Feel like ive broken the family

Ok this will be long and i salute anyone who gets through it.

Bit of background me and OH have been together since we were teenagers, been together 15 years and two kids. Im very close with his family and was very close with his mum until sadly she died 3 years ago. She was a 2nd mum to be and i was devestated.

We are finally getting married this year. Yay. Anyway my Bil's gf who hes been with 20years ish and 5 kids has always been a bit crazy. My bil is at our house at least once a month on our sofa as theyve had a row and in his words 'shes gone psycho' shes done it to me a few times. Sent me nasty txs for no reason, saying she knows i hate her etc which isn't true. She drinks alot and is already drunk when bil gets home from work alot of the time.

Shes already been on to OHs sisters that shes the only one not involved in the wedding. Oh sister is my moh and the other one is witness. We are alot closer with them as bil and gf live far away. So the other night the messages start saying everyones talking about me behind my back, theyve said i told them i hate her, apparently im pushing her out the family. Then she said the one thing i wont forgive 'X (Oh) is too good for you everyone thinks so even his mum did) she went on to tx my oh saying im begging you dont marry the **** your mum hated her the whole family hates her and she would not be attending the wedding. This all started because i put a pic on fb of me and and ohs sister and she didnt like it.

Now i went to bed crying my eyes out. Ohs sisters both rang me and told me it was lies and not to listen. Oh tx his brother (bil) a with a screenshot of the messages and saying hes sorry but she isnt welcome at the wedding. We havent heard from his brother since. Weve both blocked her from contacting us but i love ohs brother and dont want to break the family apart. Oh says shes done that not me but i still feel awful.

He finally showed me the messages she sent him there was loads basically she said 'im begging you not to marry that twat,your mum hated her the whole family hates her and im the only one who can tell you the truth,you can do so much better,i wont be at the wedding if you marry her'

This happened thurs night and ohs brother didnt get back to him until sunday and all he said was 'really fed up x (the gf) is really upset too'

What the hell?! Shes ruined my wedding either way im going to look.like the bad one for not wanting her there. 

I have no clue what to do


  • Kitten2014Kitten2014 Posts: 1,489

    Oh God, what an awful person! I agree with you, to bring up the deceased mum whom you loved is unforgivable. I don't care how drunk you may have been.

    I don't think you need to do much else. You have already sent the brother the screenshots of the texts. He knows exactly what is going on, and that you are not to blame. I would ask your OH to send just one more text to him just saying something simple such as, "Just a reminder that X is not welcome at our wedding after what has transpired. We would still love to see you there."  And leave it alone. I would refrain from engaging in further conversation about the topic. Ignore the excuses and/or apologies as they (may) come in and focus on trying to have a happy run-up to your wedding.  Immerse yourself in the OH and the other family and friends that you have that do love you and support you.  There are more of them than there are her, so enjoy it.

    Hopefully, the BIL will eventually see fit to do something about her - it's just going to be hard because of all of the children they have together. He is in a terrible situation. While your future is looking up, his is likely to get much worse before it gets better...

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