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Bridesmaid dilemma!


Appologies in advanced if this ends up being long-winded, but I have a real knot in my stomach.

I'd like 3 bridesmaids at my wedding and always thought I knew for certain who those would be: a close family friend, a bestie from school and my oldest friend. 

Im still certain on the first two, but I recently had an upset with the third. We have known each other since we were 3 and despite periods of not seeing each other, we have always remained good friends. She has always occasionally said things that have rattled me (nothing awful) but I always considered her to be almost like family; someone who I loved no matter what.

She has lived abroad for some time and we have had very infrequent phone conversations due to, as o thought, time difference. However after a recent minor disagreement she ended up telling me that shes been avoiding my calls for 18 months because of something I said that annoyed her (I had a rant about a mutual friend I was annoyed with and went a bit overboard) I can understand her opinion, but I'm disappointed that she let the issue fester. After a long phone call we managed to resolve things somewhat, but the precious night she sent me a torrent of whatsapp messages telling me what an awful, self-centered person I am.

When we spoke over the phone we settled the disagreement and I explained that I had ranted in anger and that I wished I could have explained myself earlier. I also said, which is true, that I had always thought of her more like a sister and never for a minute thought that she would take me so seriously. 

Ever since then I have had that knotty stomach feeling about having her as a bridesmaid. If she dlies really think I'm so self-centred, then I don't really want to ask her to help me out and it's made me realise that perhaps I have been over sentimental about the past. I am actually much closer to another friend and would rather ask her.

The thing is I don't want to lose her completely and I'm not sure whether she wil expect me to ask her. I thought maybe I could ask her to be a witness instead, but will that just seem like a cop out?! Sorry this post has been so long, but id really appreciate some help!





  • OKCharlieOKCharlie Posts: 145 New bride

    When is the wedding? I wouldn't rush to make a decision if you have time. If the argument is recent it will still be raw and will make it difficult to make a rational decision about it. I don't think anyone should expect to be bridesmaid and you should just go with your heart. 

  • Thanks. It's a year away yet, so yes I suppose I do have time! X

  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    I agree with the above and would give it a while before deciding.

    I had a fall out with a friend in the lead up to my wedding, I won't go into the details of why, but this resulted in me having second thoughts about inviting her to the day. I did end up inviting her and I think we spoke once or twice during the day. It was really awkward/uncomfortable at times and the conversation didn't flow easily.  Following the wedding she has practically dropped off the earth and I haven't heard from her in around 5 months. Needless to say, I regret inviting her and wish I hadn't.


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  • Thanks all. I will wait a bit and im seeing her soon as she's coming back to live in England. I'll definitely invite her to the wedding (unless things take a horrible turn) but I'll try to take some perspective on it.

    She gets married soon and isn't having bridesmaids, but had previously asked me to help her with her dress on the morning, hence why I'm nervous about not returning the gesture! 

    I don't want to leave it too long or my other choice for #3 will feel like shes second best and when I think about it honestly, we are far closer. Sometimes I think I am too sentimental about the old days , certainly more than my friend!

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