Bridezilla Makes Me Want To Cancel

Ok, so this is a long story, I'll try to keep it short. I am looking for some advice on how to discuss this with the bride... after the wedding.

The bride was one of my bridesmaids. Unbeknownst to me, the other bridesmaids hated her because she was rude, always disagreeing and then never paid back the MoH. She gave me a hard time about the shoes and the hair trial but otherwise there was very little to disagree about as I paid for everything (except the shoes, hair trial and mani/pedis) and allowed each bridesmaid to have a lot of choice. I picked the material/colour and the bridesmaids designed their own dresses (full length as it was formal). As long as they didn't choose the same neckline as me, I didn't care. They had full control and scheduled appointments for fittings individually on their time. I paid for hair and make-up the day of. 

Now, I'm one of her bridesmaids. She asked me at my birthday party - and insisted I open her card in front of my guests. The only topic of conversation the rest of the time was her. I had reservations about what she would expect and I told her so at my party. Nevertheless, we plowed forward. 

After 5 separate dress appointments, she finally chose the dress. Unlike with me, the bridesmaids had zero say and were expected to pay. The dress was over $400. Then, she asked me to do the makeup for free for all the bridesmaids. I had intended to do my own, but told her no for everyone else. She hired someone and I am not privy to the arrangements with the other bridesmaids and who is paying for what. 

I had approached her about shoes and colour (because she's been so picky, even though she'd previously said we could wear whatever we wanted) and it's a good thing I did, because she wanted a specific colour, which I didn't have. So, I had to purchase a new pair of shoes, which she had to approve. After approving the shoes, the hair and the make-up, she called me with "concerns" about the shoes and the make-up. She didn't ask me to purchase yet another pair of shoes, but she strongly hinted she was displeased. As for the make-up, I have no idea what she wants anymore and will just stick to the original plan.

 

She then asked me to bring my make-up kit (not an easy feat!) to do her touch ups because she didn't hire her make-up artist, that's actually applying the make-up, for touch ups. I said no.

The icing on the cake is that she asked me to borrow fine jewelry. When I told her no and that I didn't have anything, she pushed the issue. Not only are we not that close, but I don't have what she wants. I told her she could go and get something costume at a local store and she scoffed and informed me (for about the thousandth time) that she "doesn't have the budget". She and her fiance both work very well-paying jobs. Why is it my responsibility to supplement? She didn't do that for me.

The wedding is quickly approaching and I am dreading it. There's so much more than the above. I just can't deal anymore. How do I tell her (after the wedding, obviously) that's she's been a dick and I'm pissed. Do I tell her? Do I just never speak to her again?

Posts

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    Its not easy, I feel for you!

    I was bridesmaid for my friend. It started off well but then she rejected my offers to come wedding dress shopping with her but slagged me off for not making an effort. We had to go bridesmaid dresd shopping 4 different times (I have young kids so its not as easy as it is for some) but one time I was too ill to go and slagged me off for faking an illness. She insisted I buy her garter but dropped hint after hint instead of just asking me. The first garter wasnt good enough, the second wasnt what she was hoping for, the third she picked it herself but made me pay. She asked me to wear shoes 2 sizes too small because they were out of stock in my size. I could only make 1 of her 2 hen dos (that she wouldnt let me organise) due to taking my kids in their summer holiday. she asked me to cancel the holiday or even just go the day after the hen do and miss a day of the hol! She booked expensive hair anf makeup and tried to make me pay. She insisted me and the other bridesmaid go first so her make up was freshest, then told everyone that I jumped into the chair before she got a chance and hogged the makeup artist and made her late (she was late because her wedding car broke down, we were sat at the venue waiting around for 40 mins, nothing to do with make up).

    Basically she was an absolute cow and I was glad when it was all over. I planned to just let it go and put it down to wedding stress, but then after the wedding I had a miscarriage and she said she thought I should get over myself because it wasnt even a baby just a thing, and so that was the end of that particular friendship!

    That doesnt answer youre question 😂 I would not say anything and just take a bit of distance after the wedding and see if things settle down. Brides can tend to get very self indulgent in the run up, and once its over she might go back to normal.

