Button hole nightmare

Hello, I hope someone can help calm me a little!

I have been with my fiance for over 7 years and he is in the army. For this reason we are getting married quietly on the 18th of this month (this thursday!) so that we can live in army married quarters then we are planning a big day next year when we will get the marriage blessed.

Although there are only around 20 people coming in thursday I am very stressed and it is mainly due to his mum. I told my fiance that i was not having flowers until next year but he seemed keen to have a button hole, so i found a little white flower corsage type thing for my wrist. He text me before (we live apart atm) saying that he had ordered 5 button holes as his mum said she wanted one too so he ordered for his family. Nothing said about my family. I know it seems really petty but it has got to me. Surely this isn't correct button hole etiquette? It would look very strange if only his family had one. I said that I thought it should just be me and him who had flowers so he offered to order them for my family. I told him to decide so he cancelled the others so now it's just him.

sounds soooooo petty when i'm typing this but we still aren't speaking. I hate how his mum did that, it's just rude. I feel so so stressed and it isn't like me at all. Now i'm dreading the day and the night before as our families are going out for dinner as it will feel awkward. I just want to save things like flowers until next year when I have bridesmaids etc and a proper wedding dress.

Sorry i've gone on for so long!

Abi x


  • MrsMac2b3MrsMac2b3 Posts: 110

    Does this go deeper than buttonholes? Has there been issues with his family coming before your family etc. Before? If so, I can see why you'd be a little sensitive...plus you're about to get married! I think we all have the potential to be a little irrational/sensitive at that point.

    if there hasnt been any issues in the past whatsoever and this is just about buttonholes, I wouldn't let it stress you too much. I honestly have lost count of the amount of times were married friends have told me 'guys are clueless' and when it comes to organising weddings, I totally agree. My H2B didn't understand why I didn't want to get married in a venue we both liked... Just because his ex got married there a few weeks previous 😐. Nor did he understand that it wouldn't be appropriate to give people full day plus ones, even if they don't have a current partner. Apparently it should be up to the guests on who the want to bring to OUR wedding! Your H2B maybe just didn't think about the whole buttonhole etiquette? I genuinely think they are just wired differently lol.

    how exciting that you manage to get 2 wedding days!? Xo

  • Hello Abi47 - I can understand the above commenters sentiment, mainly as I'm having some buttonhole drama myself, and feel so silly when I try to explain it to anyone!  But I totally sympathise, when you've got an idea for what you want and someone interferes it's infuriating  it would have bugged me though, if my fiancé had ordered for his family and not mine for a small wedding, to me it should be neither or both - but I think the idea of the two of you having small ones that go together will look beautiful  

    Try not to worry about feeling awkward, I'm sure most people will understand or at least get over it - but even if they don't, it's not what you'll remember about the day - best of luck!

  • In my opinion it's only the men that have button holes? Why don't you buy a bunch of roses, a bunch of gypsophilia and make your own? They are really simple and look gorgeous still. 


    I would feel the same as you do x

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