Can't help feeling guilty!

Hi everyone, was Hoping for some.words of support really, 

Me and my fiance have been engaged for the best part of 11 years, we have two children together, and have finally booked our wedding for November this year! 

But...nobody knows, we're eloping, and havent told a soul, we don't want a fuss, we just want it to be a day for us..our familiesware huge on both sides, and we just know it'd end up getting out of control. 

My mum and dad had always said if they could do it all over again theyd elope, and have said themselves for years that is what we should do, but i cant help but feel guilty.. 

I don't want the family to see us as being selfish, or stingy when it comes to money, we just want it to be a quiet, quick ceremony that'll be just for us. 

Has anybody else here done the same? Do you wish youd have done the big family wedding instead? 


  • Havent done the same, but family were actually surprised when we said we were having a wedding with guests. They all presumed that we would have eloped. It isnt far off an elopement though as we only have 12 guests.

    I dont regret what we are doing now, but if we could start the process all over again I know that we would elope to New York, then to Hawaii for our honeymoon and first class flights all the way (we have actually discussed doing this on more than one occasion) 

    You could always invite everyone out to dinner afterwards, or the day before you go to tell them. We are having our wedding blessed when we get back. Going to keep the numbers right down again to 30 but for those that we didn't invite to Italy and its followed by a 3 course pub lunch. All in we are spending a further 1.5k to do this, as we want a photographer, a small posey and a couple of table decorations similar to what we are having on the big day. 

  • We are eloping too, this December.  Just us and our daughter. We've been together for years and have always told everyone if we ever got married we would elope.  So hopefully noone will be too upset. 

    We did book a date about 10 years ago. Just going to the local registry office, then across to a restaurant with close family.  Before we knew it, a hall was getting booked, a cake, my mum was taking me dress shopping.  We cancelled it.

    I don't feel guilty, although we have both thought about who we could invite, but it just then spirals out of control,  

    We've not decided on a party afterwards. 

  • Nic17Nic17 Posts: 80

    Congratulations and it's great you're doing exactly what you want rather than going along with other people's ideas or expectations. Everyone should understand and if they don't then so be it. You could always organise a get together with close family before to surprise them with your plans or after with the photos, that could be really fun!

  • A late reply sorry everyone! 

    We have decided against a get together when we get home due to his mum being totally against the idea of marriage, whenever we tried bringing it up she'd just keep talking of divorce costs... And other members of the family would start inviting hoards of people! 

    Im excited about it, especially since everything has been confirmed this last week! 

    Just dreading having to let the in laws know afterwards,i know we're in for a tough time :( 


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