How do I get my groom interested?!

Hi,

It's nearly 6 months to go before our wedding, and I should mainly be excited (if a little frazzled by all the planning!). The problem is, I've literally done the entire lot by myself so far. When we first got engaged I spent hours and hours researching wedding venues and arranging viewing appointments, and trawling through photographer's portfolios and enquiring about prices, etc. We've now booked our venue, photographer, DJ and a few other things, all because I've done all the legwork and found it all. I've done literally everything. This isn't because I'm a control freak at all - I would love it if he could show an interest in at least a tiny bit of it! But he hasn't, so I've done it all otherwise it won't get done.

He also doesn't seem to understand what a wedding involves (though most men usually don't, I think...). He thinks that all we need is food, alcohol and music. Granted, I agree that these are the most important things - at the end of the day we want a relaxed wedding where our guests can enjoy themselves. But I mentioned 'table decorations' to him the other day and he looked at me blankly, then said 'Why do you need table decorations?' The same with venue decorations.

We're on a bit of a budget for our wedding so I'm planning on doing a lot of DIY myself, which is fine as I'd rather do this anyway as I enjoy art and craft (not that I'm particularly good at it!) and I think it makes it more personal. I'm not going crazy and dreaming up a huge amount of decorations that will take months to arrange - I'm literally just talking about jam jars and ribbon and stuff like that. But I also want to include personal touches that incoporates things we like to reflect us as a couple, e.g. music, travel, etc. So it would be great if he could contribute to that rather than me just getting all my ideas from Pinterest.

I've already spent hours (days/months!) looking up ideas and searching for bargains online, and scouting around charity shops for things, in order to save us money. His initial response to wedding planning has been 'it's too early', but I've been doing my planning early in order to save us a bit of money. And besides, I don't want to do this all at the last minute - it'll be easier if we do things a bit at a time. I've said all this but he still doesn't get it.

He also doesn't really understand the importance of wearing a nice suit. He's not against wearing a suit at all, and he even mentioned that he'd like to wear a waistcoat, but he was originally thinking he'd just wear the one suit he's already got which he's had for 10 years, is too big, and he wears to every wedding/funeral/job interview. He sees nothing wrong with this, and I sound almost stupid suggesting he spend money on a brand new suit. I'm not saying he get a really expensive one - he could just get one from Topman or Debenhams or something. Or hire one. The same with his shoes - he has a black pair of shoes that he wears to work, so he thinks that's fine, though they're a bit scuffed. How can I get him to put a bit more effort into our wedding?!

He also doesn't understand why his best man should wear something similar to him. I think traditionally the groom and his merry men get their suits from the same place, don't they? Or at least in the same style/colour palette? Obviously they don't have to have the exact same suit, but he doesn't understand why I'm asking if his best man has a grey suit, and why on earth it would matter?!

I will reiterate that we want our wedding to be relaxed, fairly informal, and the most important thing to both of us is that everyone has fun. I really don't think that I'm asking too much to inject a bit of 'us' into our wedding, but he doesn't understand the point of it all! There is so much to organise and I just don't want to have to do it all myself, because th

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  • I'm sorry of hear you are stressed out. As I read your thread, it seemed to be more about a lack of support and communication rather than him not being involved. My fiancé has done a little for our wedding but very much leaves the fine details to me. I am busy with work at the moment so have stopped planning as I was starting to feel like there's nothing that makes me feel less like getting married than planning a wedding!

    I think you need to have some time off from planning. Yes you want all the DIY bits and are on a budget but why not just buy them off here? Lost of brides sell on after their day and jam jars etc are very popular. I'd hold back from planning and start investing in your relationship more and communicating better.

    Hope you are OK xx

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  • You're not on your own here. My OH is the same. He just goes with the flow. I think most men are like that. But to be honest il just be grateful if he turns up on the day (joke) ha x

  • DactylDactyl Posts: 66

    My oh is similar. It's not that he's not interested, it's just that he thin it's too far away to worry about. We're down to four months and he still hasn't picked a best man and has only just looked into suit hire...he also wants to arrive in a particular can which is special to him, but its currently in bits and he has no back up plan. He's still adamant that theres plenty of time and he will get something sorted...and Im having to trust him and go with it!

     

    Youve still got time yet so don't stress too much - I know that's easier said than done. It may be that he's just strugling to think so far ahead. you mention a limited budget so perhaps he's worried about costs adding up and is trying to make sure  can do other things you want. take a bit of time out, relax and when you're both calm and relaxed talk to him and encourage him to explain his thinking - he may have concerns he's trying to protect you from. 

     

    at the end of he day, there are no fixed rules. Do what feels right for you, enjoy the process as much as you can and try not to get too stressed - although we're all guilty of that from time to time. It'll all come together when the time comes...hopefully, or I'm in a lot of trouble

  • I had to sit my OH down and explain that I wasn't doing it all myself....he thought he could just turn up and the magical wedding fairies would have sorted it all. 

    I I just explained he needed to be involved in some things like his guest lists and the venue and I would happily do the decorations as long as he agreed it was the right theme for us. 

    like you we are on a budget and I'll be making the decorations and invites.

    try sitting down and explaining to him how you're feeling,  he may not realise how you're feeling as men sometimes need a good kick in the right direction. 

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