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Anyone else's parents being fussy?

Ugh my parents are being so fussy about everything, I am losing patience! The latest is my dad has decided he doesn't like the main course we have picked so wants to choose his own (he doesn't want the vegetarian either). just the latest in a long line of fussy Requirements. Anyone else experiencing something similar?

Posts

  • rainbooboorainbooboo Posts: 545

    I've had a few raised eyebrows from my parents because SHOCK, HORROR my h2b is wearing BROWN shoes with a BLUE SUIT! haha!

    My dad also doesn't understand things like my flip flop box he seems to think it's all very odd lol.

    I don't think mine have been to many weddings So don't understand. my FSIL also a pain with the food - first she needed gluten free and vegan and now she said "oh just give me chicken" WHAT?!

  • Lucyw1672Lucyw1672 Posts: 76

    Oh no my h2b is wearing a blue suit with brown shoes too. I will wait for my parent's response!

  • rainbooboorainbooboo Posts: 545

    Yeah my dad was like "brown? Oooookaaaaay..." Then he's managed to get up to "mmmmm  seems very trendy at the moment..." 

  • Lexi90Lexi90 Posts: 971

    I love a blue suit and brown shoes! I feel they have to be brown, much better than blue!

    I am indecisive, control freak, worrier - so I am glad that both our sets of parents are happy for us to do our own thing!! 

  • Helen225Helen225 Posts: 861 New bride

    Def brown with blue! 

    Rainbooboo it took me AGES to work out what FSIL was! Guess I'm not down with the lingo 😉

  • lubeslubes Posts: 1,555

    Oh that is so irritating, but you just have to ignore them! I think a lot of the time, parents don't realise just how much times have changed since they got married and can't comprehend our choices! I've found it can be all of the family though, not just parents!

    My brother said he didn't like our main course either, but I just shrugged my shoulders. Like I'm going to change my whole wedding menu just because you don't like BBQ marinade!

    Some of my family refused to stay in the same hotel as us on the night of the wedding initially as according to them, we're supposed to "sneak off somewhere for our first night together and only the Best Man should know where we are". Errrr, maybe if we were living in the 80s! They have since learnt that no-one has done that this millennium!

    My dad (bless him) though meaning completely well has told us that we should play a slow song in the middle of the evening do as a cue for the old people to go home. When are going to do the opposite and maybe stick on some Chase and Status .

    Basically, you are not alone! You can choose to let it get to you or just keep calm and carry on x

  • Karen62Karen62 Posts: 244

    Good advice Lubes calm always best if not always easy!!

    "sneak off for 1st night together!!"??? I've paid for this party I'm staying to the end!!lol

    I've found everyone has an opinion, I won't be sorry post wedding when that eases off a bit & I stop having to be polite!!lol I do find "oh that's an interesting idea" and "oh that's lovely, but we've already sorted that thanks" work quite well!!

    know what you mean Helen took me a while to work out all the abbreviations, I had to google some of them!!lol

    xxx

  • Marija2Marija2 Posts: 362

    What's wrong with navy and brown???? I love that combination... 

    i pnly had problems woth my parents at the very begining. They went from "when are you getting married?" to "why are tou getting married?" to "why would you waist your money on the wedding?" to "why are you having a small wedding and not a propped one?" Within one day!!

    So now i just present my parents and my PIL to be with the facts, and just give them no options! works a treat!!!

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  • MichBee2BMichBee2B Posts: 726

    It must be a Dad thing! Mine has been fussing about everything from what mum will eat if we choose red meat for our main (mum doesn't care), what happens if it rains and they have to walk 5 minutes from the car to the venue (this from a man who owns approx 400 golf umbrellas), and how we will get everyone to the venues. All bearing in mind that these things came up a good 16 months before the wedding and a good 10 months before these things actually needed deciding. Oh and you can just imagine his reaction when we suggested the men might (MIGHT) decide to wear converse instead of shoes. 

    Lubes is so right tho - it turned out he's not been to many weddings so hadn't got a clue how things were these days. He also asked me if we would mind if they didn't stay til the end as apparently the bride and groom have to leave first! thankfully mum has been able to reign him in a bit now. 

    Just keep it focussed on it being your day and get used to eye rolling! 

