We've broken up for good.
Just wanted to come on here to say there will be no more wedding. I've been suffering from depression and low self-esteem for years and everyone has come to the realisation that my whole life revolves around my relationship.
OH and I were apart for 6 weeks in which time he told me he was happier without me even though he loved me more than the world. This is because he has felt constant pressure to keep me happy and feels like he can't be himself anymore as I was getting jealous of photos of him and other girls. I realise I'm stupid and I do trust him, it's just my brain tells me I'm not good enough and I compare myself to everyone. I always thought if you loved someone enough you'd make it work but that's really not the case.
We spoke about what the most important thing is about a relationship and he said 'Independance' which couldn't be further away from what I need and want at times, which is comfort, love and reassuring. He said this morning that he wants to be able to feel like he can fly around the world at the drop of a hat and that he needs to be in a relationship where he has the freedom to do that.
Needless to say I am absolutely heartbroken. He's said he loves me more than anything but he wants me to go off and find out who I am again. I've been with him from 19-25 and feel like he's been such a huge part of my life that I'm not sure how I'm going to cope.
If I'm honest with myself, I have been Googling 'cold feet' for the last 5 months and whenever we argue he has been shutting off and I've been crying myself to sleep on a regular basis so I know it's not right. Its just so hard because I really did believe he was The One.
His mum has said I need to be on my own and that we never know what could happen in the future but I'm just riddled with thoughts that he's going to find someone better. We have a house and a dog and I feel like everything is falling apart as I'm going to go and live with my Mum for a while in my childhood room. Kill me. I wanted to come on here for a bit of support because I don't think anything could have prepared me for this.