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Just found out I'm pregnant... Advice needed.

Hi All,

Im a current member on here but as I need a little anonymity right now, I've had to set up this account (naughty, I know)

here's the deal, my wedding is late August next year and I have just found out we are 7 weeks pregnant. Totally unplanned but we are over the moon. After a 2nd trimester miscarriage a few years ago, we are counting this surprise as an utter blessing.

Here's the issue, I'll be due around mid April and the wedding is late August. My dress has already been ordered and paid for. Is this putting too much pressure on us? Fiancé doesnt think we should delay the wedding but I'm just not sure? Financially, there are no issues. I'm just worried about stressing myself to fit into a dress 4month after giving birth. And logistically, babies at weddings? I can't say i would want my 4month old being subjected to loud music and drunken people until 1am but if all family and friends are at the wedding, what do you do?

has anyone been in this situation that can offer advice?

typically, I start a new job next week (after being in my current one for 10 years) and I start a distance learning degree in October... I don't do things by half but am I biting off more than I can chew??



  • Lexi90Lexi90 Posts: 971

    Congratulagions! Wonderful news for you!

    I think it's a difficult to decision to make. Personally I don't have any children on my own yet but I am an Aunty and have worked as nanny. sometimes i think toddlers walking and crawling can be harder than tiny babies (minus the lack of sleep/waking up to feed!) 

    I guess it depends on when else you would get married. Would it be easier a year later? Or would you leave it even longer than that? Do you plan to breastfeed or will someone else be able to feed the baby? I guess a lot of this you wont know until he/she is born.  I feel like once the baby is born you would have less time to plan a wedding than if everything is already in place and decided before it is born. Will you also still be studying once baby is born/if you delayed the wedding and planned later? 

    On the other hand I can see you would want to look your best but also focus on your baby, you won't want to be thinking about loosing weight quickly. I know some people don't find it hard to get near their pre-baby weight. How well did the dress you ordered fit? 

    Sorry i realise this isnt much help. i can imagine there will always be pros and cons for going for it or waiting. I doubt there is a right answer. If you have a good support network, lots of family to help- that deffo makes weddings and babies easier! I've been to weddings where the bride had a 2 year old and was reading her a bedtime story and put her to bed during the evening of the wedding as nobody else had thought about her! So I can see that sometimes waiting until a baby is older comes with other wedding planning to think about! 

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017


    I dont think you need to worry about the dress. you will gain weight but theres no need to gain fat as long as you eat sensible and stay active. The weight will be baby, boobs, extra blood and fluids etc which will all be lost naturally.

    If you plan to breastfeed it really helps pull your belly back together due to hormones released during feeds, and it also burns calories. I ended up looking like a stick when I was breastfeeding, I didnt like being so thin but it really does work.

    And depending on youre dress if youre still a bit squishy it might hold you in nicely or maybe it could have alterations done to help.

    The things that might concern me would purely be the sleep deprivation! If the babys not a good sleeper Id be worried about looking and feeling exhausted on the day, but you cant really plan for that, my daughter is 5 and will still have me up most nights 😔

    I agree that a younger baby will be much easier to manage than one whos awake more and wanting to crawl and fidget and not sit still.

  • MrsLMTMrsLMT Posts: 3,830


    I understand your worries. I agree with MrsJohnstontobe with the above. ..

    I can give advice on the degree aspect. I graduated from the OU last year with a degree in English Literature. During my six year study period I was mum to one daughter and had a second daughter in my third year. I actually submitted my third year final essay 12 hours before I gave birth. I am not going to lie, it was hard. I was breastfeeding while reading/writing an essay. But I was alone with two children after their dad left me. You will have a husband who I have no doubt will be supporting you, my h2b and I met during my fifth year. He was my cheerleader for my final two years. 

    And seeing my oldest daughters face on my graduation day was the best! 

    So don't panic, embrace everything and enjoy it. 

  • Firstly congratulations and secondly deep breath :-) So I have a few questions for you, is it just the dress you have paid for or have you had to pay any money out in deposits etc for the wedding. If so are they refundable deposits or would suppliers be flexible enough to change dates if you decided? Finding these out might help.

    In terms of babies at weddings I have been to a quite a few and for the most part I didn't really notice them. Like Mrs Johnson suggests toddlers can be a lot more challenging however. My friend was bride few months ago and her 1year old daughter was a flower girl. She stayed up until about 8pm and then napped for couple of hours in pram before her grandma took her home. Could this be an option for you? She made great use if her maternity time in terms of wedding prep so I guess this could be helpful for you in terms of balancing studying, wedding stuff and being a mum! That said I won't lie it is very tiring. Do you have a good support network who might be able to help you out?

    I think the dress issue is tricky as there's just no way of knowing. Myself and most of my friends who have had children put weight on and lost majority within first 6 months. That said majority also still had bit of mummy tummy... In fact 3 years on I still have lol. Body control underwear and adjustments might help if dress allows. It might be however that you have to prepare for possibility of selling current dress and buying new one with not much time to spare. In summary it's certainly doable but might mean some compromises. Sounds like there's a lot of fun times ahead either way x

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