  • EJS1982EJS1982 Posts: 664

    My parents have done a lot of 'well it was so different in my day' and 'oh I just don't understand...I haven't been to any modern weddings'  to 'we just left for our honeymoon after our wedding and left the guests to it'

    I can't fathom the idea of leaving your own wedding early!? The crux of it is they just don't have any experience of weddings since the 1970s!

  • MrsG2bxxMrsG2bxx Posts: 868

    I read this post earlier this morning and thought 'my parents (well my mum)...has been a bit fussy and has wound me up a little but not enough to write about'

     

    ....I spoke too soon!! I am now in tears as she has just emailed me asking if I will ask my little cousin to be my BM if she pays for her dress and shoes.

    We aren't having many kids to the wedding (only 4 kids are coming) 2 of them are my BM (my niece & best friends little girl) the other 2 are my brother (11) and cousin in question (8)

    Now my mum has even gone as far to say that my cousin will be the only little girl there not in a BM dress and it will look horrible and she will feel left out.

    I feel totally horrendous! I never see this cousin, only at Christmas, we have no relationship, I don't even know if she knows my name!? she has never spent any time with me and I have never really thought about spending time with her! I mean she is 8! she lives so far away and I am not close to my uncle?!

    I see my best friends little girl every week and she knows that on a Thursday I am coming over to read her her bedtime story and tuck her into bed! she waits at the door for me! she is my flowergirl.

    My niece is obviously my bridesmaid, she is my princess and my littlest best friend.

     

    I cant help but feel really emotional at the thought of my cousin now seeing the only other 2 little girls in their BM dresses and walking down the aisle! I just feel like a monster and feel like I should ask her even though I feel it is so strange and awkward to do so!? what would you do?! xx

     

     

     

  • rainbooboorainbooboo Posts: 545
    Marija2 wrote (see post):

    What's wrong with navy and brown???? I love that combination... 

    i pnly had problems woth my parents at the very begining. They went from "when are you getting married?" to "why are tou getting married?" to "why would you waist your money on the wedding?" to "why are you having a small wedding and not a propped one?" Within one day!!

    So now i just present my parents and my PIL to be with the facts, and just give them no options! works a treat!!!


    aPPARENTLY IT IS NOT "FORMAL" ENOUGH FOR A WEDDING, AND ALSO YOU SHOULD WEAR BLACK SHOES WITH A BLUE SUIT!! HAHAHAA sorry pops

  • rainbooboorainbooboo Posts: 545

    oops caps sorry

  • LantrolLantrol Posts: 43

    This has made me chuckle and I shall be telling my mum these tales. 

    My mum has nicknamed my dad. Dadzilla!  I didn't get to choose my venue, well I did but he wouldn't hear of any viewings of other venues. (No where else is suitable apparently, not fussed as it's where I always wanted) .

    There has to be canapes, wanted to book out rooms for guests. Thank God for my venue coordinator she stopped him lol.

    I've not to have a big fancy dress ( too late)

    Does not approve of irregular choice shoes

    He dragged my OH half out to get his kilt. 

    He's trying his best to convince us to have a band.

    Doesn't like my ideas for the pipers music.

    He will flip if I told him what our first dance is.

    Trying to get us to pay supplement for steak.

    There is probably more to come. Only got engaged in Febuary. Mum and I laugh about it.  We put it down to him being excited that he's finally getting to have his father of the bride moment.

    However if he does get out of hand I'll get my venue coordinator back onto him lol

  • rainbooboorainbooboo Posts: 545

    Definitely agree that most parentals don't know how things have changed since the 70's! My dad also asked the whole "WHAT IF IT RAINS?!" question as I am getting a horse and carriage. Bless them, I am sure once the day rolls around and they see everyone enjoying themselves they will think everyone's ideas are great (well, I am hoping so, anyway!) x

  • MichBee2BMichBee2B Posts: 726
    MrsG2bxx wrote (see post):

    I read this post earlier this morning and thought 'my parents (well my mum)...has been a bit fussy and has wound me up a little but not enough to write about'

     

    ....I spoke too soon!! I am now in tears as she has just emailed me asking if I will ask my little cousin to be my BM if she pays for her dress and shoes.

    We aren't having many kids to the wedding (only 4 kids are coming) 2 of them are my BM (my niece & best friends little girl) the other 2 are my brother (11) and cousin in question (8)

    Now my mum has even gone as far to say that my cousin will be the only little girl there not in a BM dress and it will look horrible and she will feel left out.

