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Stealing our thunder

My fiancé and I got engaged at the end of last year and have a wedding booked for June next year. We have so far enjoyed the planning process and been excited for our wedding.

At the end of last month, my fiancé's brother got engaged, without a ring, and they have now decided to get married 6 weeks before us. I don't think it has really worried my fiancé, he hasn't said otherwise, but it has really upset me. They are more popular and by his family as it is, and now my wedding will just be overshadowed by theirs, after all the hard work I have already been putting in for the last 6 months. 


Would be interested to hear if anyone else has experienced similar, and if so how they dealt with it??


  • lubeslubes Posts: 1,555


    I can appreciate why you're upset, but I'm on your H2B's side with this. You can't stop people getting engaged or married just because you are.

    To give you some perspective, one of our ushers met his fiancé last October - we had set our wedding date months before and sent a wedding invite just to him! - but low and behold, he is engaged and needs to marry his fiancé within six months due to his visa (the fiancé is from the USA). Completely bonkers in some ways really! Anyway, they have recently booked their wedding four weeks after ours. We are part of a bigger group of friends who will be attending both celebrations and I couldn't care less. Honestly, it does not remotely bother me! I am a bridesmaid and will have a great day seeing my friend get married, not grumble that it was me four weeks previously. I would gain nothing from that attitude!

    The way I see it is that every wedding is different. Every couple has different tastes, different ideas, different guests and a different way of doing things which makes their wedding unique to them. No two weddings are the same! You have not wasted your efforts because another family member is getting married before you. I'd use that as a motivator to make mine even better :')!

    When I go to a wedding, I'm not thinking about the couple who are coming up next or have just been previously - I am there to focus on and celebrate the couple whose wedding day it is. My point is that no-one is going to be thinking about your FBIL's wedding when they're at yours: their wedding will be old news at that point! How exactly will a wedding that has happened overshadow yours? Besides, six weeks is a fair break between both of them. 

    I think you need to ask yourself what you're achieving by getting upset over this. Don't let THEIR wedding spoil the fun of YOUR planning. In the long term, once your wedding is over, you may be more resentful that you spent your time and energy getting upset over this rather than focusing on enjoying a very special time of your life that only happens once. At least when you're at their wedding, you will still have yours to look forward to  x

  • MrsMac2b3MrsMac2b3 Posts: 110

    I can see where you're coming from but it's not a competition. Your big day will always be less important to others that it is to you. Similarly, your big day will be more important to you than others.

    There may be specific reasons as to why they picked that date in the first place.

    I was engaged and had picked my wedding date first when my cousin decided she wanted hers 4 weeks before. I can't change her mind so i'm not going to get upset. Silver lining is, if she has anything too similar to me, or anything i particularly like/dislike...there's still time to change it. 

    Get back to enjoy planning your own wedding and leave them to their own devices xo

  • Mimi8Mimi8 Posts: 316 New bride

    It sounds to me like you lack confidence in yourself and the day you have planned. Do not worry about them or that they are more popular ?? you have loving family and friends who are really looking forward to your special day and your fiancé clearly couldn't care less about anything except marrying you. stop fretting , enjoy their day then look forward to yours and a happy future ahead , have a lovely day xx don't forget to put some pics on here xx

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