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The solo bride?

i thought I would try to write down where I am to see if it is not as bad as I think!  So a wonderful guy asked me to marry him, I'm thrilled and getting everything planned.  We are having a small, but fabulous wedding and the details are coming together, but......  as we are having a small do, I choose to have one bridesmaid I have known her for many years.  i have tried to arrange a date to look at dresses but she has cancelled three times, always at the last minute, I know she is busy so I suggested she let me know when is suitable- no answer.  My future MIL is great, but her other son's gf would love a proposal herself and so any wedding discussion is a taboo subject in case she gets upset.  The upshot is I feel that I can't share my excitement with anyone and it looks like I am going dress shopping on my own, I was already dreading the day as I am not the shape I want to be, but it feels sad to have this event on my own.  I did think about asking someone else to  be BM but they would feel like a second choice.  I don have a mother or sister in the picture and I am starting to feel like I need to keep everything secret and it should be a happy time.  Am I being irrational, I know everyone else has things on their plate but right now I feel like I am on my own?


  • Tanya128Tanya128 Posts: 1,993

    Ah that's so sad! Can you not talk to your friend who you have asked to be bridesmaid and tell her how you are feeling? I know that I would be able to talk to my friends and they would understand. If she doesn't understand then I think you have your answer and you should ask someone else. Now as for not having anyone to go shopping with why don't you ask your future MIL? You don't have to broadcast to her other sons girlfriend that you are going dress shopping but at the end of the day you are marrying into the family and your OH mum technically becomes your mum too. then for all other wedding stuff talk to your OH its his day too and you can share the excitement together. 

  • I did think of going with his mum but she lives over 300 miles away and is not in the best health, I let me BM know that she can let me know when it is convenient to her but she didn't respond, I just get the feeling that I need to resign myself to solo shopping and perhaps no BM. Maybe I am just feeling a little sorry for myself, there are worse problems to face than solo shopping.  I suppose I was just looking forward to some girly chats and days out and I should get over myself 

  • CE26CE26 Posts: 351 New bride

    I second the vote to tell your BM how you're feeling. She might not realise that her being so passive is bothering you, particularly if you've come across as relaxed about it when you've contacted her. 

    If she still doesn't offer some time then you have a better idea of whether you'd like to ask her step down. It's OK to ask someone else, as long as you're happy with whoever you choose. 

    I've found some of my best support has actually been from people at work. One colleague is getting married the week after me so we've been able to share a lot gossip and we even went to a fair together. Do you have anyone like that who could be a wedding buddy to share your excitement? 


  • MrsS85MrsS85 Posts: 688 New bride

    Aww sorry to hear you are feeling lonely. I would just have it out with your bridesmaid, just tell her you understand she is busy and would she prefer not to have the added pressure of being BM. Do you have any other friends that you may not consider as a bridesmaid but might enjoy being involved in the planning?


  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    Just wanted to also say i'm sorry you are feeling like this, i have felt like this at times as my relationship with my mum has been a bit strained and can sometime but a real downer on wedding talk. I am having step daughter and nieces as bridesmaids so i just went with a close friend who's not a BM to some of my dress shopping so is there another friend you could invite, it doesn't have to be anyone in your bridal party or family

  • Tanya128Tanya128 Posts: 1,993

    Do you have an Aunt or Cousins? I agree with CE26 work colleagues can be very supportive I had everyone in the office where I work all say they wanted to come dress shopping! Obviously I did decline but if I hadn't got my mum or my bm then I would definitely habpve gone shopping with them just for fun!

  • I can feel your pain through your post OP. I would explain the situation with your BM, but ultimately go ahead as though you're going on your own.

    I chose to go dress shopping on my own, and you know what, I'm so glad I did! No pressure, just me and my opinion and I still had a wonderful time. And a bonus of this, the dress will truly be a surprise to everyone like it should be! 

    I know from my friends who have taken BM with them that everyone of their friends ended up knowing what their dress looked like and some even set pictures around! I'd be devastated if this happened to me. 

    There are positives to going on your own. Just concentrate on those!

  • Jerina-Jerina- Posts: 118

    I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this alone, this should be a really happy time, haven't you got any cousins even if they're a second or third and a tad younger, or possibly a niece of yours or your H2B? I really do hope you find someone. Good luck. 

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