    I feel totally horrendous! I never see this cousin, only at Christmas, we have no relationship, I don't even know if she knows my name!? she has never spent any time with me and I have never really thought about spending time with her! I mean she is 8! she lives so far away and I am not close to my uncle?!

    I see my best friends little girl every week and she knows that on a Thursday I am coming over to read her her bedtime story and tuck her into bed! she waits at the door for me! she is my flowergirl.

    My niece is obviously my bridesmaid, she is my princess and my littlest best friend.

     

    I cant help but feel really emotional at the thought of my cousin now seeing the only other 2 little girls in their BM dresses and walking down the aisle! I just feel like a monster and feel like I should ask her even though I feel it is so strange and awkward to do so!? what would you do?! xx

      

    Stick to your guns! She's 8, she's not going to care, and if you don't see her often and she doesn't know you I'd actually argue she would feel very awkward and intimidated. I know you won't want her left out but really?! 

    We're having a similar amount of children and one girl and one boy who won't be in the wedding party, and the only time I'm treating them equally is with a few of their (small) gifts with a special one being given as part of their outfit.

  • I have a problem as well. FPIL are over the moon constantly talking about, can't wait for the day their 'baby' gets married...

    In come my parents... I'm also the 'baby', my mum is happy, offered to pay for some bits but doesn't seem excited. My father on the other hand, refuses to wear a hire suit and says it won't be clean and he not wearing one and has said he's wearing jeans (& no he's not joking) I've told my mum if hes wearing jeans then he's not coming.

    He moans constantly about the menu, (we've chosen pea and mint soup and can't understand why it can't be pea and ham) hasn't offered any money. Not excited in the least. 

    My 2 brothers, one of which joked he wasn't coming as I didn't go to his - (I was 11 and not allowed to go) 

    And my other brother firstly said he would have to come on his own because his partner would have to stay at home with my nephews as her other children aren't invited (not my brothers kids) then he said he wasn't coming at all as she wouldn't let him come! But I think he's realised I would never talk to him again lol as he's coming and 'hopefully' bringing my nephews as her ex will have the other kids as it falls on his weekend. 

    My sister refused to be my bridesmaid as she 48. shes happy but not excited and is dreading it as she will have to be in the photos....

     

    I really really wished we'd eloped. 😂

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  • MrsG2bxxMrsG2bxx Posts: 868

    Thank you @MichBee2b and @Kitten I do feel much better knowing that I wouldn't be being a monster if I stuck to my guns and kept my bridal party the way it is.

    I literally thought about this all day and night (I am a big over-thinker) I do feel really horrible and wish it had never been brought up as I hadn't even thought about it before, but I really am happy with my bridal party the way that it is, I went to a lot of trouble to ask my girls, I hand made each request and I feel even if I did ask my cousin, it will look like a blatant after-thought seeing as my girls posted their requests on social media etc... (plus I asked them all last year!)

    oh @Kitten, I completely understand what you are saying and I feel for you as I know if my parents weren't interested I would be so distraught (my dad & step-mum actually aren't interested one bit - they haven't asked anything about the wedding and change the subject if anyone ever brings it up, but my mum and step-dads involvement and excitement for us counter balance that)

    I wouldn't change my parents for the world and even though they aren't paying for the wedding, I really do value their opinions and their support in other aspects - it was just this one thing that really upset me because I am a very sensitive person and the way she worded it made me out to be a bully like 'the only other little girls there will be involved and will be together and your cousin, our family baby, will be alone and left out'....it was just a proper guilt trip!

    xxxx

     

  • MrsLMTMrsLMT Posts: 3,830

    My dad isn't happy with the idea of navy suits but has said he will wear whatever I want him to wear, (good answer dad). 

    My mum and I are chalk and cheese, she really doesn't like any of my ideas. I'm only at the beginning stages of my wedding planning and can already see arguments looming. She picture perfect high end look. And that isn't me. She threw her dummy out over colours a few months back but has chilled out now I have changed them. 

