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Chief bridemaid dilemma :(

Hi guys i really need some advice on the dreaded chief bridesmaid subject. 

A bit of back story my family live about half an hour away from where i live with h2b and our children so i dont see them that often due to work commitments and my mum is a bit pants at keeping in touch so i have relied heavily on my partners family for support so naturally we are close. Here's where it gets a bit complicated....

i used to go out with my h2b sister in laws brother hence how me and h2b met (very long story) i was very close to her and still am she is like my big sister and we have a lot in common. She is my first port of call if i have a problem, other than my dad, and she is super organised so i asked her to me chiefy. I also have a younger sister we arnt particulay close as we are very different personality wise but we have each others backs when it matters so i still wanted her to be involved so i asked her to be a witness for me she seemed a little suprised and said i had previously asked her to be cheif bit i dont remember so it must have been years ago. She said it was fine so i thought that was that.

I then get a phonecall from my mum stating my sister is upset and that i should make her cheif as it should be my sister and went on a massive rant about how i favour all my h2b family over them and they dont want to be left out. I have no idea what to do. I cant demote my soon to be sil as she has already started planning my hen do but i dont want to cause further friction with my family. Has anyone been in a similar postion or have any advice? Im having sleepless nights and im constanly worrying about it and its naking the whole wedding planning ubearble at the moment.  To add futher fuel to the fire i turn 30 next year and my sil has planned something secreatly for that i only know as my mum mentioned something about it on the phonecall about how my sil had upset them already. 

Its a complete mess :( i seriously considerd just cancelling the whole thing

Please help!

Posts

  • Tanya128Tanya128 Posts: 1,993

    Are either of them married? You could then have a matron of honour and a maid of honour! I know how difficult it can be I have a best friend who is brilliant very excited about the wedding and really supportive and a sister who hasn't really asked me anything much and doesn't seem that interested but because I know she would have her nose put out of joint im not having either of them just having my daughter as a bridesmaid.

  • Yes my lets just call her sil as its easier lol she is married to my h2b brother. I wish i had thought of not having one before i asked my sil as it would have saved a lot of problems and just asked them to do jobs instead. I think my sister is most put out about the hen do thing tbh but i know she would just plan a night out with lots of drinking and clubbing and its really not my scene at all which is why i asked my sil as she knows what i like. So im not sure me giving her the title would make a difference. I suppose i could have her as maid of honor as she is my witness and my sil as my chiefy. But then who stands beside me during the ceramony? Im so confused. I wanted to elope but nooo h2b had to have a wedding! 

  • Lexi90Lexi90 Posts: 971

    Why don't you just keep SIL as chief bridesmaid and have your sister as a bridesmaid rather an witness if you want to please your family. 

    When you get married they all go down the aisle either behind or in front of you and therefore it's hardly obvious who has what role anyway. 

  • RubyCatRubyCat Posts: 272 New bride

    Why can't your sister be a normal bridesmaid, I don't understand?

     

    Also why do you need a chief at all it's an honorary title doesn't mean anything. Two normal bridesmaids sister and sister in law, no arguments or competition.

  • Tanya128Tanya128 Posts: 1,993
    frankiebee2302 wrote (see post):

    Yes my lets just call her sil as its easier lol she is married to my h2b brother. I wish i had thought of not having one before i asked my sil as it would have saved a lot of problems and just asked them to do jobs instead. I think my sister is most put out about the hen do thing tbh but i know she would just plan a night out with lots of drinking and clubbing and its really not my scene at all which is why i asked my sil as she knows what i like. So im not sure me giving her the title would make a difference. I suppose i could have her as maid of honor as she is my witness and my sil as my chiefy. But then who stands beside me during the ceramony? Im so confused. I wanted to elope but nooo h2b had to have a wedding! 

    Your groom stands beside you after your dad hands you over! The bridesmaid including chief bridesmaid stands off to one side not next to you. arent families a pain? Why do they feel that their feelings are more important on your wedding day? you could have a word with your chiefy and explain that your sister is all put out then pass your bouquet for your sister to hold but you and your chiefy will know that it's just for appeasement sounds to me like she would be far more understanding than your sister and at the end of the day it's just a title!

  • Thanks for all your help ladies, i thought it was me being selfish. Ive decided im going to try and speak to my sister alone and explain why i have chosen my sil to be cheif and that by asking her to be witness is a really important role as well. Im just going to stick to my guns, ive spoken to a few other family members and they all ageee with me at the end of the day its my day and my choice and they should accept that.....well thats what im going with anyway hopefully i wont be backed into a corner i will let you know how it goes. X

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