Getting really update about future MIL
As a lot of people do I have future MIL problems. Basically, from the day we got engaged she started getting obsessed with a dress to wear for our wedding and went out and bought one before even considering if we wanted an input or what my mum would be wearing. So we mentioned that we'd like to see it (and it's a white, long dress) so we told her we would rather her not wear white and that it may be worth waiting to see what my mother wears so they can plan it together-this resulted in so much drama! My mum, completely innocently suggests they go shopping together so they can make sure not to clash with each other or the bridesmaids, well future MIL took this the wrong way completely because she does not like my mum and feels intimidated by her (my mum, looks very young for her age and dresses a bit more fashionable) and future MIL basically hung the phone up on my mum and never called her back and then lied to me saying my mum told her horrible things and gave her a “list of things she is and isn’t allowed to wear” (I should say, I heard my mum on the phone call so I know this DID NOT happen but when I told future MIL this she ignored me and hung up)...she thinks my mom is demanding and controlling and the other day my future FIL actually made a joke to me directly asking if my mum is still controlling the wedding. Anyway, he apologised, I had a small go at his mum because she won’t say anything but her face says it all and she just hates my mother (completely unjustified) and won't listen when we explain mum has done nothing wrong. Anyway, this dress thing keeps coming back and she is asking me what she is “allowed” to wear. My ONLY things are not the same exact colour as my mum (who doesn't have her final dress), or the same colour as a bridesmaids, or white. Is this unreasonable?
Every time I explain this to her she freaks out and panics which stresses me out. She refuses to even to speak to my mother about it, our wedding will be very formal with my mum wearing a floor length gown but future MIL is just making it stressful, at one point my future FIL turned and said to me “So, does this mean she can get a dress she wants now?” when I explained that my mother IS NOT controlling our wedding. I just thought, if everyone is formal then it’d be nice for my MIL to be in a similar outfit and not stick out in pictures but I think I should just say, wear whatever you want and tell my mum to work around. My mum has a dress that she is 90% sure she will wear, its navy and future MIL thought she should get the exact same colour which I just think will look silly. I’m not trying to be controlling but I just think what both mothers wear is important. But now I should just say wear whatever you want just not white, Navy or the bridesmaids colour. Is that too controlling for me to say?
It’s not until May and I haven’t even picked my dress out! What do I do? I’m getting so upset with the way my in-laws think about my mother, (there is so much more going on, including money and judgments on who “should” pay). Also, my future MIL is the type of women who displays whatever she thinks through expressions on her face, when she was invited to my mums house she looked around and kept rolling her eyes, I worry about how she will act at our wedding because her expressions can be very insulting and she doesn’t even realise she is doing it! Sorry for the long rant, been bottling it up for months and I actually snapped at future MIL yesterday which caused a massive fight between her and husband to be L