My bridesmaids

My bridesmaids from day one have been disagreeable about the choice of dress colour style etc. There was a lot of calling the shots from day one and I was told the things that I wasn't allowed to go for.  Which is fine but the insults I have received on my choices have been awful. I decided that I'd had enough of the insults and bad behaviour that I have cancelled the bridesmaids now. I don't regret what I've done and I have the full support of my husband to be, but the BM's are not happy about being relived of their duties.  I have endured the insults and snide comments for six months now And just couldn't bear the thought of going through the long faces on my wedding day. My BMs are all adults. The colour of the dresses was the wrong shade for all of them but when they tried them on they looked just beautiful. My BMs range from a size 8 to a size 14 so a simple style was what I needed. I took the advice of my friend who is a wedding dress consultant. I just feel so upset that it has come to this. Your thoughts please??


  • Sophie177Sophie177 Posts: 190

    as hard as it is, id say you've done the right thing.  if they question why you've "fired" them, just tell them the truth, that the childish behaviour was getting too much and not worthy of a bridesmaid.  the only diva allowed in the wedding party is the bride!

    as regards to a BM dress to suit all of them, it should be your final decision, but i'd get their opinions only to help you work out what that decision might be.  don't be afraid of having different styles or colours to make sure BMs are comfortable in their outfit.  BUT it is still YOURS which is the final say so!

    hope that helps


  • Joanie311Joanie311 Posts: 3

    Thank you I took on board some of the ideas they had but because I made the final decision on the dress they weren't happy. When I gave them half a dozen differnt shoes to choose from (my decision was final) they didn't like any of them and weren't happy that I had the final vote on the style. They wanted to wear their own choices but me pay for them!!!  With regard to hair and make up I said whatever they individually wanted as one style would not be possible as some of them have very short and some very long hair.  It's been hard to be honest and I feel awful that they are not involved. They are my partners offspring as well so that has made it difficult. I feel soooo torn by it all. 😥

  • Kitten2014Kitten2014 Posts: 1,489

    That is a difficult situation, being that they are your stepchildren - ouch! I don't know what your relationship is like with them the rest of the time, but it occurs to me that they may be being difficult on purpose if they are less than thrilled with their new stepmum in some way. (Trust me, I have three difficult step-offspring and plenty, plenty o' troubles to go with it, daily.)

    Regardless, you have done the right thing, and congrats to your partner for standing by you! That is not the kind of support you will often find from a partner when his children's' behaviour is in question. I say leave well enough alone and proceed with your planning. As much as it was an incredibly gracious move on your part to ask them to be BMs, they clearly would have been no help in the process anyway and you are better off planning on your own (with your OH). It will be a much more positive and efficient process!

    You could always involve them in the day in other ways, and this time, I would put the OH in charge. They could do a reading, act as a witness (if old enough), contribute a musical offering, act as usher, etc. If they ask why the change, I would just say that coordinating everyone will be much easier and less stressful this way. Each person can now do their own thing, wear their own thing, etc., without the consensus of the group. It's the truth, but a gentle way of saying it and hopefully will preserve the peace!

  • Joanie311Joanie311 Posts: 3

    Thank you so much. I've told them it isn't happening already so unfortunately peace could not be preserved. Toys have well and truly been thrown out of Prams!! I'm sure they will get over it. Our relationship together has been very up and down but on this one the OH has supported. I think because he saw and heard some of the comments with his own eyes and ears He was horrified.  I didn't get much choice on weather they were going to be BMs my OH assumed and I just went with it  sounds awful but they are all adults with their own kids and there is one that I just cannot take to she has rode rough shot over my feelings from the start (politics re her mother) and I really didn't want to have her but didn't get much choice  so it's been an awful roller coaster from start to finish!!  I can't wait for 2017 when the wedding will be here. 


  • Kitten2014Kitten2014 Posts: 1,489

    I'm so sorry you are having a tough time with them. 

    I hope life gets easier for you once the marriage is complete. As awful as it sounds to say, once the wedding is over, being that they are all adults, you can probably limit your contact with them to Christmas and Easter if you want ;)  Thank goodness that they are not younger and you would have the day-to-day mothering responsibilities...

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