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I'm 20 Should I get married?!

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  • Don't do it.

    There are a million reasons why, but you shouldn't marry someone you feel that way about. A few brides on here talked about knowing they had made the wrong decision but went through with it anyway: it just ends in divorce and prolonged heartbreak. And that was weddings they had planned themselves, not ones they'd had pushed onto them and where drugs are involved.

    You need to get out. Really, it's the longer option for him too, divorce is very painful. Do you have any friends to support you?

     

  • Good morning Lucy

    I agree with the post above, absolutely don't do it. He is smothering you by not letting you work towards your dreams and it sounds very strange that his parents have booked it against your will. 

    It sounds like you've already made up your mind but you're not sure what to do next. I think you should look for some support services in your area that can offer you advice about leaving this relationship.

  • Hi Lucy, bless you it sounds like you have been backed into a corner but now its time to stand up for yourself and do what you know you need to and walk away. 

    20 is still very young it sounds cliché but you have your whole life ahead of you and it its up to you to make it brilliant!  Go and be independent, live your dreams and in time to come you'll find the man right for you.

    Trust me in 10 years time you'll be so happy you did x

  • LEAH35LEAH35 Posts: 24

    Lucy, you may be able to get help from a Woman's Refuge or other organisation dealing with domestic violence.  Although you are not being physically abused, this is emotional abuse and you obviously need help in being able to live outside the relationship.  Ask for information in your local library or Citizens Advice Bureau.

  • Lucy-23Lucy-23 Posts: 2

    Thanks for all your responses. I know what I need to do. He helped me through a very rough patch and I think this makes him feel like he is above me and that I owe him something, when infact I am a completely different person now. 

     

    I know be loves me th all his heart and would never lay his hands on me. But I do feel trapped in a box, I want to travel and volunteer and whenever I mention it he says it sounds stupid and will be rubbish. He has no motivation, he's just happy to coast along in life without really trying anything different.

     

     I know what I need to do, I just need to be strong and do it before it's too late.

  • HereitgoesHereitgoes Posts: 206 New bride

    Hi Lucy

    All the other ladies have said everything that can be said but I just want to give you a real life example...

    My parents met when they were 16 (mum) and 17 (dad) and ended up getting married 3 years later. During their young courtship my mum had lost her mother and she fell pregnant with me. Everyone around her pressured her to marry my dad, especially as she now had a child (me at the age of 18) and had also fallen pregnant with my sister shortly after. My dad proposed by giving her an ultimatum and having no mum or any other family around her to advise her she agreed. 16 years later they divorced. She left with the clothes on her back, didn't even take a pot or a pan. It was the hardest years to watch them be together.  She was physically abused and alienated from her friends. I was both sad and glad they ended it. Sad, because it's such a shame that she wasted all those years when she could've been with someone else who would've loved her the way she should've been loved. Happy because it was toxic to be around, even told her she should've left sooner. My dad was deeply insecure and loved my mum however the abuse was too much. 3 kids later and a painful divorce, she left that marriage with nothing but was free. It didn't matter what people said about her when she left, she didn't try to justify herself and infact she didn't even tell the rest of the family what he had done to her, she didn't care. She just wanted to get out...My dad on the other hand was completely broken and it was the most painful thing to watch.

    Please please, take heed to what the ladies have said and don't let any fear of the unknown stop you from leaving. Love is a choice and goes beyond all feelings. If you're not ready, wait. If he loves you he will wait too. Of course there are worse things happening out there in the world however in this instance there will be no worse feeling for you then walking down that aisle knowing that this is not what you want. Like one of the ladies above said divorce is painful for you and for those having to go through it with you who love you. Be sure and trust your decision...All the best x 

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