Appologies in advanced if this ends up being long-winded, but I have a real knot in my stomach.
I'd like 3 bridesmaids at my wedding and always thought I knew for certain who those would be: a close family friend, a bestie from school and my oldest friend.
Im still certain on the first two, but I recently had an upset with the third. We have known each other since we were 3 and despite periods of not seeing each other, we have always remained good friends. She has always occasionally said things that have rattled me (nothing awful) but I always considered her to be almost like family; someone who I loved no matter what.
She has lived abroad for some time and we have had very infrequent phone conversations due to, as o thought, time difference. However after a recent minor disagreement she ended up telling me that shes been avoiding my calls for 18 months because of something I said that annoyed her (I had a rant about a mutual friend I was annoyed with and went a bit overboard) I can understand her opinion, but I'm disappointed that she let the issue fester. After a long phone call we managed to resolve things somewhat, but the precious night she sent me a torrent of whatsapp messages telling me what an awful, self-centered person I am.
When we spoke over the phone we settled the disagreement and I explained that I had ranted in anger and that I wished I could have explained myself earlier. I also said, which is true, that I had always thought of her more like a sister and never for a minute thought that she would take me so seriously.
Ever since then I have had that knotty stomach feeling about having her as a bridesmaid. If she dlies really think I'm so self-centred, then I don't really want to ask her to help me out and it's made me realise that perhaps I have been over sentimental about the past. I am actually much closer to another friend and would rather ask her.
The thing is I don't want to lose her completely and I'm not sure whether she wil expect me to ask her. I thought maybe I could ask her to be a witness instead, but will that just seem like a cop out?! Sorry this post has been so long, but id really appreciate some help!