OH's Sis is my hairdresser, but OH has uninvited her from wedding

Hi there,

Right so this is a complicated issue that I’m feeling a little helpless about because honestly I just feel like the outcome is pretty much outwith my control.

When my OH proposed his sister offered to do mine and the bride’s maid’s hair for the wedding. I was thrilled, she’s the best up do stylist in town and I’d be really lucky to have her – initially I was cautious about saying yes as obviously it’s her brother’s wedding and the idea of her working instead of concentrating on getting herself ready for the day seemed unfair, but she insisted she would love to do it and secretly would be insulted if I allowed anyone else to do it. So that was that and everything was great.

At this point I should mention that I don’t know my OH’s family very well, we’re still very much on the polite good impression stage – so I don’t like to have too much of an opinion when it comes to the OH and his family arguments . My OH and his sister don’t see eye to eye all that often, they love each other but rub each other up the wrong way sometimes.

Which brings me to my problem. My OH and his sister have just had a massive argument, she says that they are finished, called him some horrible names and he said ‘Fine, you’re uninvited to the wedding,’

Her daughter is a bridesmaid and her son is the grooms party – obviously the kids are still invited he’s made that clear, but my OH is adamant unless he gets a full honest apology before next week then she is out of the wedding. I understand their fight is none of my business but I feel pretty stuck. The wedding is in April, I need a hair dresser and I need to know it’s sorted. Also I’m afraid by booking someone else and then the OH and his sister make up that she will take offence and I will have burned any bridges before I’ve even built them.

I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do here without interfering or looking like a cow.

Help? 

Posts

  • Sounds like an awful situation have you asked you oh if he minds you being in contact with her if he doesn't I would ask her if she still is willing to do it?

    good luck 

  • He doesn't mind me speaking to her, just if she doesn't apologies he doesn't want her near the wedding. We're all staying over at the venue the night before :-\

  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    I would just speak to her and ask if she's still willing to do your hair, regardless of what has happened, and take things from there.

    However, I would say that you've got enough time before the wedding for things to be sorted out...things might just blowover and be forgotten about.

  • lubeslubes Posts: 1,555

    Hey,

    What a rubbish situation - families eh?!

    I'm sorry to sound harsh, but it makes me a little uncomfortable to hear that you are still in the 'good impressions' stage with his family. Why haven't you had the chance to get to know them better? You are soon going to be related! With that in mind, I think you need to relax and just be yourself around the family. Your H2B obviously wants you in his life, for life - they will have to accept you regardless of your decision over who does your hair!

    I understand why you feel you need to tread carefully given that you aren't really close to H2B's side of the family, but what springs to mind here is the notion of 'blood and business don't mix'. I would like to think that this whole 'you can't come to the wedding' was spur of the moment - it doesn't seem rational to not allow H2B's sister to come, but for her kids to. 

    See if the argument blows over - I hope it does! Leave it until after Christmas. However, I think you need to accept that you will be getting involved in this argument regardless of whether she does your hair or not, but that will be your H2B's fault for putting you between a rock and a hard place. She is offering you a service (which you have agreed to) and you need to treat this as a business transaction. If you want her to do your hair (because of her skill) and she is happy to do that if she isn't invited, then your H2B needs to get over it. Decide between yourselves on a hairdresser > client level.

    Good luck! :) x

  • Jenni8Jenni8 Posts: 3,201

    I would speak to your fiance about this. You have mentioned he doesn't mind that you speak to her, but maybe explain to him that this close to the wedding (next week?) there is no alternative but to continue to hire her for the hair styling. Then call her and be super nice and explain that you don't want to interfere but is she still happy to do the hair as planned. Chances are she will be more then happy to, judging by her initial reaction to wanting to do it....

  • RubyCatRubyCat Posts: 271 New bride

    Has she said she won't do your hair if she's not invited?

     

    Surely if she's a professional stylist she wouldn't let a bride down

  • Thanks for all your comments and advice :-) -- I'm planning to let this settle until after Christmas, hoping that the whole holiday season somehow brings them both together. Our wedding venue isn't particularly local, and we are staying there the night before so I imagine if she isn't invited to the wedding I doubt she'd get a taxi to nip up and do hair then go home again. Bah. We should have eloped lol.

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