My family couldn't care less about my wedding

I don't know why I'm surprised really, my family have never really been interested or even all that kind to me, I've always been the odd one out, you know? 

But in recent years I really thought I was making headway with my sister, I mean, I'd always been there for her kids but we'd never bonded but I thought we had now. But since I had my baby (2years ago) she lost all interest in me and actually turned very nasty - she's refused to babysit for me (the one time I asked) saying it "wasn't exactly a pleasure for her to have my kid", while I'd looked after all three of hers so many times I couldn't begin to count.

But still, I thought that with my wedding that her, my eldest Neice (who is always been super close to and is now an adult), my other sister and my mum would be a bit excited. But it's 2 days til my wedding and I'm sat up crying for the umpteenth time trying to figure out why they just don't give a damn. They didn't ask to go dress shopping or arrange my hen do (my friend from work did that and one sister decided not to turn up because she "had booked to go away" despite being asked weeks in advance if she was free. The other sister and Neice didn't turn up to any of the day stuff or the meal and showed up at about 10pm, brought their own mates with them, said they follow us to the nightclub we were going to but didn't show and one of my friends had overheard them saying they didn't want to go to "that club". It was so embarrassing having to make excuses to my friends.

My mother didn't bother looking for a MoB outfit until a month before the wedding then started "stressing" because she couldn't find one (having looking in the supermarket and 2 other really low end shops - incidentally she's not broke she's just tight and always has been.) In the end I took her shopping and i brought her a proper MoB outfit with fascinator and everything and she had the audacity to complain to my other sister about the cost! Of something she didn't pay for! (And no, she hasn't contributed financially to the wedding, nor did I ever expect her to)

I've paid for everything, bridesmaids dresses, shoes, jewellery, a limo to collect them all (I'm not having a wedding car because I'll be at the venue setting up - by myself) and they can't even do simple stuff like try on the shoes so I know if they fit (tried to get them to come shoe shopping but they were always "busy" so I had to buy shoes and dresses and have them try on at home and then me take them back and exchange if not right). No one even talks about the wedding or asks me about it or asks if I need help with anything. 

Honestly non of them have done one damn thing to help. Oh wait, my mum sewed a table cloth for the dessert table when I asked but even that "stressed her out" too.

My other halfs family are great but they live quite far away but still have done more to help...from actually doing stuff, contributing financially, sending us congratulations cards, babysitting...going to pick the groomsmen suits became a massive event with the whole family attending and taking pictures and a meal out and it took everything for me not to start crying as I'd previously struggled to wiggle into my wedding dress by myself.

I just, it's my big day and I thought that...yeah, I guess I thought it would matter. 

Anyway, thanks for letting me rant faceless internet folk! I think needed that.

Posts

  • JdotJJdotJ Posts: 196 New bride

    I'm really sorry you're going through all of this, my heart really went out to you. Unfortunately you can't choose your family, some people are blessed, others not so much.

    What you should focus on are the ones who ARE actually there for you and do want to be there and have shown an interest, concentrate on these people and you will have an amazing time. They may be your your family, but it's no way to behave, and to be honest, I'd leave them to it, if they want to show themselves up on your big day, let them. Everyone will be able to see its not your fault.

    Please just focus on the positives instead of letting all the negatives consume you and bring you down, you'll only end up miserable and the last thing you want to do is look back on your wedding day in years to come and think how upset you were because of their behaviour and how it was ruined. You can't control their behaviour at the end of the day, so don't even try to as you'll only set yourself up to fail. Let go of what you can't control, focus on the good people in your life and at your wedding, anything else is a bonus.

    I hope you have an amazing day, please let us know how it goes

     

    jx

  • MrsMannMrsMann Posts: 757 New bride

    Oh wow I cannot believe that, I honestly read some of these posts on here and think some prople are so god damn mean! This is your day and please do not let them bring you down. Like JdotJ said focus on the people who have helped and obviously care about you. If they can't make an effort or be nice for one day I honestly would say to them this is your day, just one day when they need to think about someone other than themselves and if they can't then they can shut up and stay out of your way for the day!

    Sorry I feel like I've just had a proper rant for you but it infuriates me when family just can't be bothered and it must be so hard when your other half's side have been so lovely.

    I really do hope you have a wonderful day and just surround yourself with your friends (the family you can choose!) x

  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    I'm so sorry this is happening, you have clearly gone out of your way to try to make them happy and my only advice as above is to stop.

    You are 2 days away from your wedding! how exciting :) please try to focus on that and not on your family, if they want to be selfish then you need to be too! I can imagine how hard it has been feeling like they don't care or want to be involved, i am only at the start of my planning but my mum has been completely uninterested, never asks me anything, even when i bring it up she usually just ignores it as much as possible and it has really upset me and some times i just dread the whole thing but i'm trying not to let myself!

    Does sound like they are happy to take an advantage of you with the babysitting etc but you have your own family now and you need to put yourselves first :) 

    All the best for your wedding have a wonderful day and let us know how it goes x

  • Mrs K!!Mrs K!! Posts: 664

    Omg I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.  Like the other girls say try to focus on the ones who care and definitely focus on your htb and your beautiful wedding.

    Weddings truely can bring out the worst in people and I myself have dealt with a few family issues but I found comfort in surrounding myself with those most excited and happy for us.

    I wish you an amazing love and fun filled wedding day.

     

    Xxx

  • EpiphanyEpiphany Posts: 718

    Enjoy being embraced and supported by your new 'in law' family - they are gaining a sensitive and caring daughter in law and will no doubt appreciate you.

     

    You haven't mentioned how your future husband thnks of the way you're being treated, but hopefully he is giving you the love and support and reassurance you need.

     

    Enjoy your big day whatever the mean spirited members of your family do - if they behave badly it won't reflect on you.  then move on with your new life, and perhaps don 't try too hard to include them in it.

     

    Good luck x

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  • HereitgoesHereitgoes Posts: 206 New bride

    My heart really sinks for you because I know what its like to have unsupportive family members. Its hard to focus on what you know to be true i.e. your new family when you are dealing with those you love on the side, acting so incredibly selfish and mean. I really believe that some people are so void of joy in their lives that they just don't know how to behave themselves when others are presented with their own.

    The great thing about this is that weddings really do show you who you really want to keep in your life. The ones that matter will always care and the ones that don't, well they're not really worth focusing on. The day although special will pass and you will have a new family to love and support and that is all that matters. 

    What a sad loss for your mum and sister to not be apart of something so special, a day that they won't get back but what a gain for you that you now have a gorgeous family to look forward to enjoying.

    Congrates on your soon to be wedding day, we'll all celebrate you here. As kitten said do a report and we can all be your virtual family x 

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