  • Wow! She does sound like a cow - I feel you on the kids, I have a very young son. I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage; that is so hard. I hope you lost your shit on her.

    I'm so close to losing it and she hasn't even gotten married yet. When I said I couldn't go to the rehearsal, because I'd have to miss work and it was my own wedding anniversary (hubby took me to my favourite restaurant), she threw a fit. I get that she can be self-centered, but there's bridezilla and then there's "going too far". She's spent the last eighteen months being self-indulgent. I don't even want to make it about me, I just don't want to have to pay for her wedding while she complains that she has no money. At least be reasonable? Especially considering what I did for her.

  • BekhaGBekhaG Posts: 584 New bride

    Hi ladies, both experiences sound horrendous!!!!

    Bridesmaid240 my advice would be take lots of deep breaths, do what is best/ cheapest for you at this point (because I rather suspect nothing you do will please this girl anyway so why trouble yourself?) and take a step back from her post wedding and see if she goes back to normal.

    I'd want to call her out for such arsehole behaviour, after the wedding for certain if not before, but that is easier said than done in girl friendships!!!

  • Kitten2014Kitten2014 Posts: 1,489

    I think if you've been a BM often enough, you have probably been unfortunate enough to have experienced the self-centered wrath that is Bridezilla, at least once.  And maybe have even lost a friendship to it. I can certainly relate.

    I would stick with the line,"As your bridesmaid and friend, I want to offer you emotional support - but I'm unable to offer you xyz support."  Give this a try next time she tries to push the costs of something off on you - and keep repeating it if necessary.

    I agree with the other ladies & would wait and see if she doesn't "normalize" after the wedding. Wedding stress can cause perfectly nice people to act as though they have lost their minds. I'm not excusing her bad behaviour, but if you'd like to salvage the friendship, hang in there and see if things don't take a turn for the better once it's over.

     

  • Charlotte237Charlotte237 Posts: 273 New bride

    Wow she sounds incredibly annoying! Although, the makeup thing I think is fine (is it only me that thinks this is reasonable?!) - as long as you wouldn't be actually providing the makeup for everyone, just DOING their makeup, I think this is a smart way to save budget! If one of my BMs was good at doing makeup I'd def be asking them to do all our makeup and my touch ups too, and im sure they wouldn't expect to do it for anything other than free (though I'd probably give them a gift voucher to say thank you, and would obv buy the makeup myself!). All the other stuff, however, does sound annoying and out of order :( 

  • NikkiMNikkiM Posts: 1,652 New bride

    I never understand bridezillas especially not when it comes to bridesmaids. I would never expect my bridesmaids to go above and beyond for me just because I'm choosing to get married. I've picked my bridesmaid because I want them to be part of my special day. I wouldn't expect them to fork out for all sorts and be out of pocket just for me. I'm paying for their dresses and hair. My sister/MoH is doing the makeup for free but she asked if she could do it. I wouldn't have asked her and would have paid out for a makeup artist. She's saving me a fortune so I'm very grateful. She's also making the wedding cake and favours (she's very talented) and again these were all offered by her rather than me asking. 

    I didn't specifically say anything but the bridesmaids are getting their own shoes and I assume jewellery too. They all have different styles so I'm happy for them to buy things that suit them. I've invited them to a couple of wedding fairs and to come dress shopping. Luckily I found my dress in the first shop so they were spared anymore shopping but none of them moaned about giving up weekends to come with me and all were told that if they couldn't make it, it would be fine. My mum invites herself along to everything wedding related so I would always have someone there for an opinion. 

    I'm organising the majority of the wedding myself and whilst they have all offered their help in various ways, I've only really asked for their opinions on a few things. There isn't much more for them to do other than turn up to the hen do (which I asked my sister to make sure stayed reasonably affordable for all) and come to the wedding.

    It should be a fun time for all involved. You shouldn't wish you'd never been asked to be a bridesmaid. I personally would have to question any friendship that made unreasonable demands of me. As a previous poster has said, take a step back from her post wedding and see if she returns to normal. I'd definitely continue standing my ground with all of the unreasonable demands. 

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