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Who normally plans the Hen do?

Hi everyone,


I know I am going to sound really daft and I don't know whether I am feeling overwhelmed with wedding planning or what but my fiance's best man has planned his stag do, it's a total surprise for my fiance, he was just asked when he wanted to go and who he wanted to come. My fiance asked me what my bridesmaids were doing for my hen do and I told him i didn't know. I  have 4 bridesmaids ( 1 family and 3 close friends). Two of them live nearby and the other two further away. Well it turns out they haven't done anything/spoken about it. I have never been to a hen do so maybe I am meant to organise my own? They don't seem interested. Before you ask, I haven't asked them to do anything. I don't expect them to be super interested in my wedding, it is my wedding after all and they have their own lives but I am disappointed that they haven't even thought about my hen do unlike my fiance's friend. Am I being ridiculous? Am I just overwhelmed with all the other planning?


  • lubeslubes Posts: 1,555


    I organised my own hen do. I know it seems like the 'norm' for friends to organise it for you, but there certainly isn't a hard and fast rule about it. My bridesmaids didn't know anyone but me so I didn't feel it was fair to get them to organise a load of girls they had never spoken to before! It was easier for me to deal with everyone, put a plan into place and they then organised a few surprises along the way.

    You aren't being ridiculous to be disappointed, but...

    - Do your bridesmaids know each other? If not, they may think that you've asked another bridesmaid to do it. If they don't have contact with each other, they can't exactly start a dialogue up about it!
    - If they do know each other and haven't organised anything, perhaps it's because they didn't know you wanted them to. You've said yourself that you don't expect them to be actively involved in your planning and I guess that constitutes your hen party as well.
    - Stag dos tend to be a much bigger deal to boys. My husband and his best man were planning his stag do within weeks of our engagement! Us girls tend to be much more wrapped up in planning the actual wedding!

    Don't let this get you down! Have a think about what you want to do and decide if you want your bridesmaids to be involved. Get a group conversation going about it and I'm sure it will all start to come together  x

  • CE26CE26 Posts: 351 New bride

    I completely agree with everything lubes has said. 

    I organised my own hen do but did ask a couple of close friends to take charge of the stereotypical hen stuff that would have been a bit weird for me to sort out myself (veil, game of Mr and Mrs etc). 

    I then got a second surprise hen do from my work colleagues. I never expected them to do anything at all, but it was their idea and they sorted out everything - we had a fab evening. 

    If you'd like your BMs to take the lead, just have a chat with them and see how they feel. If they're not keen on taking charge, there's nothing wrong with you deciding what you want and just asking them to support you with a few smaller bits and bobs. 


  • Jerina-Jerina- Posts: 118

    Have you nominated any of your BM to be your chief bridesmaid? She will generally be the one to organise it for you, my chief bridesmaid has taken it upon herself to become aquainted with the others and plan it without me knowing the logistics of the plan.

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 4,015 New bride

    Like the others say, men take their stag do's a little more seriously! As soon as my H2B appointed his 2 best men the talk turned straight away to do the stag do. Plus, the stag often involves the humiliation of the groom- a baby outfit on a bar crawl or tying him to a lampost somewhere- which I'm guessing isn't something he'd organise himself lol. H2B has no idea what his stag do is, other than it's over the May bank holiday and will cost no more than a couple of hundred. I'm worried it's paintballing or something dangerous- I might try and find out what they are doing under the pretence of helping him pack a suitable bag for it lol.

    Anyway, I'm planning my own hen do. I have 3 bridesmaids, two of them have babies and the other has medical problems so even if they wanted to organise it it would be so much easier for me to just do it. None of them asked about organising it or offered- I think they know I am a planner and I'll just get on with it myself. I do kind of hope they might do some little surprises though like a veil and tiara for me or some games or something. One of them got married a few years ago and she picked the hen do (weekend on a canal boat) but we did goodie bags, games, hat etc.

  • MrsG2bxxMrsG2bxx Posts: 868

    I wanted to plan my own and never expected any of my BMs to organise it for me, but my sister is my MOH and she has taken the control right out of my hands! she really put her foot down and said it was something she wanted to do, I was a little anxious at first as I myself am a planner and not keen on surprises but I have come around to the idea now and just going to go with it ................whatever it is!!!

    As others have said, the stag is the part the guys really look forward to, whereas for the girls it tends to be the wedding is the main excitement! don't be too down that your girls haven't organised, they may not even know that they need to if you haven't all spoken about it? just chat to them and start the conversation about hens! xx


  • Emma593Emma593 Posts: 128 New bride

    I have two hen doos one in tenerife which is for bridesmaids and close friends and then one in the UK which includes bridesmaids, close friends, family and H2B's friends gfs. For tenerife I organised who was going, travel and accomodation and then i'm leaving everything else to the BMs. For my UK Hen i have arranged who was going, deposits and location. I'm assuming my BMs will sort out the smaller details. 

    I do love a bit of organising and i don't think i would of been happy leaving it up to the girls to arrange everything. 

  • I'm having two - a day at the races which only a few are coming to for a variety of reasons, and a bridal shower afternoon tea which everyone except a friend who is on her honeymoon will come to. 

    I organised the races myself as it was quite expensive and I didn't want the girls with the stress of getting the money and buying the tickets. This was particularly important because we're going to Ladies Day at the Grand National and it sells out stupidly quickly so had to be done on the day it went on sale.

    I'm also a bit of a control freak and I love planning so I will find it hard letting them plan things. For example I REALLY want those gold temporary tattoos I've seen online so I might get them myself, or I might drop a few mega hints to my BMs lol!

    I suspect your BMs are probably waiting for you to bring it up. Once they know what you fancy doing or you tell them you'd like a surprise they might well run with it, but I think since a lot of brides organise themselves they may not want to just go off and do it.

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