Self esteem at rock bottom
I have posted about this before, months ago, along the lines of anyway. But my issue has gotten significantly worse.
It's hard to know who to talk to about this, my sister just calls me an idiot, my fiance thinks I'm being stupid.
Since starting a new job over a year ago I have developed anxiety. I thought I had been anxious before (I have always been a worrier), but it's fully blown anxiety to the point I struggle to leave the house.
Other than worrying about work, I have started worrying about my appearance, not in a self obsessed/vain way, but in a 'everyone is staring at me because I look like a troll' kind of way.
I have always been told that I am pretty by family and friends (don't they have to say that?), and I have usually been happy when looking in a mirror. However, in the last few months I have started becoming paranoid that the person I see in the mirror is not how others see me. To the point I feel like I have been living my whole life as a lie, and I have become convinced the person that people see me as is this incredibly ugly woman.
It has got to a point I have wondered whether this is down to mental health issues rather than just worrying.
I had a consultation with an aesthetic doctor yesterday, basically I was there to ask him how to fix my face! He basically told me to go away and never come back as I need nothing doing and I am pretty the way I am.
I really don't know whats causing this, I don't know if it's the anxiety I get from work affecting other parts of my life.
I get married in 8 weeks time, the thought of having my hair and make up done is making me feel like I could have a heart attack. Like I said, I am okay with what I see in the mirror but apparently this is a flipped version of ourselves (other people don't see us as our mirror image). I burst into tears the other night and felt like I was having a panic attack, I was telling my fiance I am scared he will look at me as I walk down the aisle and think I look terrible.
I don't want anyone looking at me, I don't want any photos.
This is really taking over my life now and due to work, I have no time to go and see a doctor.
Has anyone had this problem before?
I know there are much worse things going on in people's lives and I must sound ridiculous but this is more than just me worrying about what I look like, it consumes my every though to the point I feel like I need psychiatric help!
Thanks for any advice in advance x