No "Hen Do" But Still Stess...

Quick bit of background. I'm getting married 7 hours away from where we live and our closest friends and family are traveling down for the wedding. Some are staying a few days, some the whole week. 

i decided from day one I didn't want a proper hen do. My ideal hen do was a meal out down in Cornwall (where we're getting married)a few days before the wedding and then meeting up with the boys in the pub after. 

My bridesmaids. So I messed up here. I always wanted my best friends but i have a sister. We aren't particularly close but shes my sister. due to our small wedding i didn't want to end up with loads of bridesmaids so spoke with my sister as my niece is being a flower girl and my sister is carrying her down the aisle. i asked if she would mind not being a "proper" bridesmaid but id buy her dress and pay for make up and hair etc. My sister was upset at first it we got there and she's super happy with her different dress and everything. 

Now my stress! My bms (closest friends) really wanted to organise a hen for me. I told them I didn't want one but they werent having it. We settled on a quiet day out just us. When I mentioned inviting my sister they got really funny about it. When I challenged them they said what they have planned isn't baby friendly. I told them the baby wouldn't be coming and that was the end of it. Now that conversation was a few months ago and now I have a date etc. But there's no mention of my sister being involved. It's stressing me out as I don't want to exclude my sister but my friends are making it hard for me 😩 How would you handle this? xxx


  • Oh you poor thing, how stressful. Do your friends not like your sister?

    I think the only thing you can do is explain to your sister that you didn't organise it and had no say on the guest list. Possibly she wouldn't want to leave the baby for a hen do either, how old is the baby?

  • Dora3Dora3 Posts: 1,218

    It's really creepy as my best mate has just phoned me. our conversations always last 45mins to an hour as I live an hour and a half away now. 

    She brought up the non hen do. I asked if my sister is invited and she said no. Awkward. I explained it puts me in a difficult position but she said if we need an extra person for what we are planning then we might invite her.... 

    she then said that if I dont know what they are planning then I'll think I'm just spending the day with the girls. It just makes me uneasy

  • Dora3Dora3 Posts: 1,218

    Baby will be 11 months by the time of the non hen do. She's already being left with my mum t a week so my sister is happy leaving her

  • Helen225Helen225 Posts: 861 New bride

    I don't understand why they are not inviting her. It's your hen do and you want her there!! 

  • I would think of it this way...does your sister go on every day/evening out with your friends? 

    If you are not choosing who is invited, and its some time out with your closest friends...why can it not just be that?

    Maybe its the label of the Hen do that's the issue.


    That's just my thinking, I would ask my friends not to call it a hen do so that no one left out is upset, but say id love to go with them!

  • I agree with Helen, it's your hen do so you choose the guest list. Fine it's not baby-friendly, it's up to your sister if she chooses to leave her - but it looks like that's not an issue anyway.

    Your bridesmaids need to accept your sister even if they don't like her that much.

  • Dora3Dora3 Posts: 1,218

    I tried to make them aware of that. But their attitude is "well if you think you're just coming to my house to hang out and we take you out then that's not your fault".  I just don't want my wedding day to be awkward because my sister and my mum are pissed off with them. Argh I hate this. 

  • I know you didn't really want a hen, but could you hold a second one for family? A lot of people have an 'away' one and a local one.

    Does sound like the BMs are being difficult though!

  • I might have read this differently to everyone else but if i was your sister I'd see it as a nice surprise just for you organised by your bridesmaids/ best friends. It's not an official hen and as no one else will be there and you haven't arranged it I see no issue. I think it might be different had sister been a bridesmaid but even then this is about you and your friends. I've known lots of people have girly stuff just them an

  • Sorry cut off... just them and their bridesmaids before the wedding. I'd maybe let your sister know they're planning a surprise for you and you're intrigued but would not describe or compare it to a hen do. That way she knows what's going on x

  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    I agree with Mrs C 2be - its not a hen do so there are no rules that say who should be invited and if its just one close group of friends it makes sense to me that your sister wouldn't be invited. If i was your sister i wouldn't think anything of it, your meeting up with your friends but you think they are surprising you with something as you didn't want a hen but they did.

    Maybe plan something just you and your sister if you want to make sure she feels included? Or ask her to help you with something nice - maybe go to a dress fitting etc etc.

  • Dora3Dora3 Posts: 1,218

    Thankyou everyone for your opinions. I think I'm overthinking it, typical me 😂 

    Im just going to leave it as my sister will be at my actual hen meal, whereas my bridesmaids won't be as they don't get there til the day before the wedding. 

    I just hope my girls dont go mad. We shall see what happens lol xx

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