Hen Party Anxiety

This whole thread may sound slightly bratty/bridezilla but I really have nowhere else to get my feelings out at the moment!

Last year my sister got married and at her request I organised her hen party away in Dublin which she really enjoyed. She decided she really, really wanted to repay this when I got engaged and despite my massive reluctance (I hate surprises) I agreed to let her do this. However, I did specify I didn't want anything big and just a day/night out would be good. I also told her to be mindful of the fact that some of my friends didn't have that much money (as money is never a problem for her so she gets a bit carried away).

Well, since that discussion things seemed to just run away with themselves and cause a stupid amount of stress. Firstly, she was on the phone in tears saying she couldn't get everyone together on the same day and that my friends were being unreasonable. I only had 7 friends I was inviting anyway so felt really rubbish that they couldn't find the time. So I suggested we just had a family do and then I met up with my friends separately. However, somehow she sorted it and the one day turned into 4 days (no wonder people were struggling to find the time) and the hen party was booked.

Since the hen party was booked I have heard nothing but problems from everyone, despite not actually having a single clue where we are going or what we are doing. My mum and sister seem to think my friends are horrible and only think of themselves and I recently had a bit of a fall out with one of my friends about how much money she is spending on my wedding! Basically, I have heard nothing good about the day and only how many problems it has caused. I don't like surprises anyway and the whole thing just feels really uncomfortable. I did ask one of my friends last week if I will enjoy it and she just said 'Well if you don't its your sisters fault' then laughed. Which really didn't make me feel any better. Its like they want it to fail!

Anyway its on Thursday and the very idea of it is making me feel physically sick at the moment. I don't like being the centre of attention, the whole planning has caused a divide between my friends and family and I am freaking out as the 7 friends I have invited are from 3 different groups and I just can't see how they will get on with each other.  I also have 2 cousins coming who I don't even really know - so that will be awkward! And then I feel like I am somehow going to be trapped in this hellish situation for 4 days! Which is definitely not how you should be viewing your hen party!! I have been texting all my friends over the week to see if they can get me a bit excited but their responses are really blunt and noncommittal (n fact a couple haven't even replied) which leads me to think they are dreading the weekend as well! I am even freaking out that they will just drop out altogether and then my family will think I am just a friendless loser!

I can't even be annoyed at my sister as all she has tried to do is create a memorable hen party for me  and doesn't really understand that people don't just have loads of disposable money (especially as people are having to pay to travel/stay over at my wedding) or that people don't want to do a million things over the course of the event (apparently there is a really strict itineracy) 

The bratty bit is that basically I have 15 people willing to give up 4 days to come and celebrate my hen party and I am dreading it! But I went on a hen party last year where we just went into London to make cocktails, played Mr and Mrs and had a nice dinner - I desperately wish I had just arranged that!! Instead I am just hoping that the weekend is over with as quickly as possible - which makes me feel even more horrible that people have had to shell out so much money! I just want to feelings of anxiety to stop!!

Posts

  • Sarah398Sarah398 Posts: 266

    I do feel for you, your not being Bridezilla, its horrible when you feel as though people are being forced to enjoy something you have had no say in, when it is in your honor.

    However you must remember the 2 things you have pointed out already:

    1.  That you have 15 people willing to dedicate 4 days to celebrate you.

    2.  That your sister is trying to make it as special for you as it was for her.

    The worst thing that could happen though is that you all go & are determined to have a horrible time, that will just be miserable.

    The best scenario is that everyone incl. you have the best time ever, which is unrealistic.

    What could actually happen is that there will be some bits you will love, some you wont so much, but overall you all will have a great time together, and you will be wondering why you got so worked up.

    Dont worry about the mix of people either, I am having 15 people at my hen do & they incl. family, close friends, work friends & other friends who dont know anyone else.  Im sure that there will be some that dont get on like a house on fire but they are adults and can avoid each other.

    Perhaps yoiu could ask your sister to give you some details about the hen do, about where you are going or what you will be doing to relieve some of your anxiety, you never know it may make you look forward to it xx

  • EJS1982EJS1982 Posts: 664

    Ugh I feel for you. Hen dos are so over blown and there's so much pressure for it to be the next best thing to your wedding! I suppose it's too late to reclaim your hen do so best just take it as it comes. Have as much fun As you can and in time people will forget about the money - of all the hen dos I've been on, it's not how much I spent that I remember - it's the time I spent and the fun I had with friends. 

    My own hen do wasn't what I expected - I was ill, there was hardly anyone there, and we didnt do what I wanted because I was recovering from surgery. But fuck it, you take the rough with the smooth and you just have to be thankful for little things you can be thankful for! Roll on the wedding I say 😜

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