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Mother won't come to wedding

Hi, I'm getting married in January and my Mum has recently told me that she won't be coming to my wedding if my Dad is going and my Dad will be going as it's important to me that he is there too.  They got divorced more than 10 years ago.  I think this is very childish of my Mum and it is very hurtful.  I know that on my wedding day, I will be upset because she won't be there and it will ruin the day a bit for me.  I don't want to fall out with her but I'm very upset about it.  Has anyone else had a similar situation?  This is supposed to be one of the most important days of my life and I just feel upset.  I think my mum is being incredibly selfish.  


  • Your Mum is being incredibly selfish. You don't need to fall out necessarily, can you not just ask her "isn't it more important to be their for me than to avoid my Dad?" she is putting her own needs first on a day that is about you. challenge her on it 

  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    I agree you need to talk to her about it, make it clear you want both of them there and how important it is for you - its one day and she doesn't have to talk to him, she needs to grow up a bit its about you and not her! Maybe also re-assure her that she won't have to talk to him sit next to him etc, don't know if you've sorted seating plan yet but maybe get her involved in what would make her comfortable. She'll be the one who misses out if she chooses not to come over this!

  • MrsDee7MrsDee7 Posts: 272 New bride

    Sorry to hear you are having this problem, it must be really hard on you.

    Does your mum think she's the only divorced parent to attend the wedding of their child? It happens all the time, and you just have to put on your big girl pants and get on with it! I'm not suggested you say that to her, but I certainly think the conversation needs to happen. What does H2B think about it all? 

  • Mrs AyseMrs Ayse Posts: 561

    There is nothing you can do to make her come and the problem isn't yours, I'm afraid.  I know it is really difficult, by all means have the conversation but do leave the ball in her court. 

    This is about wanting to share that special day with your daughter and it is incredible that parents, family members or friends, think the day is about them. 

    Does your Mum have a partner?  Does your Dad?  Could it be that she doesn't want to see your Dad with someone else?  Might be worth offering for her best mate to come and be her plus one so that you are not fretting about it and it might be just the compromise to help her understand that as important to you as it is, it is her decision and she could jeopardise your relationship with her. 

  • Mrs B2b3Mrs B2b3 Posts: 255

    My mother didn't come to my previous wedding as I didn't invite another family member. I was incredibly hurt and upset at the time. I realised though that she had never shown much interest in my life so I didn't let it worry me too much. It actually destroyed the relationship and I won't be inviting her to my wedding this time round.

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