Mother of the bride / lack of interest

I'm having problems with my mum.

When I announced that I had got engaged, the first thing she said was 'how you going to afford that?'

She hasn't bought up the wedding in conversation at all since it was mentioned.  When I mentioned that we had booked it and told her the venue she said 'well I don't know how we will get there? We don't know the area and I don't like driving in places I don't know'.

I told her we had booked the photographer the other day... She said 'thats a good price' and then changed the subject!

 

Now this is my second wedding, it's also my boyfriends second wedding.  I don't think my mum likes my fiancé, well I know she doesn't (little comments here and there - it's obvious) ... She even asked the kids 'do you like Dave?' (They told me that).

It's upsetting because I want you get exciting and want to be surrounded by other excited people... But there is just nothing there.

Feel like just ignoring her, stay in my little excited bubble and just hope that she does turn up.

 

Posts

  • Helen225Helen225 Posts: 861 New bride

    Ive lived through what you have and it's a horrible place to be (there's a thread on it somewhere). I think my mums response to we're getting married was 'what's for tea?'. When are you getting married? We booked ours two years in advance and we get married in September. She's just started to ask a few things so could it be possible that the length of time is just so long for her to comprehend? The best advice someone gave me was to just stop talking about the wedding around her. It certainly helped as i wasn't then disappointed when, yet again, she wasn't enthusiastic. 

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440

    That's what my boyfriend said... Basically lets just get on with it and enjoy it. Don't let her get me down.

    Weve bought the dress, my brain said don't show her she won't be interested and my heart wants there to be some kind of mother/daughter bond.  There just doesn't seem to be anything now.

    The wedding is March 2018, so yes we have a bit of time.

    Everything seems to be grumbled about, even the kids say she moans about anything and everything now.

     

    Just waiting for the 'I don't feel involved' rant from her.

    Its just getting me down, seem to get more excitement from my partners mums about it all and even one of our older friends has offered to come with me to wedding fairs.

    So do you think your mum has improved?  The way mine is going I don't think I'll be bothered if she turns up or not.

  • Hi there

     

    just stumbled on this as i was searching round the forum, i honestly could have written your post myself.

    we got engaged this march and as soon as i told my mum we were getting married she said 'youre not are you? why?' . and since then its just gone down hill, so much so friends and other members of the family have started to notice too, i dont know if that helps how i feel as it kind of just validates how bad she is and that its not all in my head :( 

    im getting married in spain next year, my mum just frowned when i told her, and said none of her side of the family would make it and it would be over run with my dads side (theyre divorced).  thing is family have said they will come plus my mum goes to spain twice a year for a holiday so i dont know what the issue ish? part of the reason i picked my venue was because i knew it would be easy for my mum to get there! I actually took her over to see the venue in september in the hope she may become more enthusiastic but she wandered round looking for the toilet in the place!

    id like her input but she just shrugs and says im doing it all online with the planner anyway so theres nothing she can do...she has ripped my dad to pieces because he hasnt helped much financially but then tells me she cant either (but not to tell my dad as she doesn't want hubbies family to know she hasn't contributed!) sick of it!!!  totally feel your pain Badgersbetty and kind of wishing we would have eloped! As Helen225 says, it may be best not to bring it up anymore..

    sorry for the rant, guess i needed to vent lol.

    at the end of the day its about you and your hubby to be., Maybe she will come round as the date nears, maybe she wont. But this is your time, your moment and as hurtful as it is you just have to get on and surround yourself with the people who are excited for you and will help you. Thats what im trying to do xxxxxx

     

     

     

     

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440

    After the initial 'how you going to afford that' .. Then her demanding I grow my hair, demanding my son walks me down the aisle (he suffers from anxiety and has traits of autism etc - not going to happen), then her moaning about travel and the fact that she doesnt know where the restaurant is.. Blah blah blah...we actually said to each other 'we should have just eloped'.

    What has stopped us is the fact that my fiancé mum is really lovely and we want her there... Of course you can't invite his side and not mine (big explosion would happen).

    Part of me thinks my mum won't turn up, I'm kind of expecting that.  She hasn't said she wont come but she is making obvious that she isn't happy.  Would rather she just come out with it.

    I don't really feel like I want to share 'plans' with her anymore.  I've even invited a friend to come with me to wedding fairs and me and my 'husband 2 be' chose my dress (2nd time round and all that gumpf lol).

    I am disappointed she isn't that fussed about it all... She even made a comment that 'you've both done it all before so you can do what you like this time round'.

  • My Mother in Law had a similar issue to you when she got married again for the second time. Her mother didn't want to come (she said as much) and she left as soon as the meal was done. I think my MIL found it very hurtful but she tried to remember that this was far more about her mum and her issues than about the wedding in general. Thankfully everyone else made loads of effort and she had a fantastic day in spite of all the stress on the run up with her mum.

     

    I know it must hurt a lot but try to focus on all the people who love you and can't wait for your wedding.

  • Helen225Helen225 Posts: 861 New bride

    Yes my mum takes a slight interest now. Before, I was talking about the wedding, getting no interest, so talking more to get interest and just a vicious circle. Once i stopped that, it was less like the only thing I could talk about was the wedding so she's started asking a few things.

    Remember in 'their day', it was a fairly simple affair and they didn't really spend any money on non-essentials and so in her mind, your spending a lot of money on a lot of un-necessary stuff. I think my mum had 12 people at her wedding and has never organised a party in her life so dealing with her full on party planning daughter is probably quite a handful! For example, she wanted flowers for her wedding so she went to the local florist, had a conversation and sorted it. I however have spent many hours on Pinterest, talking about diff designs to diff people, went to three florists, talked some more, decided. And even now i haven't had the exact this-is-what-I-want convo with the florist. It's a completely different world. 

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440

    We're not even spending much in the wedding... Trying to keep it small and on the cheap (but still nice).

    My brothers wedding was quite expensive and a big deal to my mum.

    Im just going to carry on getting excited (but not around her).

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