     

  • Lucyw1672Lucyw1672 Posts: 76

    Right I'm really pissed off now. Our starter is a salad and the main is pork (quite lean) and I've been told that my dad won't eat the pork as 'he has a sensitive stomach and can't eat rich foods'. He rsvp'ed saying he'd looked at the menu on offer at our venue and wants the salmon (we have not picked this for main or vegetarian, so he's literally just picking whatever he wants off the list).  never mind I though, I will try and accommodate his fussiness. Until I remembered that my sister got married 1 month ago and he wolfed down a massive duck starter, chicken in a creamy sauce and a cheesecake for pudding!!! 

    My mum has also had a major wobbly about corsages. Ahhhh

  • Junebug87Junebug87 Posts: 25

    Reading this thread has cracked me up! I'm so glad to know I'm not alone in the fussy parent arena!

    My parents have opinions on EVERYTHING. The food choices, apparently serving pie "is not very weddingy" (we're having it anyway!), we need to have a receiving line (not happening), the wording on the invitations should have their names (maybe if they foot the bill I'll allow that!)

    Honestly, it makes talking about wedding plans so much hard work. I've shed a few tears over it but now I'm going to try and see the funny side. Seems like there's awkward family members in every wedding!

  • I feel quite lucky that we haven't really had to deal with anything like this. That may be down to the fact though that we decided that we wanted to get married then planned the major parts of the wedding in secret! We announced our engagement a month later and by this point we had the date set, venue booked, food choices sorted and the wedding cake picked! People haven't really had a chance to give their opinions or make a fuss out of anything!

  • I feel a bit guilty that some of the comments here were so amusing. It's good to know I am not the only one. ha ha

    We are getting married in 1 month and 10 days. I decided to arrange the dress fitting for 10 days before the wedding as I am trying to loose weight and my dress will look awful if it's too big. My future MIL thinks I should have the fitting now. I keep saying "I will consider that" but the woman wont let go! 

    Most of the time I really appreciate FMIL's help as my mum is not even coming to the wedding. FMIL means well, bless her, but really...sometimes I have to breath a few times not to explode! My partner agrees with her on nearly everything and now and then I have to remind him he is marrying me not her.  Really annoying. 

  • Don't worry you're not the only one! H2B's grandad couldnt understand blue suit and brown shoes either apparently it's scruffy.. We showed him photos on google all of the blue suits have brown shoes I think it's an old fashioned thing! We just laughed it off but sometimes easier said than done! Everyone seems to have an opinion about what you should or shouldn't do but it's your day they've had theirs so it's your time now to have what you want! X

  • MrsLMTMrsLMT Posts: 3,830

    I'm dreading getting ready at my parents house. Mum will take hours to get ready.

    I love my mum but she is high maintenance. I know she's had stuff injected into her lips, she says she hasn't but I'm not stupid. A persons lips do not change shape or become plumper without something. 

    Normal conversation is along the lines:

    Me: What you done to your lips?

    Mum: Nothing....why

    Me: They look different

    Mum: I haven't done anything

    Me: You look like you have been smacked it the mouth mum. It's not a good look. 

    She usually disappears for 2-3 days after going to the beautician / hair salon. I've tried getting it out of the hairdresser what mum has done but they wont tell me. 

    She is already worrying about her outfit and started looking for herself but is dragging her feet coming shopping with me! 

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 4,014 New bride
    rainbooboo wrote (see post):

    I've had a few raised eyebrows from my parents because SHOCK, HORROR my h2b is wearing BROWN shoes with a BLUE SUIT! haha!

    My dad also doesn't understand things like my flip flop box he seems to think it's all very odd lol.

    I don't think mine have been to many weddings So don't understand. my FSIL also a pain with the food - first she needed gluten free and vegan and now she said "oh just give me chicken" WHAT?!

    This literally summs up my mother's attitude to my wedding planning. She doesn't understand a thing about modern weddings and has questioned and silently disapproved of everything from my timings to my flip flop box. My H2B is also wearing a blue suit and brown shoes so she'll have something to say about that I'm sure. I haven't even bothered breaching the subject of me doing my own make up or anything else vaguely unusual!

    My step dad bless him is a sweetie and will turn up on the day and drive me to the wedding and be a proud daddy-stand-in. So at least I only get aggro from one side!

  • my mil to be has now declared that she is uninviting her partner and wants her friends to come and stay in the chateau. This is 5 weeks before my wedding and there are no spare rooms. Give me strength...

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