting it really!  In a way I don't want to get my hopes up in case she isn't any better.  I would just find it really hurtful if she makes a fuss over my sister which is silly.

     

    That's true enough - DTTB is a TV show and everything is edited and emphasised and probably a bit crazy trying to plan a wedding in 3 weeks emotions will be running high for everyone!  

  • Well, it sounds as though your sister is aware of it so hopefully she will play it down and won't revel in it - she sounds like she would be sensitive to it.

    Fingers crossed! So do we get a piccy of your dress? There is so much to come try not to let one thing dictate how you approach the whole of the rest of the planning as this may cause more problems down the road xxx

  • You're right and I'm just going to end up spoiling it for myself!! Thank you :) and like you say my sister is aware of it so will play it down.  This is my dress, I love it so much. It's more of a champagne colour than it looks in the picture and it's so gorgeous, going to get a belt for it as well.

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  • WOW your dress is absolutely gorgeous! I have also gone for a slightly dropped waist to show my figure off and am on the hunt for a belt to go with!

    It is really really beautiful congratulations on finding such a beauty!

  • Thanks I love it and I got it at a fraction of the £2000 RRP from a lovely shop that sells sample dresses.  Yes I'm a pear shape and wanting to emphasise my waist - I have a lot of weight to lose but feel like even if I don't manage to lose much before the day I'd feel confident in that dress.

     

    Share a pic of yours then ;) are you in Northumberland did I read on another thread or am I thinking of someone else?? If you are I can definitely recommend the place I got my dress from she has belts, veils etc as well - the belt I want is £45 from her, the ones I saw in other places I looked at were £200+!

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  • Nicola186 yes I am a northern bride (although live in midlands currently), would love the details of that shop if you don't mind sharing?!

    Fantastic news on the bargain dress! As kitten2014 pointed out - there are a lot of positives here (sorry I did not think of all thosemyself ha ha!) so lots to smile about yay!!

    I am at work (naughty) but I posted another thread with pics of me in my dress (called "got my dress"). Mine is really quite plain (I am now worrying about this ha ha) but is lovely tulle which I wanted and figure hugging which I know partner will like. I always imagined something layered and dramatic but did not find anything when I went...now wondering if I made the right decision or should have held out and looked more!!

    Anyway enough about me, hope you are feeling more cheery about your dress x

  • Aww thank you for pointing out the positives I hadn't thought of them either! And like you say I am confident that my partner will love it and that's what counts!  

     

    I'll have a look for your dress picture (and I'm at work too haha!)!!  My partner likes figure hugging but it wouldn't suit me to have a figure hugging one completely.

     

    This is the link for the shop, it's in Guide Post and the lady who owns it is so so lovely https://www.facebook.com/cherished.dresses/?fref=ts she didn't put any pressure on at all for me to buy even though I tried on every dress in the shop near enough!

  • Thank you kitten it means a lot and like you say I have to remember not everyone makes these big emotional displays!  I know I love the fabric so much, it's so incredible and I'm getting mega excited again now!!

  • Thanks I will check it out tonight! I will be trundling back up north many a time in the coming months so will be good to pop in. Yes I would feel a bit odd in something like a mermaid so for me, dropped waist ballgown was the one! MY dress looks quite different in person than on the Mori Lee site mind you!

  • SquirrelSquirrel Posts: 102

    Congratulations on finding your dress! I can definitely empathise with you about your mums reaction though. My mum and dad were both at my first dress appointment and barely said anything positive at all. I actually just wanted the whole experience over with. I'm still looking for a dress and I'm now going to go by myself, I'd rather that way. I don't live near any friends or family at the minute so I have no choice anyway. I'd been really excited that my parents were coming down for dress shopping but they didn't like anything, were negative and just didn't seem to want to help. But again, that's their personalities and it can't be changed. I'd have regretted not going at least once with my mum, particularly the first time as I'm the only girl my parents have. So I can't win either way :p

    Im glad you found your dress so easily though, you will look amazing even if your mum doesn't say so x

  • Aww good luck squirrel I'm sorry you've had that experience too. It's disheartening isn't it but like you say that's just their personalities xx

  • Just told my mum we've set the date and she was barely even excited, I could just cry 

  • Sam60Sam60 Posts: 249

    Well, we are excited for you! I know it's not the same, but we'll be able to go through the whole run up to your wedding with you.

    I know it's easier said than done but try not to take it personally or dwell on it, you don't know what goes through other people's minds. Xx

  • Thank you my lovely xx

  • Nicola186 wrote (see post):

    Just told my mum we've set the date and she was barely even excited, I could just cry 

    I'm really sorry to hear that - people are right though, we're excited for you, and most importantly I'm sure you and your husband to be are giddy!

    I know it's hard to do but try not to let your mum (or any family) affect you on this. My lot were pretty low key and uninterested (at least once my dad realised he didn't have to pay for anything which cheered him up a lot). Partly it was because they're all busy with stuff and not the stereotypical Don't Tell the Bride type family (I love that show but I can't imagine my mum screaming at my husband to be about making sure he makes my day, or crying at my dress or my dad getting tearful about walking up the aisle). But also, my family aren't the sort of people who get excited about stuff ages in advance because it just feels unreal to them. By the time the weekend we were getting married happened they were a bit warmer and more interested but all in all they were just a bit oblivious. In the end it didn't matter a bit - we had such a fab day and they were there, my dad gave a speech (which he didn't write in advance, see above about planning ahead ;)) and there were a few nice moments but it wasn't a big deal to them.

    It was lovely for us though and that's all that matters really, and it didn't take the shine off the day in the end.

    Hopefully if your mum doesn't perk up a bit as things get closer you'll have an amazing day anyway, but in the meantime come tell us all your news here. We'll be excited for you.

    Oh and as a PS, I think your dress is STUNNING. I wish I had the figure to have worn something like that! 

     

  • SquirrelSquirrel Posts: 102

    I agree with the above posts, we can be excited with you on here! Sounds like we have similar family issues so you have support here. As long as you are excited, that's all that matters x

  • Sam60Sam60 Posts: 249

    Right, we aren't dwelling on the negatives - so what date did you go for, and what are you sorting out next? xx

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  • Sam60Sam60 Posts: 249

    Good advice Kitten :-) xx

  • Kitten they are some lovely words x

  • aww thank you so much everyone you are lovely. Kitten what a lovely way of putting it and what amazing advice.  You're so right - we're making our own family and I know that when we have our own children we will learn from these mistakes and raise them differently!

  • B23B23 Posts: 169

    The first thing my mum said when I came out in my dress was 'oh you better give that diet a kick start!' I am a size 12 and perfectly happy with my body.

    The tears and fuss are not realistic for everyone, they are the exception. She may not be exactly what you want, but she is your mum so take the nicer little things she does and hold onto those.

    You are starting your own family with your new husband and that will make you happy enough that hopefully you won't feel you need what you arent getting from your mother.

     

    Best of luck with all the plans and enjoy it!

     

    xxx

  • There are some girls at work who say things like that to me and my mum keeps going on about losing weight as well.  I'm a size 16 and would really like to lose weight but after everything I've been through in the past I feel like I'm entitled to give myself a bit of a break.

     

    And yes why should you have to diet at size 12!!! What a mean thing to say! xxx

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