Mum is spoiling my wedding.

I'm getting married in August and we are paying for it ourselves. I've had to borrow £3500 from my parents as my money is tied up for the next 4 weeks. They haven't offered any money and I need to pay it back. 

My mum wants me to invite cousins children. This is going to cost me £1000 extra. She also wants my sisters partners to wear wedding suits which is another  £800. We simply can't afford it and she keeps ringing me and screaming at me about it or won't speak to me at all. She's spoiling my wedding, what do I do? 

Posts

  • Sophie177Sophie177 Posts: 190

    Hi Sarah

    I dont want to read and run, im sorry to see you're encountering what sounds a really difficult situation.  I guess I'd just say to my mum if she's insistent on having cousins children and sisters partner to wear wedding suits, then mum would have to pay for it.  I think in these situations the only way is to be honest and direct about it.  Just tell her you cant afford to pay for the extras.  

    i had to do something similar with my mum when she was trying to get me to have my neices as BMs/FGs, i just told her that my BFF was my BM and that was it.  She tried the softly softly approach a few days later when she asked if the little ones could all wear the same dress.  I knew what she was getting at, so told her "yes of course they can all wear the same dress, so long as they know they arent BMs"!!

    Hope you manage to resolve it

    x

  • I agree with Sophie177, if your mum wants these extras, then she will have to pay for them.

    Be straightforward but polite - you simply cannot afford it yourself but if she feels they are vital for the day, then you would be happy for her to pay for them.

  • MrsM3MrsM3 Posts: 138

    Hi, sorry you're having these difficulties, she sounds SO unreasonable. Try and stay calm and tell her you simply cannot afford it, and if she would like to cover those costs, then it's fine.  Regarding your sisters partner (I don't understand why he needs a wedding suit!) tell her/him they'll have to pay for it.


    Why is she being so unreasonable?

     

    Try not to let it ruin your wedding - be firm! X

  • Sarah704Sarah704 Posts: 4

    She's now told me she isn't going. I've got 4 men in suits, 3 nephews and my son. If I add the boyfriends then it's another 4 suits. Aside from the money I feel it is overkill to have 12 people in matching suits. That's nearly 20% of the wedding party. She's told my auntie that her grandchildren can't come because I'd rather have my friends there. I'm close to just cancelling it and going abroad to get married with the children.  

     

  • Mrs B2b3Mrs B2b3 Posts: 255

    Tell her you're sorry she can't be there but you accept her decision. Then forget her and enjoy your day. 

  • Mrs..C..2beMrs..C..2be Posts: 318 New bride

    I agree your mother is being totally unreasonable and putting this pressure on you is unfair. Without giving into her demands I wonder if there's a middle ground- could she pay to cover for the children to come to the evening reception? That way her clearly precious grandchildren could be there for the evening reception- which to be fair is probably more interesting to children than sitting through a wedding ceremony and speeches etc. And could the sisters partners just have a button hole? Maybe even asking if parents would like to contribute. I bet the men concerned couldn't give 2 hoots about what the wear! I would feel bit awkward if u was in a wedding suit and not part of the wedding party. It's also bit unfair on your actual wedding party but clearly your mum hasn't considered this x

  • Sarah704Sarah704 Posts: 4

    My aunties grandchildren won't go to the evening as the wedding is a distance and they won't be able to get there. My aunty has told my mum that she can't stay all day as she has to get home for the dog. To me that feels like a wasted place x

  • Jenni8Jenni8 Posts: 3,201

    What a misery! I can't believe how she can think it is OK to treat you like that  I am so sorry! 

    I agree with the above. Tell her no problem and try to move on. Don't let her ruin it because she can't get her way. Be the bigger person. I would completely understand if you wanted to pack it in and go abroad!

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    she sounds awful and childish!

    Tell her that its ok if she feels she doesnt want to come, youll cross her off the guest list, then move forward.

    If she decides to grow up tell her that if she wants to pay for extra people then thats upto her, but as it is youre budget just doesnt cover it.

  • Mrs..C..2beMrs..C..2be Posts: 318 New bride

    Get home for the dog? Gosh you would think she could get a sitter for the evening or something. I'm not surprised you feel it's a wasted space. I'd call her bluff and let your mum sulk. I'm sure she will come round eventually. The more I've thought about it her actions are tantamount to blackmail either play my way or I'm not coming. If she phones again I'd warn her that you are not being rude but you won't tolerate being bullied into something you can't afford and don't want. I'd also warn her that if she does shout or keep upsetting you, then you will just end the call. Hope she sees sense soon x

  • HereitgoesHereitgoes Posts: 206 New bride

    Dejavu, I could've written this myself. The same thing happened to me but it was my dad who chose not to come because he couldn't get his own way with the guest list. It was very embarrassing and the last thing I needed 3 weeks before the wedding but just like the ladies have said above you tell your mum that your sorry she has chosen not to come and you then get on with the rest of your planning. The strops will continue if you give in to this emotional manipulative behaviour, it'll be something else if not this next time.

    However, I also think its important to consider the effects of her 'no show' on your relationship after the wedding and whether you would you be able to move past her not being there when looking back at photos in 10 years time and she's not in any of them. If your relationship means too much to lose then tell her that she's more then welcome to have her numbers as long as she pays for it but that that is the only option you are willing to give. 

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