Hen do - I am MOH and one bmaid is a nuisance

This post relates to planning and organising the hen do, which will take place in Sept. It's abroad, so we've bagged cheap flights and accommodation already, but won't plan the rest until later in the year.

The bride is quite popular and has a lot of girly girlfriends. The bridal party consist of two MOHs and three bridesmaids:

- I am one of the two MOH - I'm not particularly girly, I'm OK at organising, I don't like getting involved in girly politics. The bride tasked me with organising the hen, and asked me to include other girls as much as I can. 

- The other MOH lives far abroad - she is the bride's BFF but she's not much of a girly girl either, she won't be coming to the hen do, especially because she is getting married before 'my bride's' hen do and has a lot on her own plate. 

- Bridesmaid 1 - also lives far abroad - she won't be coming to the hen do, but she has been offering me her opinion re some of the key decisions when I needed. She is one of my best friends.

- Bridesmaid 2 - she's coming to the hen do and she has been helping me with organising. She's got her feet firmly on the ground and she's had lots of experience organising hen dos. I know her quite well as we used to go to uni together, I like her but we're not close or anything. We've had a few very brief chats at crucial points in the planning and organising.  

- Bridesmaid 3 - she's the token additional bridesmaid the bride has thrown in for me to help me organise stuff (because MOH and B1 are abroad, and B2 tends to be very busy). B3 doesn't know the other Bmaids very well. She's highly excitable, very girly, very into the glitz and glam of the wedding planning and all things girly.  

As you have probably guessed, B3 is really annoying me, to say the least. She keeps messaging me separately hinting that I am not doing enough to include her, that she wants to be involved all the time, in everything that I do, she's been sending emails about the hen do to invitees, when I have clearly asked her not to (it's 8 months away, I don't want people to get fed up already with the chat!). I've let her send one email and she amended the para relating to the payment terms, effectively leaving me out of pocket (yes, I know, my fault for trusting her).

The other MOH, B1 and B2 are quite happy for me to take charge of the organising (someone has to, right?), and to offer me help as and when needed. B3 wants me to involve her in every single one of my decisions, and conversation with other bridesmaids and other girls. She asked me to set up a whatsap group for Bmaids, so I did, and B1 and B2 didnt bother responding, and just spoke to me directly as they were busy and they just went straight to the point with me which I was OK with ( I can't force them to talk to B3 if they don't want to, right?).

B3 keeps blaming me for B1 and B2 not being chatty, but tbh, they are just busy ladies and I think they can't be bothered with her right now. I know that they will be great party people at the actual hen do tho!

Anyway, I'm trying to include her as much as I can, but there is not much to include her in! We’re not having secret chats or anything and she is an absolute nuisance to deal with. She keeps messaging me, I swear I spoke to B3 more than to my own husband in the last couple of days, and she STILL doesn't feel included. Her amending the payment terms in the group email is a bit of a snake move and I made it clear that I noted it and that I didnt want her to send any emails. Only one person should send emails anyway, as otherwise it gets confusing.  

So, it is really my job to bend over backwards so that she feels included? She's an absolute nuisance and I already tried to please her too much. I just wanna get it organised, delegate the tasks and get


  • Anna41Anna41 Posts: 14

     So, it is really my job to bend over backwards so that she feels included? She's an absolute nuisance and I already tried to please her too much. I just wanna get it organised, delegate the tasks and get everyone excited just before we go! Dealing with insecure snake moves for 8 months in the run up to the hen do wasn’t on my agenda. Or am I being harsh?

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