Do i bother with a Hen Do?

Hi

I'm a newbie on the site, but wanted to get some feedback.

My wedding is in October and I have recently found out that my bridesmaid who I tasked to sort the hen do out haven't planned anything yet.  I know that sounds a little whingey but I've been sorting everything else out so one less thing to have to think about was a weight off my mind.

However, now I'm wondering whether to bother at all with having one.  I'm not a big hen do person, I don't particularly like being the centre of attention (even having slight anxieties about my actual wedding day), and my past experiences of hen do's haven't been very positive.  I'm not a fussy person, my suggestions were simple - a nice relaxing weekend with a bit of pampering, a fun, crafty activity, and a fun evening with a meal and drinks. Nothing too hard to organise, you'd think.  Apparently my BMs are struggling with where to go and what to do, even though they know me well.  Until recently they hadn't even asked me who I wanted to invite.     

In the past, the hen do's I attended filled me with dread.  I actually arranged one of them, and made sure it ticked all the brides hen do boxes, but I felt really out of place.  Every do I've been on felt as though it was 'enforced fun' - you will get drunk and have a good time.  Even thinking about hen do's makes me feel really stressy and anxious.  It feels as though if I go through with it that I'll be doing it for other people or that there's an expectation that a hen do is a must.

I'm in two minds about having one, but at the same time I don't want to run the risk of regretting not having one in years to come.  My OH's do is all arranged and I'm happy for him as it sounds like he'll have a brilliant time.  I'm trying to figure out whether I'm getting anxious about it because its not really me, or whether it's because no-one's sorted anything out and I'm disappointed. 

Any Advice?

 

Posts

  • How about arranging something that will suit you! You could arrange it WITH your bridesmaid so that you know its not full of 'forced fun' surprises and could even not include alcohol if you dont want that forced drunk thing!

    I love being the centre of attention and cant wait for my hen do - only happens once right! - but get that everyone is completely different. 

    How about a theatre trip and afternoon tea? Or going to the zoo then out for dinner? Or if you like baking I've seen a company that arranges a great british bake off style day! Think of something you would normally enjoy as a day out with mates and just go for it! Not all hen do's have to be drunken madness on a night out =] 

    xxx

  • Sarah398Sarah398 Posts: 266

    Dont worry too much.  As you are getting married in lower season & only want a relaxed hen do then they have time to organise something.  

    Or perhaps they are just keeping you out of the loop as a surprise?

    If it is going to be a relaxed affair then relax xx

     

  • Marija2Marija2 Posts: 362

    Oh I'm exactly like you! Love how you described it as a forced fun! I didn't want a hen party myself, as I am not a 'going out and getting wasted' kinda girl. I ended up having a relaxing weekend with a spa and nice dinners with my best friend, and I'm going out with my 'local' friends for some cocktails in a couple of weeks. So I did have my kinda Hen Party weekend away thing, but it was very calm and just the way I wanted it, and I will go out for some drinks, but it's only one night, so I think I can handle that.... I think you can make it work. Who said that a weekend away with just another girl is not a Hen party??? :)))

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 3,663 New bride

    It sounds like the part you aren't looking forward to is the drunkeness and expected sillyness.

    Why not just play it simple and go for a spa day? Nobody says you have to have this big multi day event that seems to be the in thing for hen do's now. It won't take much organisation either- either just look up local spas, or try somewhere like https://www.spabreaks.com/categories/hen-night

    Then just put together a list of who you would like to come, tell them when and how much, and give them a deadline to get the money to you. Be firm on the date so you don't end up with last minute drop outs or people oweing you money! I organised my sister's Hen and one of the other BMs still owed me the cash for it right up until her wedding day- I made her pay for my hair and make up to reimburse me! Ideally your bridesmaids can sort this out if they still want to help.

    Hopefully it would mean you still have a hen do and won't regret not having one, but it will be a lot more chilled and won't stress you out.

  • Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable :) Pick something that appeals to you, invite only people you choose and book it yourself if need be. That way, you get precisely what you want.

    If being the centre of attention puts you off (I have many friends who feel the same) maybe pick a place that offers a choice of things to do in the day and then you can all meet for dinner later.

    For my cousin's hen do, we went to Edinburgh and I arranged three daytime activities - a ghost walk, a shopping trip, and a museum tour, and people could pick which one they wanted to do. We all met up later for drinks and dinner.

    It may seem weird splitting up but if you have a large group (we had around 15 people) it really works out well.

  • MissNdMissNd Posts: 122 New bride

    I was upset when I found out my bms didn't arrange anything but in the end we are going for a Greek meal and drinks next week and I can't Wait! I took over the plans but they have been buying secret accessories for me which should be fun. I was dead set on not having a tacky hen but now it's all booked I'm really looking forward to it!🙈

  • Kitten2014Kitten2014 Posts: 1,489

    I like Sammykate's idea - it kind of sounds like what you might be looking for...pampering, low-key, relaxing, not OTT. The good thing about it, if you decide to do it, is that you can easily enough coordinate it yourself. You don't even have to call it a "hen do" if you don't want to: you could say that you are arranging a pre-wedding pampering party instead. 

    Pick a spa and the services you'd like, get the costs, and send out an email inviting those you might like there. Whomever responds and has the money, comes. Whomever doesn't...doesn't. 

    It sounds like it would be silly to expect anyone else at this point to get their finger out and coordinate something on your behalf - sometimes these things just don't happen and it's up to us to take the wheel. By planning it yourself, you would get a day exactly as you want it to be.

    Don't feel pressured to have the long, drawn out, expensive, high-energy, drunken fiesta that many hens are. It's not my thing either, and no, it's not that unusual. LOTS of ladies have either very low key events (tea with the mums and MOH for example) or nothing at all. It's just that you aren't typically bombarded with the stories and images of these kinds of hens on social media and in articles, because they aren't big spectacles.  Big spectacles make better articles and more of a splash on social media, so those are the types of hens you're going to hear more about...which leads one to thinking that everyone is doing this, when they actually aren't.

    It's your hen, do what YOU want to do, even if that includes skipping it entirely.

  • Sophie177Sophie177 Posts: 190

    im the same, i hate being centre of attention, not one for a big drunken leary night out with pink and purple ann summers products dangling off me, and covered in L plated.  so i organised a day at a spa for just 8 of us.  the best part is, the spa doesnt allow you to look as though you're having a hen day, so they cant sneak anything on me! :) x

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